Cross country move and new relationship

TL&DR: I don't know if I should move cross country or not, and my feelings are complicated by a new relationship.

I (32/f) am currently on the West Coast living at my parents’ condo near the beach, working remotely for my postdoc that I just began. Currently they are not asking me to pay rent, because I have been unemployed since handing in my thesis in March, and they stay at the condo for about a week at a time (they primarily live about 2 hours away). When I was offered my postdoc position in late March, the world was a very different place and my contract stipulated that I move cross country to the East Coast by the end of August. I arranged to move to the East Coast and move into an apartment with a future roommate for mid August. This was on the premise of the office re-opening, which we have just been notified this week is not happening until further notice. Before this notice, the reopening was tenuous and staff would only be allowed to come in one day a week and not use common areas, so I pushed back my move to the end of September (while still paying my half of the rent). My future roommate seems super lovely and like we would become friends- she has said she is looking forward to me moving out there. I was looking forward to moving to get out from under my parents’ thumb (they are quite conservative) and start a fresh chapter in my life, even though I love the West Coast and much prefer it here.

However, about a month ago I had a socially distanced date with someone (32/M) and we really hit it off. Since then we have been spending a lot of time with each other (he recently moved to the area and is living with his parents to provide them with some rental income- we only see each other and our respective parents to keep our network small as we both have an immune-compromised parent). I am falling for this man. Hard. He’s absolutely wonderful. At the beginning of our relationship, though, he asserted that while he wanted to build a deep connection with someone, he does not want a serious partnership as he plans on having a career transition early next year and does not want a relationship to impact his decisions (is this a red flag?). When I bring up not looking forward to moving, he always tells me how great it will be for me. In a (tipsy) conversation he mentioned romantic comedies are a guilty pleasure for him, and I said “if we were in a romantic comedy, you’d convince me to stay here until the end of the year and then you would move East with me” and he said, “but then I wouldn’t be supporting your ability to progress in your career”. I don’t see how me working remotely is mutually exclusive from advancing in my postdoc, as I would still be working remotely, just in an apartment on the East Coast.

With the recent notice that my office may not be opening anytime soon, I am considering breaking my lease for the apartment on the East Coast I’m not living in (though I would still pay my share of next month’s rent to offset some of the inconvenience I would place on my future roommate), and try to save my money for the rest of the year (I haven’t successfully built up much of a savings while in grad school for the past 7 years). I would offer to contribute rent money to my parents, but I know they would not let me pay more than my share of the apartment on the East Coast, as they very much want to see me build some savings. Though I concede I would be lying if my new boyfriend was not a factor. Is this just mental gymnastics to justify staying here for a man that is emotionally unavailable? Should I stick to my original plan of moving at the end of September and just be happy that I had a lovely few months with a great guy?

Submitted August 06, 2020 at 11:53PM

TL&DR: I don't know if I should move cross country or not, and my feelings are complicated by a new relationship.I (32/f) am currently on the West Coast living at my parents’ condo near the beach, working remotely for my postdoc that I just began. Currently they are not asking me to pay rent, because I have been unemployed since handing in my thesis in March, and they stay at the condo for about a week at a time (they primarily live about 2 hours away). When I was offered my postdoc position in late March, the world was a very different place and my contract stipulated that I move cross country to the East Coast by the end of August. I arranged to move to the East Coast and move into an apartment with a future roommate for mid August. This was on the premise of the office re-opening, which we have just been notified this week is not happening until further notice. Before this notice, the reopening was tenuous and staff would only be allowed to come in one day a week and not use common areas, so I pushed back my move to the end of September (while still paying my half of the rent). My future roommate seems super lovely and like we would become friends- she has said she is looking forward to me moving out there. I was looking forward to moving to get out from under my parents’ thumb (they are quite conservative) and start a fresh chapter in my life, even though I love the West Coast and much prefer it here.However, about a month ago I had a socially distanced date with someone (32/M) and we really hit it off. Since then we have been spending a lot of time with each other (he recently moved to the area and is living with his parents to provide them with some rental income- we only see each other and our respective parents to keep our network small as we both have an immune-compromised parent). I am falling for this man. Hard. He’s absolutely wonderful. At the beginning of our relationship, though, he asserted that while he wanted to build a deep connection with someone, he does not want a serious partnership as he plans on having a career transition early next year and does not want a relationship to impact his decisions (is this a red flag?). When I bring up not looking forward to moving, he always tells me how great it will be for me. In a (tipsy) conversation he mentioned romantic comedies are a guilty pleasure for him, and I said “if we were in a romantic comedy, you’d convince me to stay here until the end of the year and then you would move East with me” and he said, “but then I wouldn’t be supporting your ability to progress in your career”. I don’t see how me working remotely is mutually exclusive from advancing in my postdoc, as I would still be working remotely, just in an apartment on the East Coast.With the recent notice that my office may not be opening anytime soon, I am considering breaking my lease for the apartment on the East Coast I’m not living in (though I would still pay my share of next month’s rent to offset some of the inconvenience I would place on my future roommate), and try to save my money for the rest of the year (I haven’t successfully built up much of a savings while in grad school for the past 7 years). I would offer to contribute rent money to my parents, but I know they would not let me pay more than my share of the apartment on the East Coast, as they very much want to see me build some savings. Though I concede I would be lying if my new boyfriend was not a factor. Is this just mental gymnastics to justify staying here for a man that is emotionally unavailable? Should I stick to my original plan of moving at the end of September and just be happy that I had a lovely few months with a great guy?