The few months of online dating I have done have made me feel as bad as when I never left my house and didn't have a job.

I used to be a very miserable and depressed person a few years back. I had never had a job, had no license, didn't take care of myself, couldn't even walk out on my front doorstep due to anxiety, etc.

In the last few years, though, I have made incredible strides. I have 2 jobs, I have my own car, I don't live with my parents, I'm taking better care of myself, I've moved to a more prosperous area, I'm just doing so much better in general. So I decided that I should start putting myself out there.

They say you just need to love yourself, right? That's the line people always use anyway. Well, I do love myself (or did), but I guess other people don't think I should, because I have had no success at all. Either there is a glitch in the matrix, or it may not quite be as simple as people make it out to seem.

I don't even care about the people who don't respond, the conversations that just kind of fizzle out, or the people who disappear after a bit. What bothers me is when people make plans with you and then flake as the time draws near. This happens to me all the fucking time. Twice this week already, and one of them happened today. It doesn't even seem to matter how the conversations go either. It's literally the same shit every. fucking. time. The past 2 weeks have been brutal for this.

I feel like an idiot for expecting anything different at this point. It brings to mind that one Einstein quote about insanity. The same shit has happened to me over and over and yet I think that this time it will be different. I thought the girl who flaked on me today was different. She was asking me how my day was as early as yesterday. The place we were supposed to go was her suggestion for fuck's sake. Fuck, we talked all day yesterday. We were even talking today, and, yet, without a moment's hesitation she was gone just like that when I asked if we were still on for tomorrow. I should be used to it by now, but it still stings the 20th/30th (I've lost count at this point) time as it did the first.

I feel so shitty right now. Every bit as terrible as I did back when things sucked. I just don't understand how people can so fake. It sucks when you're so lonely and people dangle these carrots in front of you only to yank them away at the last minute. People told me that other people would love me once I loved myself, but I guess I'm the exception. It's so hard to not be misanthropic about this because these people are all pretty much exactly the same, and it keeps happening over and over again.

I'm just kind of tired of it all. I don't have enough time these days to try and meet new people in person. I feel trapped at this point. I wish I was someone else. Maybe my mother was right about me.

Submitted January 21, 2020 at 12:22AM

I used to be a very miserable and depressed person a few years back. I had never had a job, had no license, didn't take care of myself, couldn't even walk out on my front doorstep due to anxiety, etc.In the last few years, though, I have made incredible strides. I have 2 jobs, I have my own car, I don't live with my parents, I'm taking better care of myself, I've moved to a more prosperous area, I'm just doing so much better in general. So I decided that I should start putting myself out there.They say you just need to love yourself, right? That's the line people always use anyway. Well, I do love myself (or did), but I guess other people don't think I should, because I have had no success at all. Either there is a glitch in the matrix, or it may not quite be as simple as people make it out to seem.I don't even care about the people who don't respond, the conversations that just kind of fizzle out, or the people who disappear after a bit. What bothers me is when people make plans with you and then flake as the time draws near. This happens to me all the fucking time. Twice this week already, and one of them happened today. It doesn't even seem to matter how the conversations go either. It's literally the same shit every. fucking. time. The past 2 weeks have been brutal for this.I feel like an idiot for expecting anything different at this point. It brings to mind that one Einstein quote about insanity. The same shit has happened to me over and over and yet I think that this time it will be different. I thought the girl who flaked on me today was different. She was asking me how my day was as early as yesterday. The place we were supposed to go was her suggestion for fuck's sake. Fuck, we talked all day yesterday. We were even talking today, and, yet, without a moment's hesitation she was gone just like that when I asked if we were still on for tomorrow. I should be used to it by now, but it still stings the 20th/30th (I've lost count at this point) time as it did the first.I feel so shitty right now. Every bit as terrible as I did back when things sucked. I just don't understand how people can so fake. It sucks when you're so lonely and people dangle these carrots in front of you only to yank them away at the last minute. People told me that other people would love me once I loved myself, but I guess I'm the exception. It's so hard to not be misanthropic about this because these people are all pretty much exactly the same, and it keeps happening over and over again.I'm just kind of tired of it all. I don't have enough time these days to try and meet new people in person. I feel trapped at this point. I wish I was someone else. Maybe my mother was right about me.