Boyfriends girl best friend is starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

Hello, I want to start by saying I (F18) have been with my boyfriend (M18) for about 2 years. I know we are very young, but I do love him a lot and I would appreciate if any advice given could refrain from involving our age.

When I first met my boyfriend, I also met one of his good friends. I’ll call my boyfriend Joe and his good friend Lucy for the sake of keeping their names private. I could tell that Lucy had feelings for Joe when I first met him and was a little intimidated because I wasn’t sure which of us he had feelings for. I saw they had cuddled during this time but done nothing more.

Shortly after, I found out that a couple years ago they briefly dated before Joe broke up with her because he felt they were better off as friends. They stayed friends since then but it was clear to me and all of Joes friends that her feelings for him had remained the same.

When we started dating, I became pretty close with Lucy as well. Despite her being an ex, I trusted Joe and I also trusted her to respect our relationship. Sometimes when we’d argue he confided in her which upset me a little because I wanted him to communicate with me when we were upset rather than someone else. Occasionally she would do things that upset me like frequently messaging him around 1-4 AM with “I’m boredddd” messages. She also would complain to him that she wished she had someone to hook up with. These things irritated me a bit but I realized that some friends talk like this with each other and I needed to be okay with it. I’ve had multiple friends bring this up to me randomly, saying things like “don’t you think Lucy still has feelings for Joe? Does that make you uncomfortable?” Causing me to believe I’m not the only one who notices. Despite all of these things, I felt pretty okay with the way things were for a long time. That was until a few months ago during quarantine. Joe started becoming more and more distant and I felt hurt by this but I thought it would return to normal with time and once quarantine was over. Suddenly he broke up with me over text in the middle of the night one night which seemed very odd to me because just a week before this he was talking to me about the future he wanted with me. I had suspicions that Lucy had something to do with this for a few reasons. One being that during the break up she hung out with me to support me but would constantly be messaging him while we hung out. They were talking more than they had been throughout our relationship which made me sort of suspicious. About 2 days after he dumped me she made a joke to me about how she should try to get with him now that she’s single. A joke like this caught me off guard especially considering she knew how hard I had been taking the break up. I tried to laugh it off but I said “if you consider doing that let me know” and her response was just “wouldn’t that only hurt you more?” And no denial. Another time Lucy and I were hanging out in a group and had plans to go to a mutual friends house to eat lunch. She told me part way through that she had to go meet up with her female friend from school quickly but would meet us at the friends house for lunch. She never showed up and I later found out from Joe that she actually lied and went to hang out with him and his friends. I was also caught off guard when during this time she brought up to me that at the beginning of our relationship her and joe would still call each other babe “In a joking way” which seemed sort of odd to me. After she saw me break down crying one day she confessed to me what had happened. She said she feels like our break up was her fault and I asked why. She said that a few weeks before joe told her that he felt off about things. He had said he thinks it’s quarantine since we hadn’t been able to hang out for almost 2 months. She suggested that he could just be losing feelings for me and after a long conversation she said she felt like she pushed the idea into his head enough to the point where he believed it. He said he was going to break up with me but one night be messaged Lucy saying he couldn’t do it. She talked him up to it that night telling him it’s something he should do and that he can do it. She told me at the time she thought he couldn’t do it because he felt bad for hurting me but she realized afterward that it was truly because he deep down didn’t want to. Apparently he had messaged her earlier that day saying how much he missed me and wanted to message me, but she wouldn’t tell me what she responded to those messages. She told me the things they talked about would make me feel worse and I still don’t know what was discussed. He finally messaged me apologizing and we met up and decided to give things another shot. I thought that I could trust Her again because of her confession to me. I appreciate her being honest. However I still pickup on a few things that seem odd to me. I went to her graduation party last week and she had a board set up with photos. Most photos were family pictures from when she was little, along with some photos from her workplace. Her only photos of her with a friend were all photos of her and him. I didn’t think much of this because I know she considers him to be her best friend. However, I noticed that same day that her phone wallpaper was a photo of her and him as well. If they were very close I would understand this, however they don’t talk very often and only hang out in group settings a couple times a month. I also notice that she tends to hide her phone from me when she gets a message from him. This doesn’t make sense to me because he never hides his messages from me. I know that if I asked to look through their messages he would be perfectly okay with that. It’s just not something I would do. She’s mentioned to me before about how she wishes she had someone to cuddle with but her guy friends have to be taken. She also says she wishes she could try the “kissing my boy best friend to see his reaction” trend. These aren’t too odd but I just thought I’d add them. I can’t tell if this is odd or if I’m just crazy. I brought the situation up to him the other day in a lighthearted way just saying some of the things I noticed and laughed it off. However he got defensive and said these things are normal so now I feel like I could be in the wrong. I feel terrible sometimes for getting bothered by some of the things Lucy does/days because I love her friendship and she has been there for me through many situations, but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable.

I do not want to be a crazy jealous girlfriend and I’ve felt like I’ve done a good job in the past considering the circumstances. However I feel like he should appreciate how calm I’ve been about the situation and understand that it would upset other girls too.

TL;DR: Boyfriends girl best friend seems to still have feelings for him and I can’t tell if I’m being crazy for thinking this

Submitted August 07, 2020 at 12:16AM

Hello, I want to start by saying I (F18) have been with my boyfriend (M18) for about 2 years. I know we are very young, but I do love him a lot and I would appreciate if any advice given could refrain from involving our age.When I first met my boyfriend, I also met one of his good friends. I’ll call my boyfriend Joe and his good friend Lucy for the sake of keeping their names private. I could tell that Lucy had feelings for Joe when I first met him and was a little intimidated because I wasn’t sure which of us he had feelings for. I saw they had cuddled during this time but done nothing more.Shortly after, I found out that a couple years ago they briefly dated before Joe broke up with her because he felt they were better off as friends. They stayed friends since then but it was clear to me and all of Joes friends that her feelings for him had remained the same.When we started dating, I became pretty close with Lucy as well. Despite her being an ex, I trusted Joe and I also trusted her to respect our relationship. Sometimes when we’d argue he confided in her which upset me a little because I wanted him to communicate with me when we were upset rather than someone else. Occasionally she would do things that upset me like frequently messaging him around 1-4 AM with “I’m boredddd” messages. She also would complain to him that she wished she had someone to hook up with. These things irritated me a bit but I realized that some friends talk like this with each other and I needed to be okay with it. I’ve had multiple friends bring this up to me randomly, saying things like “don’t you think Lucy still has feelings for Joe? Does that make you uncomfortable?” Causing me to believe I’m not the only one who notices. Despite all of these things, I felt pretty okay with the way things were for a long time. That was until a few months ago during quarantine. Joe started becoming more and more distant and I felt hurt by this but I thought it would return to normal with time and once quarantine was over. Suddenly he broke up with me over text in the middle of the night one night which seemed very odd to me because just a week before this he was talking to me about the future he wanted with me. I had suspicions that Lucy had something to do with this for a few reasons. One being that during the break up she hung out with me to support me but would constantly be messaging him while we hung out. They were talking more than they had been throughout our relationship which made me sort of suspicious. About 2 days after he dumped me she made a joke to me about how she should try to get with him now that she’s single. A joke like this caught me off guard especially considering she knew how hard I had been taking the break up. I tried to laugh it off but I said “if you consider doing that let me know” and her response was just “wouldn’t that only hurt you more?” And no denial. Another time Lucy and I were hanging out in a group and had plans to go to a mutual friends house to eat lunch. She told me part way through that she had to go meet up with her female friend from school quickly but would meet us at the friends house for lunch. She never showed up and I later found out from Joe that she actually lied and went to hang out with him and his friends. I was also caught off guard when during this time she brought up to me that at the beginning of our relationship her and joe would still call each other babe “In a joking way” which seemed sort of odd to me. After she saw me break down crying one day she confessed to me what had happened. She said she feels like our break up was her fault and I asked why. She said that a few weeks before joe told her that he felt off about things. He had said he thinks it’s quarantine since we hadn’t been able to hang out for almost 2 months. She suggested that he could just be losing feelings for me and after a long conversation she said she felt like she pushed the idea into his head enough to the point where he believed it. He said he was going to break up with me but one night be messaged Lucy saying he couldn’t do it. She talked him up to it that night telling him it’s something he should do and that he can do it. She told me at the time she thought he couldn’t do it because he felt bad for hurting me but she realized afterward that it was truly because he deep down didn’t want to. Apparently he had messaged her earlier that day saying how much he missed me and wanted to message me, but she wouldn’t tell me what she responded to those messages. She told me the things they talked about would make me feel worse and I still don’t know what was discussed. He finally messaged me apologizing and we met up and decided to give things another shot. I thought that I could trust Her again because of her confession to me. I appreciate her being honest. However I still pickup on a few things that seem odd to me. I went to her graduation party last week and she had a board set up with photos. Most photos were family pictures from when she was little, along with some photos from her workplace. Her only photos of her with a friend were all photos of her and him. I didn’t think much of this because I know she considers him to be her best friend. However, I noticed that same day that her phone wallpaper was a photo of her and him as well. If they were very close I would understand this, however they don’t talk very often and only hang out in group settings a couple times a month. I also notice that she tends to hide her phone from me when she gets a message from him. This doesn’t make sense to me because he never hides his messages from me. I know that if I asked to look through their messages he would be perfectly okay with that. It’s just not something I would do. She’s mentioned to me before about how she wishes she had someone to cuddle with but her guy friends have to be taken. She also says she wishes she could try the “kissing my boy best friend to see his reaction” trend. These aren’t too odd but I just thought I’d add them. I can’t tell if this is odd or if I’m just crazy. I brought the situation up to him the other day in a lighthearted way just saying some of the things I noticed and laughed it off. However he got defensive and said these things are normal so now I feel like I could be in the wrong. I feel terrible sometimes for getting bothered by some of the things Lucy does/days because I love her friendship and she has been there for me through many situations, but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable.I do not want to be a crazy jealous girlfriend and I’ve felt like I’ve done a good job in the past considering the circumstances. However I feel like he should appreciate how calm I’ve been about the situation and understand that it would upset other girls too.TL;DR: Boyfriends girl best friend seems to still have feelings for him and I can’t tell if I’m being crazy for thinking this