I[29F] had to decline going to my sibling's [20sF] wedding in the Fall due to same-sex partner not being invited as well. Did I do the right thing? How do I forgive myself?

I have had a pretty rough time of sorting things out lately. My siblings and I are very close. We come from a traditional Indian family, which can lead to generational misunderstandings. I feel so bad because my sister has had so many curveballs thrown at her in 2021 for this wedding, and now I'm adding to it by not being there to support. This wedding quickly became the parents' weddings, as both sets of parents are controlling guests, schedule, rituals,etc. If the wedding was in the hands of my sister and her fiance, I know they would stick up for myself and my partner.

Backtracking a bit- my partner and I got married in late 2019 without the blessing of my parents. They haven't made any progress in understanding and coming to terms with having a gay child. I came out almost 2 1/2 years ago now. My partner's family has been accepting of us and it's a night and day difference.

I had to make a decision of standing up for my marriage/relationship or being there to support my sister. It's nearly impossible because both are so important to me. And now I'm dealing with processing the pain of not being there for an important day of a loved one.

Was there a right or wrong decision? How does one go about forgiving oneself?

tl;dr: Missing my sister's wedding due to family not accepting same-sex partner. I need advice on how to process my emotional anguish.



Submitted August 07, 2020 at 12:04AM

I have had a pretty rough time of sorting things out lately. My siblings and I are very close. We come from a traditional Indian family, which can lead to generational misunderstandings. I feel so bad because my sister has had so many curveballs thrown at her in 2021 for this wedding, and now I'm adding to it by not being there to support. This wedding quickly became the parents' weddings, as both sets of parents are controlling guests, schedule, rituals,etc. If the wedding was in the hands of my sister and her fiance, I know they would stick up for myself and my partner.Backtracking a bit- my partner and I got married in late 2019 without the blessing of my parents. They haven't made any progress in understanding and coming to terms with having a gay child. I came out almost 2 1/2 years ago now. My partner's family has been accepting of us and it's a night and day difference.I had to make a decision of standing up for my marriage/relationship or being there to support my sister. It's nearly impossible because both are so important to me. And now I'm dealing with processing the pain of not being there for an important day of a loved one.Was there a right or wrong decision? How does one go about forgiving oneself?tl;dr: Missing my sister's wedding due to family not accepting same-sex partner. I need advice on how to process my emotional anguish.
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