i broke up with my (18,ftm) boyfriend (18,cm) because he made too many offensive jokes. did i overreact?

i broke up with my(18,ftm) boyfriend (18,cm) because he made alot of offensive jokes. did i overreact?

a few months ago, i kind of got together with this guy. we never really called eachother "boyfriends" that much, but it was kind of just... always implied. anyways, im trans (ftm) pre everything, i voice passed pretty well (cant now because of the vocal damage it would cause if i continued) and i told him about this before we even started "dating." the thing is, before i told him, he didn't even call me a girl and assumed i was a boy with a high voice. but after i told him, he started calling me a girl, would misgender me, call me the "mom" of the friend group, and i ignored it at first, but it really started getting to me.

he started to get really mean about surgery and hormones. whenever i mentioned top surgery and testosterone he would literally just say "no youre not/youre not doing that" and pretty much ignore me until i stopped talking about it. there were times when id lump myself in with girls when talking about body differences to AVOID arguments, i.e "most girls periods last this long but mine is this long," etc, but it would just lead to him quipping about how i was "finally accepting im a woman" and laughing at me for getting upset.

along with this, he would use the hard er alot, and started using it towards me. whenever i asked him to stop hed go on a tirade about how sensitive i was and would call me one during these arguments, and would call me one if i made him angry. he said it was all jokes and he only did it because it made me mad, but i still feel like its was kind of disrespectful of him to do. he would let his friends misgender me, and call me slurs, and eventually i just stopped talking to him. id still talk to some of our friends we had in the same group, and whenever we were there together, and our relationship was brought up, or hed call me names again, everyone sided with him and would tell me how sensitive i was and that i should have gotten over it, and that making fun of eachother is something you do when you date someone. hes hinted a few times that i was too mean or too harsh to "break up" with him because of the way he acted, and our other friends responses really make me afraid i was really overreacting in this situation.

he was my first relationship as a trans man so i wonder if this is normal? if i should have waited for him to come around?

tl;dr during our relationship, he purposefully misgendered me, called me (a black man) the hard er to make me upset, and constantly argued with me about hormones and surgery. when we "broke up," he always made jabs at me after that i was too sensitive. was he right?

edit: hes bisexual, or at least identified as such when we were "dating."

Submitted May 05, 2020 at 12:07AM

i broke up with my(18,ftm) boyfriend (18,cm) because he made alot of offensive jokes. did i overreact?a few months ago, i kind of got together with this guy. we never really called eachother "boyfriends" that much, but it was kind of just... always implied. anyways, im trans (ftm) pre everything, i voice passed pretty well (cant now because of the vocal damage it would cause if i continued) and i told him about this before we even started "dating." the thing is, before i told him, he didn't even call me a girl and assumed i was a boy with a high voice. but after i told him, he started calling me a girl, would misgender me, call me the "mom" of the friend group, and i ignored it at first, but it really started getting to me.he started to get really mean about surgery and hormones. whenever i mentioned top surgery and testosterone he would literally just say "no youre not/youre not doing that" and pretty much ignore me until i stopped talking about it. there were times when id lump myself in with girls when talking about body differences to AVOID arguments, i.e "most girls periods last this long but mine is this long," etc, but it would just lead to him quipping about how i was "finally accepting im a woman" and laughing at me for getting upset.along with this, he would use the hard er alot, and started using it towards me. whenever i asked him to stop hed go on a tirade about how sensitive i was and would call me one during these arguments, and would call me one if i made him angry. he said it was all jokes and he only did it because it made me mad, but i still feel like its was kind of disrespectful of him to do. he would let his friends misgender me, and call me slurs, and eventually i just stopped talking to him. id still talk to some of our friends we had in the same group, and whenever we were there together, and our relationship was brought up, or hed call me names again, everyone sided with him and would tell me how sensitive i was and that i should have gotten over it, and that making fun of eachother is something you do when you date someone. hes hinted a few times that i was too mean or too harsh to "break up" with him because of the way he acted, and our other friends responses really make me afraid i was really overreacting in this situation.he was my first relationship as a trans man so i wonder if this is normal? if i should have waited for him to come around?tl;dr during our relationship, he purposefully misgendered me, called me (a black man) the hard er to make me upset, and constantly argued with me about hormones and surgery. when we "broke up," he always made jabs at me after that i was too sensitive. was he right?edit: hes bisexual, or at least identified as such when we were "dating."