my ex-boyfriend (19, m) wants to get back together with me (21, f)

so i'll save this from being too unbearably long but some context is needed, it's a situation that needs some explanation. thanks in advance if you read it all through.

i just recently reconnected with my ex-boyfriend after taking some time away from talking and just generally being involved with him in any way. we had a rough break up, he did a lot of fucked up things and i needed to recover from all of it. he made a tinder account (he said it was a joke, but when is it ever really a joke if you're in a committed relationship) and secretly met up with a girl he was talking to on there. he never did anything sexual with her, but he still felt like he wanted to be with her romantically and snuck around to see her because he knew he would have to explain to me how they met and i would find out about his account. i hold to my belief that this is a form of cheating. when i found out that he met her behind everyone's backs is when everything else came out. he told me that he never felt that "spark" when we were together and we weren't connecting the way he wanted to connect with a partner (even though he never even made serious attempts to communicate with me and make that connection). he constantly made fun of my hobbies and the things i liked to do, and while that really is just his humor i asked him multiple times to tone it down with the jokes that made fun of me and he never seemed to take it seriously. he would rarely communicate his feelings to me because he saw me and my problems as "too much" for him to handle. he questioned that it wasn't possible for him to have found his "soulmate" at a movie theater, which is where we both worked at the time and where we met (but he felt he had found it from some random girl on tinder. the joke is not lost on me). he didn't know what he wanted so after close to 6 months he broke it off. i constantly questioned what i was doing wrong and why he didn't want to open up to me despite our close relationship. questioned if i was really too much for someone to love (still think this, whoops).

but we had a long talk yesterday. we got together and i was determined to hear him out and just take his explanations as what they were. he's had his fair share of shitty life experiences (he ran away from home and away from an abusive enviornment in high school, and because of that he has some serious issues he's still trying to work through) and as a result he's really dependent on the people around him. he's not homeless but he hasn't had a "home" in a really long time, if ever, which has messed with his mental health a crazy amount. he said he took me and everything i did for granted, he was confused and didn't know how to love someone properly and didn't know how to treat a partner correctly. he let me know that i didn't do anything wrong and that he was in his own head from the beginning, didn't realize how he really felt about me behind all of his insecurities and doubts about himself and his general living situation. he's had a lot of talks with the people he trusts and who saw our breakup up close and they let him know he was being an idiot and what he did and how he treated me wasn't right. he said he knows now that, and i quote, "i'm the one he wants to be with. i'm the one for him and he's willing to be better" but now i'm questioning if he really wants to be with me again or if he just recognizes that i'm a little too willing to give second and third chances. i'm questioning if he's worth telling all of my friends who hate him for what he did and risk them being furious with me. i feel uncomfortable going to them about this, hence why i'm here. i question if i actually miss being with HIM or if i just miss the feeling of him loving me. (now for the cheesy part, i make myself yack) i love him still, i know that, he was my first for a lot of things and i will never regret loving him. i wanted nothing but the best for him, i still do. but while even imagining him with someone else breaks my heart and makes me tear up even at the thought, i don't know how i would feel about being with him again. i've forgiven him for the mostly everything, but i don't think i'll forget it all and the lasting effects it's going to have on me. should i try to be with him again despite my reservations? do i forgive him to that extent? (bonus question, if you wanna answer it: was our relationship healthy? i recognize that he could have done a better job at just talking to me, then i might have recognized that we weren't quite on the same page and tried to fix it, but that's normal, right?)

tl;dr my ex-boyfriend wants to get back together with me. i'm not excusing anything he did (actively wanting to be with another girl while we were dating, not respecting my boundaries, not making efforts to communicate his problems [personal and about our relationship], ect) but it makes sense why he did it because of the past he's still actively working through. i can tell that he's changing and growing, but is it worth going against everyone's opinion of him and taking that offer to be with him again?

Submitted May 04, 2020 at 11:57PM

so i'll save this from being too unbearably long but some context is needed, it's a situation that needs some explanation. thanks in advance if you read it all through.i just recently reconnected with my ex-boyfriend after taking some time away from talking and just generally being involved with him in any way. we had a rough break up, he did a lot of fucked up things and i needed to recover from all of it. he made a tinder account (he said it was a joke, but when is it ever really a joke if you're in a committed relationship) and secretly met up with a girl he was talking to on there. he never did anything sexual with her, but he still felt like he wanted to be with her romantically and snuck around to see her because he knew he would have to explain to me how they met and i would find out about his account. i hold to my belief that this is a form of cheating. when i found out that he met her behind everyone's backs is when everything else came out. he told me that he never felt that "spark" when we were together and we weren't connecting the way he wanted to connect with a partner (even though he never even made serious attempts to communicate with me and make that connection). he constantly made fun of my hobbies and the things i liked to do, and while that really is just his humor i asked him multiple times to tone it down with the jokes that made fun of me and he never seemed to take it seriously. he would rarely communicate his feelings to me because he saw me and my problems as "too much" for him to handle. he questioned that it wasn't possible for him to have found his "soulmate" at a movie theater, which is where we both worked at the time and where we met (but he felt he had found it from some random girl on tinder. the joke is not lost on me). he didn't know what he wanted so after close to 6 months he broke it off. i constantly questioned what i was doing wrong and why he didn't want to open up to me despite our close relationship. questioned if i was really too much for someone to love (still think this, whoops).but we had a long talk yesterday. we got together and i was determined to hear him out and just take his explanations as what they were. he's had his fair share of shitty life experiences (he ran away from home and away from an abusive enviornment in high school, and because of that he has some serious issues he's still trying to work through) and as a result he's really dependent on the people around him. he's not homeless but he hasn't had a "home" in a really long time, if ever, which has messed with his mental health a crazy amount. he said he took me and everything i did for granted, he was confused and didn't know how to love someone properly and didn't know how to treat a partner correctly. he let me know that i didn't do anything wrong and that he was in his own head from the beginning, didn't realize how he really felt about me behind all of his insecurities and doubts about himself and his general living situation. he's had a lot of talks with the people he trusts and who saw our breakup up close and they let him know he was being an idiot and what he did and how he treated me wasn't right. he said he knows now that, and i quote, "i'm the one he wants to be with. i'm the one for him and he's willing to be better" but now i'm questioning if he really wants to be with me again or if he just recognizes that i'm a little too willing to give second and third chances. i'm questioning if he's worth telling all of my friends who hate him for what he did and risk them being furious with me. i feel uncomfortable going to them about this, hence why i'm here. i question if i actually miss being with HIM or if i just miss the feeling of him loving me. (now for the cheesy part, i make myself yack) i love him still, i know that, he was my first for a lot of things and i will never regret loving him. i wanted nothing but the best for him, i still do. but while even imagining him with someone else breaks my heart and makes me tear up even at the thought, i don't know how i would feel about being with him again. i've forgiven him for the mostly everything, but i don't think i'll forget it all and the lasting effects it's going to have on me. should i try to be with him again despite my reservations? do i forgive him to that extent? (bonus question, if you wanna answer it: was our relationship healthy? i recognize that he could have done a better job at just talking to me, then i might have recognized that we weren't quite on the same page and tried to fix it, but that's normal, right?)tl;dr my ex-boyfriend wants to get back together with me. i'm not excusing anything he did (actively wanting to be with another girl while we were dating, not respecting my boundaries, not making efforts to communicate his problems [personal and about our relationship], ect) but it makes sense why he did it because of the past he's still actively working through. i can tell that he's changing and growing, but is it worth going against everyone's opinion of him and taking that offer to be with him again?