I never enjoy sex and I think I would feel ashamed if i did

Sorry if the title is confusing but i need help please. I'm a woman and when I sleep with a man, I just focus on his fantasies, his desires, I do what he wants and I pretend I like it. Now, I don't violate my boundaries (no anal and no going down on me, under any circumstances), so I don't feel bad during sex but I feel bored and just make him cum because that's how it is. When I ask "what are your kinks" and men return the question, unless they like what I like, I stay silent. I don't want to be demanding and I don't want to ask anything. I feel like my duty is just to ride a penis and moan. I don't want to make them uncomfortable with my personal fantasies because I find them very silly and just awkward. I don't understand how a man could just shamelessly ask me to roleplay as an 8 years old, and I feel jealous because it's """worse""" than my own kinks but he could ask me straight up without blushing about it. How can I be like that? How can I just be open about what I like to do? The problem isn't the men, they ask at least half of the time, it's just that even if some of them care about my pleasure, I don't, and I want to care because I'm sick of being bored during sex. I feel like I'd be a disgusting burden who steals freedom from men by asking things instead of obeying. I feel like I'm already lucky that they sleep with me and it's about them, they give me hugs and kiss me so the least i can do in return is not be demanding. I know this is dumb but it's somehow how i feel.



Submitted April 15, 2020 at 11:30PM

Sorry if the title is confusing but i need help please. I'm a woman and when I sleep with a man, I just focus on his fantasies, his desires, I do what he wants and I pretend I like it. Now, I don't violate my boundaries (no anal and no going down on me, under any circumstances), so I don't feel bad during sex but I feel bored and just make him cum because that's how it is. When I ask "what are your kinks" and men return the question, unless they like what I like, I stay silent. I don't want to be demanding and I don't want to ask anything. I feel like my duty is just to ride a penis and moan. I don't want to make them uncomfortable with my personal fantasies because I find them very silly and just awkward. I don't understand how a man could just shamelessly ask me to roleplay as an 8 years old, and I feel jealous because it's """worse""" than my own kinks but he could ask me straight up without blushing about it. How can I be like that? How can I just be open about what I like to do? The problem isn't the men, they ask at least half of the time, it's just that even if some of them care about my pleasure, I don't, and I want to care because I'm sick of being bored during sex. I feel like I'd be a disgusting burden who steals freedom from men by asking things instead of obeying. I feel like I'm already lucky that they sleep with me and it's about them, they give me hugs and kiss me so the least i can do in return is not be demanding. I know this is dumb but it's somehow how i feel.
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