M (24) “more than happy to continue what we have been doing” but “I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment”

Hey Guys,

TL;DR: a lad who I’ve spoke to for 4 weeks, met up 4 times (weekly), texts me daily, wants to carry on as we are but doesn’t want a relationship?

Has he got cold feet or is he not interested?

So long version: I matched with a lad on tinder. We hit it off, and had really good chat from the word go. He would reply instantly. We’ve carried on with pretty good texts. He’ll call / FaceTime me a couple of times a week for a few hours at a time (sometimes the whole evening).

Our first date was great, we stayed out for ages just talking about deep life issues, and I feel we had a really good natural connection.

The next day he invited me round to his house to meet his mom and just have a chill. I went round and it was lovely to relax and have a great connection with someone.

Week 2: Text messages continued to be very frequent for the next week, and that weekend we met up again.

Weekend 2: We slept together, but he decided not to stay at mine and he went home instead.

Week 3: The week went by again, this time texting got a bit more tedious, sometimes I’d feel I was bothering him, and I was the one putting all of the effort in, asking questions, coming up with things to say. Regardless, he would still FaceTime me for hours on an evening and he would always eventually respond to my messages.

Weekend 3: he was going to visit friends so came round to mind the night before he went away. He had no option but to sleep over, as it was convenient for his commute the next day. We had sex, however there was no physical touching / cuddling afterwards. We slept completely separate.

Week 4: daily good morning and good night texts. However texting in the day became more of a chore, I was putting in so much effort but I was getting left on read a lot.

Weekend 4:. He comes round to mine to chill out, and we get on well as usual, and then go for a night out. At dinner he pulls out his phone and is texting a lot. We go back to mine, sleep together, and then have amazing cuddles whilst we sleep. As he leaves to go see his friends he gives me a kiss on the forehead and a big hug - the most affectionate he’s been.

He texts me once asking how I am and if I’m having a good day, I respond saying I’m fine, and ask how he is and wish him a nice day. He leaves me on read for 8 hours.

10pm: he sends me the following message:

I just want to let you know where my heads at, at the moment as I don’t want to keep you in the dark as I’m not like that. I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment as I’m trying to better myself and find myself. I’m not ruling out anything in the future and I love talking to you and spending time with you I just need to concentrate on myself as my mental health isn’t at its best at the moment. Please don’t think this is because of you or anything you’ve done, you’re so so sick I just need to sort myself before I can fully invest myself to someone else. I’m more than happy to keep doing what we have been doing i just wanted to let you know where my heads at, at this moments xxx

This has really taken me back. I’m upset he didn’t call me to tell me this and he did it over text.

I told him I was confused but completely understand and respect the need for him to work on his mental health.

I asked for him to let me know if he still wanted to carry on talking - he said he is “more than happy to keep messaging you I just wanted to let you know I’m not openly looking for a relationship as I need to concentrate on myself right now”. He said he loves talking to me and wants me to be on the same page.

I’m very confused and don’t know what to do or how to interpret the above.

I’m dyslexic so I don’t want to be reading it in a completely different tone.

I know we’re not mind readers, but I feel he’s given me such mixed signals. He’s going to call me after work tomorrow. I don’t know what approach I should take? I do have genuine feelings for this lad, i feel we’ve got a true connection.

Do you think it’s possible it’s a knee jerk reaction where he is panicking about things moving on so quickly?

I completely understand that it’s only been a month, we barely know each other. But when we are together we click so well and are so natural with each other.

I’m not looking for official relationship status.

What I do need however is honesty.

I’m terrified that I’m being naive and he’s actually binning me off, and I’m just too dumb to see it- so if you think that’s what he’s doing, please let me know!

Any comments or advice would be massively appreciated!

Submitted August 24, 2020 at 12:15AM

Hey Guys,TL;DR: a lad who I’ve spoke to for 4 weeks, met up 4 times (weekly), texts me daily, wants to carry on as we are but doesn’t want a relationship?Has he got cold feet or is he not interested?So long version: I matched with a lad on tinder. We hit it off, and had really good chat from the word go. He would reply instantly. We’ve carried on with pretty good texts. He’ll call / FaceTime me a couple of times a week for a few hours at a time (sometimes the whole evening).Our first date was great, we stayed out for ages just talking about deep life issues, and I feel we had a really good natural connection.The next day he invited me round to his house to meet his mom and just have a chill. I went round and it was lovely to relax and have a great connection with someone.Week 2: Text messages continued to be very frequent for the next week, and that weekend we met up again.Weekend 2: We slept together, but he decided not to stay at mine and he went home instead.Week 3: The week went by again, this time texting got a bit more tedious, sometimes I’d feel I was bothering him, and I was the one putting all of the effort in, asking questions, coming up with things to say. Regardless, he would still FaceTime me for hours on an evening and he would always eventually respond to my messages.Weekend 3: he was going to visit friends so came round to mind the night before he went away. He had no option but to sleep over, as it was convenient for his commute the next day. We had sex, however there was no physical touching / cuddling afterwards. We slept completely separate.Week 4: daily good morning and good night texts. However texting in the day became more of a chore, I was putting in so much effort but I was getting left on read a lot.Weekend 4:. He comes round to mine to chill out, and we get on well as usual, and then go for a night out. At dinner he pulls out his phone and is texting a lot. We go back to mine, sleep together, and then have amazing cuddles whilst we sleep. As he leaves to go see his friends he gives me a kiss on the forehead and a big hug - the most affectionate he’s been.He texts me once asking how I am and if I’m having a good day, I respond saying I’m fine, and ask how he is and wish him a nice day. He leaves me on read for 8 hours.10pm: he sends me the following message:I just want to let you know where my heads at, at the moment as I don’t want to keep you in the dark as I’m not like that. I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment as I’m trying to better myself and find myself. I’m not ruling out anything in the future and I love talking to you and spending time with you I just need to concentrate on myself as my mental health isn’t at its best at the moment. Please don’t think this is because of you or anything you’ve done, you’re so so sick I just need to sort myself before I can fully invest myself to someone else. I’m more than happy to keep doing what we have been doing i just wanted to let you know where my heads at, at this moments xxxThis has really taken me back. I’m upset he didn’t call me to tell me this and he did it over text.I told him I was confused but completely understand and respect the need for him to work on his mental health.I asked for him to let me know if he still wanted to carry on talking - he said he is “more than happy to keep messaging you I just wanted to let you know I’m not openly looking for a relationship as I need to concentrate on myself right now”. He said he loves talking to me and wants me to be on the same page.I’m very confused and don’t know what to do or how to interpret the above.I’m dyslexic so I don’t want to be reading it in a completely different tone.I know we’re not mind readers, but I feel he’s given me such mixed signals. He’s going to call me after work tomorrow. I don’t know what approach I should take? I do have genuine feelings for this lad, i feel we’ve got a true connection.Do you think it’s possible it’s a knee jerk reaction where he is panicking about things moving on so quickly?I completely understand that it’s only been a month, we barely know each other. But when we are together we click so well and are so natural with each other.I’m not looking for official relationship status.What I do need however is honesty.I’m terrified that I’m being naive and he’s actually binning me off, and I’m just too dumb to see it- so if you think that’s what he’s doing, please let me know!Any comments or advice would be massively appreciated!