Quarantine is hurting our temporary LDR relationship.

TD;LR: Boyfriend (21M) and I (21F) are having difficulties with 5 months of distance while in quarantine, but excelled last time we did distance for 4 months and a 12 hour time difference.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (21F) have been together for a year and a half been forced to return home from school due to quarantine. This effectively put us into a LDR until school begins again in August. It’s been a month since I’ve seen him and I love him dearly, but this quarantine is just getting to us.

This is not the first time we’ve been LDR. I spent last summer on the other side of the world visiting family (4 months) and we got through that without any major hiccups. Now, in quarantine, we’re struggling. We both have anxiety and I also have depression, so this situation isn’t easy to begin with. I get that tensions are higher because we are stuck inside for another month but this is just tearing me apart.

He asks me questions but phrases them in a really rude and off-putting way and then gets upset when I get defensive. He tells me I’m defensive with everyone. I’ve asked family and friends and they say this is not the case. He tells me that I don’t care for his feelings, but he won’t open up to me about them so I have no clue what he’s feeling. There are other things on his end, and I’m trying my best to improve myself during this time because I know I can get snippy.

On my side, he shoots down half the suggestions I make. I suggested a Skype date, but that’s a bad idea. I suggested going to a virtual concert together, he wanted no part in that. We’ll make plans to FaceTime and he’ll forget or be late to the point where I have to go to another (virtual) meeting and can’t talk to him. I don’t feel like I’m a priority anymore. I’ve tried to get him to open up about his feelings but it’s very difficult. Again, there are other things on my end.

I love him so much (I think he feels the same, he says that but my judgement is clouded right now) and I don’t want our relationship to end over something like this, especially when we were able to do distance with a 12 hour time difference for 4 months. We’re only 1 month in out of 5, but I can’t do this if the next 4 months are going to be like this. Any advice on how to make this work better?



Submitted April 11, 2020 at 12:10AM

TD;LR: Boyfriend (21M) and I (21F) are having difficulties with 5 months of distance while in quarantine, but excelled last time we did distance for 4 months and a 12 hour time difference.My boyfriend (21M) and I (21F) have been together for a year and a half been forced to return home from school due to quarantine. This effectively put us into a LDR until school begins again in August. It’s been a month since I’ve seen him and I love him dearly, but this quarantine is just getting to us.This is not the first time we’ve been LDR. I spent last summer on the other side of the world visiting family (4 months) and we got through that without any major hiccups. Now, in quarantine, we’re struggling. We both have anxiety and I also have depression, so this situation isn’t easy to begin with. I get that tensions are higher because we are stuck inside for another month but this is just tearing me apart.He asks me questions but phrases them in a really rude and off-putting way and then gets upset when I get defensive. He tells me I’m defensive with everyone. I’ve asked family and friends and they say this is not the case. He tells me that I don’t care for his feelings, but he won’t open up to me about them so I have no clue what he’s feeling. There are other things on his end, and I’m trying my best to improve myself during this time because I know I can get snippy.On my side, he shoots down half the suggestions I make. I suggested a Skype date, but that’s a bad idea. I suggested going to a virtual concert together, he wanted no part in that. We’ll make plans to FaceTime and he’ll forget or be late to the point where I have to go to another (virtual) meeting and can’t talk to him. I don’t feel like I’m a priority anymore. I’ve tried to get him to open up about his feelings but it’s very difficult. Again, there are other things on my end.I love him so much (I think he feels the same, he says that but my judgement is clouded right now) and I don’t want our relationship to end over something like this, especially when we were able to do distance with a 12 hour time difference for 4 months. We’re only 1 month in out of 5, but I can’t do this if the next 4 months are going to be like this. Any advice on how to make this work better?
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