Tw: consent/violence. He (30) strangled me (27f) on the first day without consent. I need help processing this.

We met on Bumble. He seemed very interesting and we agreed to meet for drinks. Hit it off well and we went out back and kissed a bit. While we were talking he made a joke about being aggressive but seemed not serious. While we were kissing he suddenly started biting my lip and neck which I didnt mind but thought was a little pushy. Then suddenly his hands were around my neck and he was choking me.

I asked him where it came from and he said "I dont know I've never really done that and didnt know if I would like it or not until I saw how into you were"

But I dont remember being into it? Is this a thing that happens? I feel like such a moron for being offended because shit like this constantly happens to me in terms of men assuming I want sex or sexual activity and just climbing on me without a word... but something about the fact that I literally didnt know this person and they could have killed me??? Really freaks me out.

Can y'all just talk this one out with me? I feel violated but also like in retrospect he dropped hints about having a dom kink and i just thought he was joking. I can still feel where he grabbed my neck. I had to go to a friends and work up the nerve to ask her to look for bruising before I go to work tomorrow and I felt so ashamed to even ask for help and admit what happened because I feel like I walked myself into the situation by meeting someone in person from an app.

Tl;dr: first date this guy choked me while kissing. I feel confused and violated and need help categorizing and processing.



Submitted March 08, 2020 at 11:19PM

We met on Bumble. He seemed very interesting and we agreed to meet for drinks. Hit it off well and we went out back and kissed a bit. While we were talking he made a joke about being aggressive but seemed not serious. While we were kissing he suddenly started biting my lip and neck which I didnt mind but thought was a little pushy. Then suddenly his hands were around my neck and he was choking me.I asked him where it came from and he said "I dont know I've never really done that and didnt know if I would like it or not until I saw how into you were"But I dont remember being into it? Is this a thing that happens? I feel like such a moron for being offended because shit like this constantly happens to me in terms of men assuming I want sex or sexual activity and just climbing on me without a word... but something about the fact that I literally didnt know this person and they could have killed me??? Really freaks me out.Can y'all just talk this one out with me? I feel violated but also like in retrospect he dropped hints about having a dom kink and i just thought he was joking. I can still feel where he grabbed my neck. I had to go to a friends and work up the nerve to ask her to look for bruising before I go to work tomorrow and I felt so ashamed to even ask for help and admit what happened because I feel like I walked myself into the situation by meeting someone in person from an app.Tl;dr: first date this guy choked me while kissing. I feel confused and violated and need help categorizing and processing.
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