I [23M] am locked down with my parents and their broken, desperately unhappy marriage. I am their go-between and they can't cope with COVID-19. I'm only 23. How do I keep MY head above the water in this environment??

At first, I was trying to remain positive. I've always thought it's better to act than to sit around and cry about it. I was going to use this time to discover new things about myself. At the age of only 23, my life is at a bit of a cross-roads. I've just graduated and I'm wondering what to do with my life. Now's the PERFECT chance to stop and think what I want with my life.

But there's an issue. I don't really get a lot of time to myself, because I'm basically here to look after my parents who are unable to cope with COVID-19.

My mother has outright given up, which is absolutely unlike her in every way. She's always been a fighter, overcoming everything in her path, and shifting heaven and earth for the people she loves. But she has underlying health issues, several of them, which all means if she gets it, the outcome likely won't be good.

She has absolutely convinced herself she's going to get it and is going to die. Every day she tells me she believes she'll be dead in 2 weeks. I told her to find some more hobbies like learning to play the piano that never gets played in our house, or write a book or something.

"What's the point in learning anything new? I'm probably going to be dead by the end of the month" was her response.

Everything I say and suggest is met with this intense pessimism. And there's me desperately trying to remain optimistic, but all my optimism is met with grave pessimism. It's such a downer. She's outright given up on life and there's nothing I can do. I feel it's putting some very bad thinking styles into my head too, as she's saying "I always knew the world was an unsafe place! I was right!"

You need to surround yourself with positive people, and my mother is being the ULTIMATE debbie downer.

Most of the issues come from the fact my parents are in a really unhappy marriage. Their marriage has been unhappy as long as I can remember. My father does nothing to support my mother, and when my mother gets upset he just shouts at her and calls her names. This leaves her devastated and me to pick up the pieces.

In the absence of a husband figure, I feel I've almost become her stand-in husband. Normally she copes because she does a lot of things outside the house to get away from him. But now they're locked down together and I'm caught in the middle of them.

My father doesn't lift a finger. He sits around and waits for everything to be done for him. He also has COPD, which means he coughs a lot which upsets all of us because it reminds us of COVID-19 and we worry he has it.

Most evenings have been sat listening to my mother rant about how uncaring and unsupportive my father is, and listening to her having essentially given up on life and shooting down all my suggestions of how to improve the situation.

So much for me trying to use this time to figure out what I want with my life. I put all my effort and energy into looking after my parents that there's no energy left for me to look after myself. I'm ALWAYS having to get in the middle of their fights and break them up, then pick up the pieces often late into the night. I'm often with my mother past 1am as she rants and cries about my father.

This is going to be the next 4+ months of my life. I can't escape. I'm locked down like this. I can't even get out to the stores. I AM LOCKED DOWN IN THIS SITUATION.

All my friends are locked down with their girlfriends or in their happy happy families, and this is how I have to lock down. How am I going to stay afloat and keep my head above the water when I'm trapped in with all this toxic negativity for months on end?!

It does not help at ALL that the number of deaths and cases just WILL NOT STOP RISING, despite weeks and weeks of lockdown.

There just seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel.

TL;DR - My mother has given up on life and most of my time is spent looking after her as she can't cope with COVID-19, in the absence of a loving, caring husband.

Submitted April 11, 2020 at 12:16AM

At first, I was trying to remain positive. I've always thought it's better to act than to sit around and cry about it. I was going to use this time to discover new things about myself. At the age of only 23, my life is at a bit of a cross-roads. I've just graduated and I'm wondering what to do with my life. Now's the PERFECT chance to stop and think what I want with my life.But there's an issue. I don't really get a lot of time to myself, because I'm basically here to look after my parents who are unable to cope with COVID-19.My mother has outright given up, which is absolutely unlike her in every way. She's always been a fighter, overcoming everything in her path, and shifting heaven and earth for the people she loves. But she has underlying health issues, several of them, which all means if she gets it, the outcome likely won't be good.She has absolutely convinced herself she's going to get it and is going to die. Every day she tells me she believes she'll be dead in 2 weeks. I told her to find some more hobbies like learning to play the piano that never gets played in our house, or write a book or something."What's the point in learning anything new? I'm probably going to be dead by the end of the month" was her response.Everything I say and suggest is met with this intense pessimism. And there's me desperately trying to remain optimistic, but all my optimism is met with grave pessimism. It's such a downer. She's outright given up on life and there's nothing I can do. I feel it's putting some very bad thinking styles into my head too, as she's saying "I always knew the world was an unsafe place! I was right!"You need to surround yourself with positive people, and my mother is being the ULTIMATE debbie downer.Most of the issues come from the fact my parents are in a really unhappy marriage. Their marriage has been unhappy as long as I can remember. My father does nothing to support my mother, and when my mother gets upset he just shouts at her and calls her names. This leaves her devastated and me to pick up the pieces.In the absence of a husband figure, I feel I've almost become her stand-in husband. Normally she copes because she does a lot of things outside the house to get away from him. But now they're locked down together and I'm caught in the middle of them.My father doesn't lift a finger. He sits around and waits for everything to be done for him. He also has COPD, which means he coughs a lot which upsets all of us because it reminds us of COVID-19 and we worry he has it.Most evenings have been sat listening to my mother rant about how uncaring and unsupportive my father is, and listening to her having essentially given up on life and shooting down all my suggestions of how to improve the situation.So much for me trying to use this time to figure out what I want with my life. I put all my effort and energy into looking after my parents that there's no energy left for me to look after myself. I'm ALWAYS having to get in the middle of their fights and break them up, then pick up the pieces often late into the night. I'm often with my mother past 1am as she rants and cries about my father.This is going to be the next 4+ months of my life. I can't escape. I'm locked down like this. I can't even get out to the stores. I AM LOCKED DOWN IN THIS SITUATION.All my friends are locked down with their girlfriends or in their happy happy families, and this is how I have to lock down. How am I going to stay afloat and keep my head above the water when I'm trapped in with all this toxic negativity for months on end?!It does not help at ALL that the number of deaths and cases just WILL NOT STOP RISING, despite weeks and weeks of lockdown.There just seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel.TL;DR - My mother has given up on life and most of my time is spent looking after her as she can't cope with COVID-19, in the absence of a loving, caring husband.