How can i (M21) get her (F22) back?

Some background on the 2 year relationship: personality wise she was more active and i was more passive. She always felt like i was not loving her or expressing it the way she needed it and carrying the relationship. I really loved her in my own way and tried everything to please her but couldnt fullfill her needs. Sometimes i even did things only for her without looking at what i want. I am aware of that and i am working a lot on myself recently with becoming more active and confident. Somehow i needed the breakup for that.

So we broke up 3 weeks ago. There were highs and lows since then. First we had no contact and i was fine with that and starting to work on myself. Then she reached out to me. We decided to have at least limited contact for university and work related stuff but no more. After a week it felt like it was too much for me (the contact we had was clearly more than necessary and she kinda made me jealous with her posting pictures on social media with other guys and meeting up with a guy friend of her living a 5 hour car ride away from her) So i called her and said i want to have no contact unless its absolutely necessary - she totally did not expect that from me and became very emotional about that and angry and also said that was our last chance. After a week of no contact she reached out again and said it would be the best if we make the breakup final for now and only have contact regarding university, which i agreed on. She also wanted to make sure if its okay for me to see her with another guy, to which i replied that i had to be okay with that. I also asked her the same question and she said she wouldnt like it but had to accept it. She hopes that we can be friends in the future. I also told her that i still want to be with her in the future but for solving the issues of our relationship we had to work on ourselves first. She agreed - but she did not say anything about the possibility of getting back together. That final talk we had was again kinda awkward, because we wanted to end in good terms but clearly had strong feelings for one another - it didnt feel like breaking up to me and i am pretty sure it didnt to her. The thing is i really want her back but i dont know how. Should i reach out to her again now? Or should i work on myself and start having more contact with her in a few months or so? The problem is - she will leave the country for a semester or probably longer in September (that was planned a long time before the breakup) so i am also running out of time.

TLDR: We broke up, what are my options to get her back?



Submitted May 04, 2020 at 11:55PM

Some background on the 2 year relationship: personality wise she was more active and i was more passive. She always felt like i was not loving her or expressing it the way she needed it and carrying the relationship. I really loved her in my own way and tried everything to please her but couldnt fullfill her needs. Sometimes i even did things only for her without looking at what i want. I am aware of that and i am working a lot on myself recently with becoming more active and confident. Somehow i needed the breakup for that.So we broke up 3 weeks ago. There were highs and lows since then. First we had no contact and i was fine with that and starting to work on myself. Then she reached out to me. We decided to have at least limited contact for university and work related stuff but no more. After a week it felt like it was too much for me (the contact we had was clearly more than necessary and she kinda made me jealous with her posting pictures on social media with other guys and meeting up with a guy friend of her living a 5 hour car ride away from her) So i called her and said i want to have no contact unless its absolutely necessary - she totally did not expect that from me and became very emotional about that and angry and also said that was our last chance. After a week of no contact she reached out again and said it would be the best if we make the breakup final for now and only have contact regarding university, which i agreed on. She also wanted to make sure if its okay for me to see her with another guy, to which i replied that i had to be okay with that. I also asked her the same question and she said she wouldnt like it but had to accept it. She hopes that we can be friends in the future. I also told her that i still want to be with her in the future but for solving the issues of our relationship we had to work on ourselves first. She agreed - but she did not say anything about the possibility of getting back together. That final talk we had was again kinda awkward, because we wanted to end in good terms but clearly had strong feelings for one another - it didnt feel like breaking up to me and i am pretty sure it didnt to her. The thing is i really want her back but i dont know how. Should i reach out to her again now? Or should i work on myself and start having more contact with her in a few months or so? The problem is - she will leave the country for a semester or probably longer in September (that was planned a long time before the breakup) so i am also running out of time.TLDR: We broke up, what are my options to get her back?
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