My boyfriend hardly orgasms having sex with me - Maybe I'm just not sexual at all?

Okay, so this is kind of embarrassing to me (so, sorry about the throwaway) but I'm not sure if I'm normal or that I work properly. Also really sorry if this just seems like a pity party and a bit miserable. For context, I'm a 22 year old female. And sorry it's so long too.

When I was 18 I got with a guy. Let's call him Jim. I met Jim at school and we really got along and I loved him (and still love him so much). When we first met I was about 3 stone lighter. I lost my virginity with him and he is the only man I've ever slept with or even spoken sexually to, even to this day. Throughout some of our relationship we spent some weeks and sometimes months not seeing eachother as I went to university, and as our relationship progressed our time together was limited as his mother wasn't very kind to me or my family.

Anyway, when me and Jim did see each other though, we often had sex. However, while Jim was able to make me orgasm, he often took a long time to orgasm, more often than not he would get tired and give up and having to finish himself. At first I didn't really take much notice and just assumed maybe it was nervousness and that things would work themselves out. As time progressed though, the problem seemed to get worse and Jim would rarely be able to finish while just having sex with me. Even me giving him a blow job or handjob wouldn't seem to make much difference. When Jim went to university he even kissed another girl in front of all his friends and I started to wonder if it was just because he wasn't finding me attractive anymore, but he assured me he did and that he didn't find the other girl attractive and it was just a mistake. I stayed with him but it did make me wonder if I was enough.

In the third year of our relationship we moved in together and it just seemed to get worse. Sometimes Jim would ask me to pick a dirty subreddit for him to get off on instead of having sex with me. It hurt my feelings, but I wanted him to get off too so I would, but it would still leave me wondering if I was doing something wrong in the bedroom. Jim didn't even seem to want to sext me so we would only sext if I initiate it. I started to research how to make myself more appealing in the bedroom. We had used rope before, but it didn't seem to make a difference. I decided to buy nice lingerie to surprise him with, and then even matching sporty designer underwear, I got lip fillers, I even on one occassion asked him if he wanted to have porn on while we had sex but it didn't seem to make much of a difference. When Jim couldn't finish I would just lie there after we had given up and I would sob and sob and sob and Jim would hold me. Jim said that he was stressed and that's what was stopping him from finishing. I can kind of see how that would make sense as when we went abroad last year he actually came quite quickly and I was really happy about it because it made me feel wanted. He said that it was because he felt far away from his mother's emotional abuse and that made him feel more comfortable.

However, after the new year our relationship broke down. We stop seeing each other. We argued a lot and we agreed that we would work on ourselves to be with each other again. One day Jim told me that he didn't want me to wait around for him anymore and he wanted me to see other people. I said that I didn't want to and asked if this was because he wanted to see other people, but Jim said that he did not, he just wanted me to be happy. I did go on one date with a man that we'll call Fred. Fred was chasing me and I was lonely so I went on a date with him (which is horrible, I know). We kissed but that was all as I was far from ready to do anything else with anyone other than Jim, and I didn't really have much of a connection with Fred. Me and Jim started talking again after I told him how much I missed him and we both decided that in time we'd like to try dating and maybe a relationship again and we agreed to be exclusive. We spoke about who we spoke to and what we did on our break. I told him about my date and he told me about a girl he was sexting and that he had received underwear pictures from and that he had masturbated to them. This girl had even saved a sext about what Jim had said she wanted to do to her to her phone. I was so hurt even though I have no right to be. I knew he wasn't cheating but I wondered why I wasn't enough. When I asked him he would say that he did nothing wrong and that he does show me that he is attracted to me I just ignore it. When we do sext now I freak out and tell him I can't do it because I'm scared I'm getting it wrong and not turning him on. Everything sexual that I do seems to fall flat.

I'm sorry this is so long, so if you've read up to here, thank you. Basically, the point of this is how can I be more desirable? I'm really starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. Is it possible for a woman to just not be sexually attractive at all? Am I one of those women? What if I'm broken?

TL;DR - My boyfriend hardly orgasms having sex with me, not sure if it's just because I'm undesirable or if he is honest about wanting me and he is stressed.

Edited for clarity.

Submitted April 17, 2020 at 11:26PM

Okay, so this is kind of embarrassing to me (so, sorry about the throwaway) but I'm not sure if I'm normal or that I work properly. Also really sorry if this just seems like a pity party and a bit miserable. For context, I'm a 22 year old female. And sorry it's so long too.When I was 18 I got with a guy. Let's call him Jim. I met Jim at school and we really got along and I loved him (and still love him so much). When we first met I was about 3 stone lighter. I lost my virginity with him and he is the only man I've ever slept with or even spoken sexually to, even to this day. Throughout some of our relationship we spent some weeks and sometimes months not seeing eachother as I went to university, and as our relationship progressed our time together was limited as his mother wasn't very kind to me or my family.Anyway, when me and Jim did see each other though, we often had sex. However, while Jim was able to make me orgasm, he often took a long time to orgasm, more often than not he would get tired and give up and having to finish himself. At first I didn't really take much notice and just assumed maybe it was nervousness and that things would work themselves out. As time progressed though, the problem seemed to get worse and Jim would rarely be able to finish while just having sex with me. Even me giving him a blow job or handjob wouldn't seem to make much difference. When Jim went to university he even kissed another girl in front of all his friends and I started to wonder if it was just because he wasn't finding me attractive anymore, but he assured me he did and that he didn't find the other girl attractive and it was just a mistake. I stayed with him but it did make me wonder if I was enough.In the third year of our relationship we moved in together and it just seemed to get worse. Sometimes Jim would ask me to pick a dirty subreddit for him to get off on instead of having sex with me. It hurt my feelings, but I wanted him to get off too so I would, but it would still leave me wondering if I was doing something wrong in the bedroom. Jim didn't even seem to want to sext me so we would only sext if I initiate it. I started to research how to make myself more appealing in the bedroom. We had used rope before, but it didn't seem to make a difference. I decided to buy nice lingerie to surprise him with, and then even matching sporty designer underwear, I got lip fillers, I even on one occassion asked him if he wanted to have porn on while we had sex but it didn't seem to make much of a difference. When Jim couldn't finish I would just lie there after we had given up and I would sob and sob and sob and Jim would hold me. Jim said that he was stressed and that's what was stopping him from finishing. I can kind of see how that would make sense as when we went abroad last year he actually came quite quickly and I was really happy about it because it made me feel wanted. He said that it was because he felt far away from his mother's emotional abuse and that made him feel more comfortable.However, after the new year our relationship broke down. We stop seeing each other. We argued a lot and we agreed that we would work on ourselves to be with each other again. One day Jim told me that he didn't want me to wait around for him anymore and he wanted me to see other people. I said that I didn't want to and asked if this was because he wanted to see other people, but Jim said that he did not, he just wanted me to be happy. I did go on one date with a man that we'll call Fred. Fred was chasing me and I was lonely so I went on a date with him (which is horrible, I know). We kissed but that was all as I was far from ready to do anything else with anyone other than Jim, and I didn't really have much of a connection with Fred. Me and Jim started talking again after I told him how much I missed him and we both decided that in time we'd like to try dating and maybe a relationship again and we agreed to be exclusive. We spoke about who we spoke to and what we did on our break. I told him about my date and he told me about a girl he was sexting and that he had received underwear pictures from and that he had masturbated to them. This girl had even saved a sext about what Jim had said she wanted to do to her to her phone. I was so hurt even though I have no right to be. I knew he wasn't cheating but I wondered why I wasn't enough. When I asked him he would say that he did nothing wrong and that he does show me that he is attracted to me I just ignore it. When we do sext now I freak out and tell him I can't do it because I'm scared I'm getting it wrong and not turning him on. Everything sexual that I do seems to fall flat.I'm sorry this is so long, so if you've read up to here, thank you. Basically, the point of this is how can I be more desirable? I'm really starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. Is it possible for a woman to just not be sexually attractive at all? Am I one of those women? What if I'm broken?TL;DR - My boyfriend hardly orgasms having sex with me, not sure if it's just because I'm undesirable or if he is honest about wanting me and he is stressed.Edited for clarity.