I need to be a better wife because he deserves better.

Please read, this is long.

I have been with my husband for 18 years and married for 17. We started off as friends and it evolved into a beautiful relationship. We might not be perfect people, but I think that we are perfect for each other.

I have struggled with issues from my past and background and on occasion it has meant mild depression, and anxiety. I also struggle with insecurity. I am a work in progress. And he has ALWAYS been there for me, even when I am sure it has been really hard.

Honestly the last time I felt depressed was around this time last summer, and I am not even sure why. Except maybe that we had moved. We moved away from a community I loved. My husband had been commuting for work, like a seriously long commute for 10+ years and it was time to change that. And I loved the community we lived in, but all those years the kids and I lived there and he just slept there. I think I struggled with the changes, but I really had no reason to be depressed. And I think I can be happy and content anywhere.

So anyway, we moved “back home” (this was last summers move) and if moving here has taught us anything, it is that there is nothing holding us here. The things we liked about this town before (like some family) are no longer here. But we have three teenagers and 5 years left in school for the youngest so we will probably ride it out until he is done unless some great opportunity happens before then.

The reason I am writing this is, now my husband has been struggling. He is unhappy with his job and I think the monotony of life when not working. And I have been totally self centered about this and didn’t even realize how unhappy he has been.

I have been seriously worried about him the last few weeks with the way he has been feeling and talking, but I really have been unsure how to handle it and have tried to just listen.

Over the weekend, which was a really good weekend for the most part, I drank too much and got upset about something and tried to spend the night in the car (we were actually out of town and at a hotel this weekend). Anyway when he asked me to come back at the room he was really mad at me and had words for me, which I deserved. He told me that I make everything about me. And even though things like that are hard to hear, I am glad he said it because it really made me think. I am so used to leaning on him to be the strong one and my rock, that I have been scared and weak during his hard time.

All my happiness in this life has been because of him. He works so hard for our family and has missed out on things because of how hard he works. He gave up all that extra time for 10 years because of the commute, for me. He works a job that makes him unhappy, for me. He has worked so hard to make my life better and easier and sacrificed his own happiness, because of me. Honestly I could spend every waking moment of my own from this point forward to try and make his life better and happier and I could never even come close to making it up to him.

And I have been so blind to that, and instead of being strong now that he is struggling, I have made it about me and been insecure and worried that it is me that he is unhappy with.

How do I be a better person, how do I show him how much I appreciate him, how do I lighten his work load and his mental load?

I love him so very much and he is a good person and deserves all the happiness in the world. I am sorry that I haven’t shown my gratefulness and appreciation as much as I should have, and I have taken my best friend for granted.

Please give me advice on how to be a better wife, and maybe even a better person?

Submitted August 23, 2020 at 11:55PM

Please read, this is long.I have been with my husband for 18 years and married for 17. We started off as friends and it evolved into a beautiful relationship. We might not be perfect people, but I think that we are perfect for each other.I have struggled with issues from my past and background and on occasion it has meant mild depression, and anxiety. I also struggle with insecurity. I am a work in progress. And he has ALWAYS been there for me, even when I am sure it has been really hard.Honestly the last time I felt depressed was around this time last summer, and I am not even sure why. Except maybe that we had moved. We moved away from a community I loved. My husband had been commuting for work, like a seriously long commute for 10+ years and it was time to change that. And I loved the community we lived in, but all those years the kids and I lived there and he just slept there. I think I struggled with the changes, but I really had no reason to be depressed. And I think I can be happy and content anywhere.So anyway, we moved “back home” (this was last summers move) and if moving here has taught us anything, it is that there is nothing holding us here. The things we liked about this town before (like some family) are no longer here. But we have three teenagers and 5 years left in school for the youngest so we will probably ride it out until he is done unless some great opportunity happens before then.The reason I am writing this is, now my husband has been struggling. He is unhappy with his job and I think the monotony of life when not working. And I have been totally self centered about this and didn’t even realize how unhappy he has been.I have been seriously worried about him the last few weeks with the way he has been feeling and talking, but I really have been unsure how to handle it and have tried to just listen.Over the weekend, which was a really good weekend for the most part, I drank too much and got upset about something and tried to spend the night in the car (we were actually out of town and at a hotel this weekend). Anyway when he asked me to come back at the room he was really mad at me and had words for me, which I deserved. He told me that I make everything about me. And even though things like that are hard to hear, I am glad he said it because it really made me think. I am so used to leaning on him to be the strong one and my rock, that I have been scared and weak during his hard time.All my happiness in this life has been because of him. He works so hard for our family and has missed out on things because of how hard he works. He gave up all that extra time for 10 years because of the commute, for me. He works a job that makes him unhappy, for me. He has worked so hard to make my life better and easier and sacrificed his own happiness, because of me. Honestly I could spend every waking moment of my own from this point forward to try and make his life better and happier and I could never even come close to making it up to him.And I have been so blind to that, and instead of being strong now that he is struggling, I have made it about me and been insecure and worried that it is me that he is unhappy with.How do I be a better person, how do I show him how much I appreciate him, how do I lighten his work load and his mental load?I love him so very much and he is a good person and deserves all the happiness in the world. I am sorry that I haven’t shown my gratefulness and appreciation as much as I should have, and I have taken my best friend for granted.Please give me advice on how to be a better wife, and maybe even a better person?