[27M] Losing faith in dating apps and dating in general

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To be clear, i'm posting this in the hopes that others can offer constructive advice or share their experience with this app (or other dating apps) so I can relate to others. I am not complaining nor fishing for compliments for the sake of such, just simply stating my personal experiences with the app and relating them to how I feel about things

To preface, i've been using Tinder for a long time (approximately 5 or so years on and off), and have had varying levels of "success" over the years. I'm relatively attractive by most basic standards (6'0, somewhat toned physique, high quality pictures, relatively creative bio that's also honest about what I want, etc.).

For reference: My full profile

I live close to a relatively populous city with a population of about 150,000 (many college aged folk Long story short, in that 5 years of time using Tinder, I've had the following experiences:

- 100's of "likes/matches" that immediately ghost when I message or un-match when I like them back

- 1 hookup with a girl that didn't pan into anything (partially catfish IMO)

- A few phone conversations here and there which either resulted in ghosting, or mutual dislike for one reason or another.

- 1 "Trial" relationship with an attractive and relatively intelligent girl for 4 months or so who ended up being extremely emotionally erratic to the point that I just couldn't support her needs.

- *At least* over $300.00 spent on boosts and tinder gold to increase my exposure, usually leading me to being "liked/matched" by a HUGE majority of unattractive women. Either they were: Overweight, had low-quality pictures, negative personalities (based on their bios alone, my gosh), too many filters... those being the main reasons.

- Don't even get me started on multiple other dating apps. Those have produced *no* results.

I even went to an individual on fiver that helped me customize my profile in a way that "maximizes" matching, and while he was respectful and somewhat honest about things, he already said I had a great profile, and his suggestions made little difference, so that was basically a waste of time and money.

Is there a "correct" way of doing things? It seems there's hundreds of people that give you differing advice like "be yourself, be honest about you and your intentions, be vague, have something funny in your bio, make sure you have at least 1 beach picture, no shirtless pictures, don't message x amount of times, ask them genuine questions, talk about current events, ask an "either/or" question in your bio..."

It's all just baffling. I'm at the point now where if I delete all dating apps, I'm forced to meet others in person by happenstance or chance, which in the COVID-19 environment is extremely unlikely considering the quality type of partner i'm looking for, but if I *keep* my tinder profile, i'm stuck in this endless void of the above mentioned items. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.

The worst part about all of this is I genuinely try to create myself in the image of what I think a valuable partner should be. I'm emotionally considerate, I like to think i'm well-spoken and intelligent, I have an attractive physique due to a solid year of consistent fitness, I have a great job and family, and I strive to be the best person possible for the next partner to come along. I think it's completely reasonable for me to require the same (or something similar) from a potential partner. I'm not going to lower my standards just for the sake of being with someone. It wouldn't be fair to myself or that person.

So anyway, I don't know if others can relate to these experiences or if there's any advice that can be provided which will help. Any feedback or constructive criticism is much appreciated.

Submitted August 24, 2020 at 12:00AM

​To be clear, i'm posting this in the hopes that others can offer constructive advice or share their experience with this app (or other dating apps) so I can relate to others. I am not complaining nor fishing for compliments for the sake of such, just simply stating my personal experiences with the app and relating them to how I feel about thingsTo preface, i've been using Tinder for a long time (approximately 5 or so years on and off), and have had varying levels of "success" over the years. I'm relatively attractive by most basic standards (6'0, somewhat toned physique, high quality pictures, relatively creative bio that's also honest about what I want, etc.).For reference: My full profileI live close to a relatively populous city with a population of about 150,000 (many college aged folk Long story short, in that 5 years of time using Tinder, I've had the following experiences:- 100's of "likes/matches" that immediately ghost when I message or un-match when I like them back- 1 hookup with a girl that didn't pan into anything (partially catfish IMO)- A few phone conversations here and there which either resulted in ghosting, or mutual dislike for one reason or another.- 1 "Trial" relationship with an attractive and relatively intelligent girl for 4 months or so who ended up being extremely emotionally erratic to the point that I just couldn't support her needs.- *At least* over $300.00 spent on boosts and tinder gold to increase my exposure, usually leading me to being "liked/matched" by a HUGE majority of unattractive women. Either they were: Overweight, had low-quality pictures, negative personalities (based on their bios alone, my gosh), too many filters... those being the main reasons.- Don't even get me started on multiple other dating apps. Those have produced *no* results.I even went to an individual on fiver that helped me customize my profile in a way that "maximizes" matching, and while he was respectful and somewhat honest about things, he already said I had a great profile, and his suggestions made little difference, so that was basically a waste of time and money.Is there a "correct" way of doing things? It seems there's hundreds of people that give you differing advice like "be yourself, be honest about you and your intentions, be vague, have something funny in your bio, make sure you have at least 1 beach picture, no shirtless pictures, don't message x amount of times, ask them genuine questions, talk about current events, ask an "either/or" question in your bio..."It's all just baffling. I'm at the point now where if I delete all dating apps, I'm forced to meet others in person by happenstance or chance, which in the COVID-19 environment is extremely unlikely considering the quality type of partner i'm looking for, but if I *keep* my tinder profile, i'm stuck in this endless void of the above mentioned items. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.The worst part about all of this is I genuinely try to create myself in the image of what I think a valuable partner should be. I'm emotionally considerate, I like to think i'm well-spoken and intelligent, I have an attractive physique due to a solid year of consistent fitness, I have a great job and family, and I strive to be the best person possible for the next partner to come along. I think it's completely reasonable for me to require the same (or something similar) from a potential partner. I'm not going to lower my standards just for the sake of being with someone. It wouldn't be fair to myself or that person.So anyway, I don't know if others can relate to these experiences or if there's any advice that can be provided which will help. Any feedback or constructive criticism is much appreciated.