Straight woman, only able to orgasm from fantasizing about lesbian sex or from male perspective

I'm usually only able to orgasm alone, while fantasizing about lesbian sex or by fantasizing about straight sex, but from the man's perspective. I've orgasmed several times by thinking about sex with a man from my perspective, but only if it something deviating from standard sex, like an older man, public sex, or more than one man.

I've only had four partners, but over the course of ten years I've never had an orgasm during intercourse, only alone (30 now)

I find it odd that I almost always fantasize about women, but I've never felt sexual attraction to a woman in real life; I only feel attraction, romantic and sexual, for men. The thought of being with a woman when I'm not already aroused, is vaguely gross to me and I don't feel any urge to explore it. I'm sure I could be bisexual if I met the right woman, but I feel like almost everyone is bisexual in this vague way.

I feel like it has something to do with getting off from the mental stimulus of desire, if that makes sense. I find it hard to get off by imagining myself with a man, because I find it hard to imagine a man desiring me, and I feel turned on by the other person's desire. When I'm imagining a woman, I'm the one with the desire, and the one who's pursuing. But in real life, I want to be the one who is pursued- I have no interest in being the initiator.

Does this make any sense at all, And has anyone else experienced anything similar?

Submitted March 08, 2020 at 11:46PM

I'm usually only able to orgasm alone, while fantasizing about lesbian sex or by fantasizing about straight sex, but from the man's perspective. I've orgasmed several times by thinking about sex with a man from my perspective, but only if it something deviating from standard sex, like an older man, public sex, or more than one man.I've only had four partners, but over the course of ten years I've never had an orgasm during intercourse, only alone (30 now)I find it odd that I almost always fantasize about women, but I've never felt sexual attraction to a woman in real life; I only feel attraction, romantic and sexual, for men. The thought of being with a woman when I'm not already aroused, is vaguely gross to me and I don't feel any urge to explore it. I'm sure I could be bisexual if I met the right woman, but I feel like almost everyone is bisexual in this vague way.I feel like it has something to do with getting off from the mental stimulus of desire, if that makes sense. I find it hard to get off by imagining myself with a man, because I find it hard to imagine a man desiring me, and I feel turned on by the other person's desire. When I'm imagining a woman, I'm the one with the desire, and the one who's pursuing. But in real life, I want to be the one who is pursued- I have no interest in being the initiator.Does this make any sense at all, And has anyone else experienced anything similar?