So there’s this girl (25F) me (24F)

So there’s this girl.. advice appreciated

So there’s this girl who I met on a dating app who I’ve been talking to pretty regularly for 1.5 months - think texting throughout the day, we used to stay up and talk till late etc. but we haven’t met up yet

She just got out of a serious relationship which she was in for years and said she’s not over her ex which is why she doesn’t want to go on a date with me or meet because she thinks she would be leading me on which I think is totally understandable. Initially she wanted to take it slow, then wanted to hook up but since I’m a virgin I was unsure of going ahead since I think I would catch feelings and get hurt. Then I actually considered hooking up because I was tmi horny. But she decided it was best we didn’t. She also stated she was going to focus on herself so she didn’t want to date for a year.

I’ve been using dating apps for four years with the hope of finding a serious relationship but nothing came out of it. Main problems being not feeling a connection in person or interest not being reciprocated. I also haven’t been in a relationship or even properly started seeing someone (as in been on more than 3 dates with someone). But I also know I tend to break things off if I don’t feel something within two dates. I told myself maybe the next girl who was interested and I was interested in I’d just see where things go instead, just to get some dating experience (find out what it’s like) and not break it off so early

When people ask if I’ve been in a relationship before and I have to confess that I haven’t I get a painful feeling in my chest because I guess it makes me feel like I’m undesirable. In the end, dating apps make me sad and are horrible for my self confidence so I’m taking a break from looking at the moment. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m actually ready for a relationship, I don’t feel like I’m the person I want to be yet. So I know there are things I can work on but doesn’t everyone?

This girl asks me questions about my thoughts on things and it’s literally the first time in my life where someone has shown an interest in my opinions like that. Usually my conversations seem one sided with people not seeming very interested. Which is confusing me a lot because I know she’s not interesting in a relationship. But since I have never been in a relationship I associate these things with dating, which is screwing with my brain. I keep telling myself to keep my hopes down that this will turn into anything. But in reality I know I’m continuing to talk to her since I hope it will turn into something. A couple of times she’s left me on read but I know she’s a busy person but I also think maybe I can’t take a hint. But then she’ll ask me questions back and doesnt just give conversation ending responses. it’s nice she actually has time to talk to someone she’s never met but she also confessed she’s been feeling lonely since the break up and felt like she needed someone. In a way I guess we are that person for each other since I’ve been feeling lonely too.

I’m also not the best at making friends and am running low on them atm. The people I considered close friends in university never messaged me to talk outside of uni. So maybe I’m not the best judge of friendships. I’m trying to find better ones that have my best interests at heart. I find it difficult to open up to people but with her the connection is like nothing I’ve experienced before, which is the main reason I’m reluctant to just let it go.

I love talking to her and I feel like I can be myself around her which is rare for me. But I feel myself getting my hopes up that this will go somewhere if I just wait which I’m not sure is realistic. In my head , I also think she must like me to some extent/ be interested to keep taking to a stranger for this long but then maybe she’s just a very nice person or lonely

But I’ve always wanted to have more irl lesbian friends and since I have never actually dated someone I think I could do this with her (as in since I’ve never crossed that friendship into dating line before) but I also know I’ve been daydreaming about cute coupley moments a lot since we started talking.

I guess my main question is am I hurting myself by continuing to talk to her or can I make a new friend and/or hold onto the hope it might turn into something

Thank you to anyone who managed to read to the end of this ramble . Any advice is appreciated from people who have been on both sides of the situation

Submitted February 12, 2020 at 12:04AM

So there’s this girl.. advice appreciatedSo there’s this girl who I met on a dating app who I’ve been talking to pretty regularly for 1.5 months - think texting throughout the day, we used to stay up and talk till late etc. but we haven’t met up yetShe just got out of a serious relationship which she was in for years and said she’s not over her ex which is why she doesn’t want to go on a date with me or meet because she thinks she would be leading me on which I think is totally understandable. Initially she wanted to take it slow, then wanted to hook up but since I’m a virgin I was unsure of going ahead since I think I would catch feelings and get hurt. Then I actually considered hooking up because I was tmi horny. But she decided it was best we didn’t. She also stated she was going to focus on herself so she didn’t want to date for a year.I’ve been using dating apps for four years with the hope of finding a serious relationship but nothing came out of it. Main problems being not feeling a connection in person or interest not being reciprocated. I also haven’t been in a relationship or even properly started seeing someone (as in been on more than 3 dates with someone). But I also know I tend to break things off if I don’t feel something within two dates. I told myself maybe the next girl who was interested and I was interested in I’d just see where things go instead, just to get some dating experience (find out what it’s like) and not break it off so earlyWhen people ask if I’ve been in a relationship before and I have to confess that I haven’t I get a painful feeling in my chest because I guess it makes me feel like I’m undesirable. In the end, dating apps make me sad and are horrible for my self confidence so I’m taking a break from looking at the moment. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m actually ready for a relationship, I don’t feel like I’m the person I want to be yet. So I know there are things I can work on but doesn’t everyone?This girl asks me questions about my thoughts on things and it’s literally the first time in my life where someone has shown an interest in my opinions like that. Usually my conversations seem one sided with people not seeming very interested. Which is confusing me a lot because I know she’s not interesting in a relationship. But since I have never been in a relationship I associate these things with dating, which is screwing with my brain. I keep telling myself to keep my hopes down that this will turn into anything. But in reality I know I’m continuing to talk to her since I hope it will turn into something. A couple of times she’s left me on read but I know she’s a busy person but I also think maybe I can’t take a hint. But then she’ll ask me questions back and doesnt just give conversation ending responses. it’s nice she actually has time to talk to someone she’s never met but she also confessed she’s been feeling lonely since the break up and felt like she needed someone. In a way I guess we are that person for each other since I’ve been feeling lonely too.I’m also not the best at making friends and am running low on them atm. The people I considered close friends in university never messaged me to talk outside of uni. So maybe I’m not the best judge of friendships. I’m trying to find better ones that have my best interests at heart. I find it difficult to open up to people but with her the connection is like nothing I’ve experienced before, which is the main reason I’m reluctant to just let it go.I love talking to her and I feel like I can be myself around her which is rare for me. But I feel myself getting my hopes up that this will go somewhere if I just wait which I’m not sure is realistic. In my head , I also think she must like me to some extent/ be interested to keep taking to a stranger for this long but then maybe she’s just a very nice person or lonelyBut I’ve always wanted to have more irl lesbian friends and since I have never actually dated someone I think I could do this with her (as in since I’ve never crossed that friendship into dating line before) but I also know I’ve been daydreaming about cute coupley moments a lot since we started talking.I guess my main question is am I hurting myself by continuing to talk to her or can I make a new friend and/or hold onto the hope it might turn into somethingThank you to anyone who managed to read to the end of this ramble . Any advice is appreciated from people who have been on both sides of the situation