I am so sick of dating advice and I feel bitter and jaded by it all

I am a 27 female, usually I am told I am beautiful by both men and women (though I am not arrogant about it and even get very self conscious – I don't think I am better than anyone else). I have friends and hobbies, I am in shape.

I have been struggling with dating my whole life and have done many things to work on myself including reading a lot of self-help and dating books, self love etc.

Initially I was always just myself. I was shy, but if I liked a guy I would send a text, I would try to flirt. If we had a date I would try to make it fun for both of us. Sometimes I delayed sex, other times I let myself get lost in the passion and "went with the flow" and acted cool about it. And in return I have been ghosted, seen as a booty call, friend zoned, and (usually) never even approached.

After consuming all this information, I am so overwhelmed and sick of the different “rules” or “suggestions” that just seem so contradictory to me.

​

  • Don’t respond or be too available, men like a challenge! VS Good confident men with options don’t like “game playing” and will assume you don’t like them and move on
  • Don’t chase guys - VS show him you are interested, text him
  • Don’t push for a relationship and “act cool”, take things slow - VS be clear about what you want, putting up with just "sex" shows you don't value yourself
  • Have your own life and don’t “need” a man, be independant - VS men want to feel needed and like they fit into your life/ are prioritised, don't be a MASCULINE WOMAN
  • If you take the initiative you won’t really know if he likes you or just being passive because its easy - VS men like it when you are a little forward/it is the 21st century.
  • Men are hunters and will always go for what they want - VS nice guys are shy and you need to ask them out
  • Don’t sleep with him on the first date he will lose interest - VS sex is not your “bargaining chip/power” and if there is chemistry you will just meet up again and again until you are naturally a couple. Be in the moment!
  • Go with the flow - VS be purposeful in dating, create the love you want
  • Call them out on bad behaviour, men are like children and will try to get away with as much as they can VS Men don't want to be criticised, just be nurturing / in your feminine energy and forgive

I just feel so tired and burnt out, like I just can’t get it right. I am either too needy, or too cold, too desperate, not sexual enough or a slut. All my friends seem to do it effortlessly, some even got quarantine boyfriends after a one night stand and are still together.

Recently I kind of just gave up and think I am going to be alone for the rest of my life and trying to really make peace with that being 100% fact.

It hurts, but I just can’t anymore. I was always a sensitive person and "pure" in a lot of ways, but now I feel so bitter, desensitised, cynical and helpless, all because of the crappy experiences I have had in the dating world.



Submitted August 06, 2020 at 06:52PM

I am a 27 female, usually I am told I am beautiful by both men and women (though I am not arrogant about it and even get very self conscious – I don't think I am better than anyone else). I have friends and hobbies, I am in shape.I have been struggling with dating my whole life and have done many things to work on myself including reading a lot of self-help and dating books, self love etc.Initially I was always just myself. I was shy, but if I liked a guy I would send a text, I would try to flirt. If we had a date I would try to make it fun for both of us. Sometimes I delayed sex, other times I let myself get lost in the passion and "went with the flow" and acted cool about it. And in return I have been ghosted, seen as a booty call, friend zoned, and (usually) never even approached.After consuming all this information, I am so overwhelmed and sick of the different “rules” or “suggestions” that just seem so contradictory to me.​Don’t respond or be too available, men like a challenge! VS Good confident men with options don’t like “game playing” and will assume you don’t like them and move onDon’t chase guys - VS show him you are interested, text himDon’t push for a relationship and “act cool”, take things slow - VS be clear about what you want, putting up with just "sex" shows you don't value yourselfHave your own life and don’t “need” a man, be independant - VS men want to feel needed and like they fit into your life/ are prioritised, don't be a MASCULINE WOMANIf you take the initiative you won’t really know if he likes you or just being passive because its easy - VS men like it when you are a little forward/it is the 21st century.Men are hunters and will always go for what they want - VS nice guys are shy and you need to ask them outDon’t sleep with him on the first date he will lose interest - VS sex is not your “bargaining chip/power” and if there is chemistry you will just meet up again and again until you are naturally a couple. Be in the moment!Go with the flow - VS be purposeful in dating, create the love you wantCall them out on bad behaviour, men are like children and will try to get away with as much as they can VS Men don't want to be criticised, just be nurturing / in your feminine energy and forgiveI just feel so tired and burnt out, like I just can’t get it right. I am either too needy, or too cold, too desperate, not sexual enough or a slut. All my friends seem to do it effortlessly, some even got quarantine boyfriends after a one night stand and are still together.Recently I kind of just gave up and think I am going to be alone for the rest of my life and trying to really make peace with that being 100% fact.It hurts, but I just can’t anymore. I was always a sensitive person and "pure" in a lot of ways, but now I feel so bitter, desensitised, cynical and helpless, all because of the crappy experiences I have had in the dating world.
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