Overthinking and low confidence can be a deadly combination...

(I decided to type this after just lying in bed trying to sleep for two hours overthinking if you want to imagine it from my perspective…)

I’m a 22(M) virgin and I’ve finally realised am in a pretty deep hole at the moment. I believe am I a position where my low confidence has prevented me from speaking to girls or attempting to get a girlfriend due to the fact I’m scared of ‘shooting my shot’ as they would say these days. This can be in positions of where I may be attracted to a girl and don’t have the guts to message/DM them, or even approach them if I was on a night out etc. This can be quite complicated though… as if the roles where switched and a girl was to message me or approach me for example, id have no problem talking but obviously this happens in a blue moon and most times I’ve not been attracted or into the girl.

I can’t deny, I’ve had multiple opportunities to speak/pull/have sex with girls on nights out, lads’ holidays and through my friends’ girlfriends’ friends (if that makes sense) and on multiple occasions I’ve kind of just played them down.

I do feel as if it’s time to make a change.

My first step I feel I need to take is accepting an offer. So recently, a close friend of mine has said his girlfriend’s friend has been asking for single friends and he’s basically put it on a plate for me. The problem I have with this is I can jump straight onto it I just generally have no clue what I would talk or say to her over message etc. However, as mentioned before I would rather meet her in person straight away but nowadays it’s not a simple as that and I feel as if I’d need to talk to her for at least 2/3 week minimum before meeting her. I will admit, the fear of rejection is a massive problem of mine and this may be playing a bit part in my overthinking of outcomes from talking to her. As previously mentioned on some of my old posts I think I’m being completely dominated by the fact that near enough all my friends are in relationships at this point and I’m just waiting for the time to come for it to be my turn but, while am sat here doing nothing that time will never come.

I just don’t know what to do..... any tips would be massively appreciated, and I do see myself to be in an extremely fortunate position compared to others with a solid group of close knit friends and family around me at all times, however deep down am too much of a shithouse to express this out and just suppress it all massively. I do believe it’s time for me to change and be better for the future, ideally I think this should be now.

TL;DR Overthinking and confidence can be a horrible mix.

Submitted August 24, 2020 at 12:14AM

(I decided to type this after just lying in bed trying to sleep for two hours overthinking if you want to imagine it from my perspective…)I’m a 22(M) virgin and I’ve finally realised am in a pretty deep hole at the moment. I believe am I a position where my low confidence has prevented me from speaking to girls or attempting to get a girlfriend due to the fact I’m scared of ‘shooting my shot’ as they would say these days. This can be in positions of where I may be attracted to a girl and don’t have the guts to message/DM them, or even approach them if I was on a night out etc. This can be quite complicated though… as if the roles where switched and a girl was to message me or approach me for example, id have no problem talking but obviously this happens in a blue moon and most times I’ve not been attracted or into the girl.I can’t deny, I’ve had multiple opportunities to speak/pull/have sex with girls on nights out, lads’ holidays and through my friends’ girlfriends’ friends (if that makes sense) and on multiple occasions I’ve kind of just played them down.I do feel as if it’s time to make a change.My first step I feel I need to take is accepting an offer. So recently, a close friend of mine has said his girlfriend’s friend has been asking for single friends and he’s basically put it on a plate for me. The problem I have with this is I can jump straight onto it I just generally have no clue what I would talk or say to her over message etc. However, as mentioned before I would rather meet her in person straight away but nowadays it’s not a simple as that and I feel as if I’d need to talk to her for at least 2/3 week minimum before meeting her. I will admit, the fear of rejection is a massive problem of mine and this may be playing a bit part in my overthinking of outcomes from talking to her. As previously mentioned on some of my old posts I think I’m being completely dominated by the fact that near enough all my friends are in relationships at this point and I’m just waiting for the time to come for it to be my turn but, while am sat here doing nothing that time will never come.I just don’t know what to do..... any tips would be massively appreciated, and I do see myself to be in an extremely fortunate position compared to others with a solid group of close knit friends and family around me at all times, however deep down am too much of a shithouse to express this out and just suppress it all massively. I do believe it’s time for me to change and be better for the future, ideally I think this should be now.TL;DR Overthinking and confidence can be a horrible mix.