Issues with my BF (24M) being unmotivated and unhealthy

A little background: my bf and I are both almost 24 and have been close friends for about 2.5 years, and we recently decided to start dating about 6 months ago. He's always been very kind and respectful towards me and has really proven to be trustworthy, kind to my other friends and family, and reliable. Hes a real great guy and weve began talking about this being a long-term commitment - which I would be on board with. Both of us are very put together and are physically and financially able to care for ourselves if we are on our own or if something happens. The flip side of that is that I do have a very great and promising career that I feel excited about, while he has a very entry-level, "comfortable" job (both us work in IT). He's always been super supportive of my career decisions as well.

So, I'm never against anyone who wants to keep a "comfortable" job, however, back when we began talking seriously he requested my assistance with revamping his resume, help looking for better jobs, and even help teaching him coding languages and study help on certifications. I agreed to his because he has always proven to be a smart guy who wants to push himself to do something better. He said that his pay was not where it needs to be, his attitude about the place has sucked, his hours are shit, etc. So of course I spent quite some time to help him, he has always appreciated the things I go out of my way for.

He recently applied for one job but was rejected. And lately, he stopped applying for any jobs altogether, but continues to bitch about his current job. I asked him why doesn't he keep applying, but he says hes comfortable, doesn't want change, and just doesn'thave any motivation.... yet he keeps bitching. I feel like I need to have a conversation with him about this, especially because it's affecting his overall health (depression + weight issues + sleep issues) in a very negative way. I feel like I can only help so much (cook healthier dinners + take him with me when I go on walks + listen to him vent about his feelings, etc.), but I also feel like I need him to do his part as well in this. In addition to it, I am starting to feel like if I do anything long-term, I need a partner who has a bit more drive and positivity than what he currently has.

I dont feel like I want to dump him, because besides this, hes proven to be a great guy. But I dont know if I should mention all this to him - I'm scared of insulting or offending him. I do want him to know how I feel about all this, but I don't think its breakup-worthy quite yet. What are y'alls opinions?

TL;DR: BF is unmotivated in his career, and it's starting to take a toll on his physical and mental health - plus he keeps bitching about it. I also want something long term with someone who wants better for themselves. I'm not sure if I should talk to him about it or let it go.



Submitted March 20, 2020 at 12:31AM

A little background: my bf and I are both almost 24 and have been close friends for about 2.5 years, and we recently decided to start dating about 6 months ago. He's always been very kind and respectful towards me and has really proven to be trustworthy, kind to my other friends and family, and reliable. Hes a real great guy and weve began talking about this being a long-term commitment - which I would be on board with. Both of us are very put together and are physically and financially able to care for ourselves if we are on our own or if something happens. The flip side of that is that I do have a very great and promising career that I feel excited about, while he has a very entry-level, "comfortable" job (both us work in IT). He's always been super supportive of my career decisions as well.So, I'm never against anyone who wants to keep a "comfortable" job, however, back when we began talking seriously he requested my assistance with revamping his resume, help looking for better jobs, and even help teaching him coding languages and study help on certifications. I agreed to his because he has always proven to be a smart guy who wants to push himself to do something better. He said that his pay was not where it needs to be, his attitude about the place has sucked, his hours are shit, etc. So of course I spent quite some time to help him, he has always appreciated the things I go out of my way for.He recently applied for one job but was rejected. And lately, he stopped applying for any jobs altogether, but continues to bitch about his current job. I asked him why doesn't he keep applying, but he says hes comfortable, doesn't want change, and just doesn'thave any motivation.... yet he keeps bitching. I feel like I need to have a conversation with him about this, especially because it's affecting his overall health (depression + weight issues + sleep issues) in a very negative way. I feel like I can only help so much (cook healthier dinners + take him with me when I go on walks + listen to him vent about his feelings, etc.), but I also feel like I need him to do his part as well in this. In addition to it, I am starting to feel like if I do anything long-term, I need a partner who has a bit more drive and positivity than what he currently has.I dont feel like I want to dump him, because besides this, hes proven to be a great guy. But I dont know if I should mention all this to him - I'm scared of insulting or offending him. I do want him to know how I feel about all this, but I don't think its breakup-worthy quite yet. What are y'alls opinions?TL;DR: BF is unmotivated in his career, and it's starting to take a toll on his physical and mental health - plus he keeps bitching about it. I also want something long term with someone who wants better for themselves. I'm not sure if I should talk to him about it or let it go.
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