Realizing My Worth and Knowing When To Walk Away

So I have been dating this guy since November. We started talking through Bumble in September. He has been divorced for about 6-7 years now and has 5 children ages 8-19. I didn't find out about the kids until I had been speaking to him for about a month. I am a child free person however I was willing to give it a chance with him. I even stated that I didn't want to meet the kids until at least 6 months down the line or when we felt comfortable with introducing us. We started going out on dates and we both really liked each other. However, I noticed that there were some strange things about him. He claimed that he had his kids on weekends so I could never see him Friday-Sunday. When I saw him on weekdays, it was very scheduled like he could see me Monday from 3-5 or Tuesday night and he would get to my house around 5:30 but be gone by 9:00. I offered to come to his house once a week since my schedule is more flexible and I didn’t mind going once a week. He was very evasive about his life. Never offering details about anything. I had to ask a lot of direct questions to get answers from him. I asked him about his divorce and it was ugly. He put all the blame on the ex-wife. She basically cheated on him. I asked him if they had been having any problems before that or if he had seen any signs that something wasn’t right and he said no. Fast forward, I told him last week that I needed more communication from him and I needed to see him more than once a week for 2-3 hours if we are trying to work towards a relationship. How can I get to know him if I never see him? Also, all communication was through text. No calls or video chats. If I can’t see him, the least we can do is talk on the phone a few times a week. I respect his relationship with his children and I never complained if he had last minute changes to his schedule. However I felt like I wasn’t a priority and more like an option. I saw him last Tuesday and we had a great time. However, I hadn't heard from him the past 5 days. I text him yesterday to say hey I’m feeling a little confused. I thought we had a great time on Tuesday and I haven’t heard from you since then. Do you not want to see me anymore? If that’s the case then please just say that and we can both move on. I feel like you don’t communicate very well and it confuses me all the time. His response was that he was busy and it was nothing against me. He had also gotten by birthday wrong after I had already texted to him so he said for some reason I thought you said the 18th. He said that he didn’t hear from me either and maybe he’s still not in the same place mentally as I am so he understands what I’m saying. I was really turned off after that text exchange. I shouldn’t be confused as to where I stand with someone after 3 months of dating. I value myself more than that. I have standards and boundaries. I refuse to let anyone treat me like an option. I deserve to be a priority. I can understand taking things slow but this is just crazy slow plus the evasiveness never sat right with me. Also the no calls and only texts. Just a lot of things that didn’t add up. He is a big source of my anxiety and it shouldn’t be that way. I need a partner that makes me feel safe and secure. I’m taking a break from dating and I’m currently looking for therapists. Glad I am finally discovering my self-worth and what I will and won't put up with. Maybe this resonates with someone.

Submitted January 20, 2020 at 11:54PM

So I have been dating this guy since November. We started talking through Bumble in September. He has been divorced for about 6-7 years now and has 5 children ages 8-19. I didn't find out about the kids until I had been speaking to him for about a month. I am a child free person however I was willing to give it a chance with him. I even stated that I didn't want to meet the kids until at least 6 months down the line or when we felt comfortable with introducing us. We started going out on dates and we both really liked each other. However, I noticed that there were some strange things about him. He claimed that he had his kids on weekends so I could never see him Friday-Sunday. When I saw him on weekdays, it was very scheduled like he could see me Monday from 3-5 or Tuesday night and he would get to my house around 5:30 but be gone by 9:00. I offered to come to his house once a week since my schedule is more flexible and I didn’t mind going once a week. He was very evasive about his life. Never offering details about anything. I had to ask a lot of direct questions to get answers from him. I asked him about his divorce and it was ugly. He put all the blame on the ex-wife. She basically cheated on him. I asked him if they had been having any problems before that or if he had seen any signs that something wasn’t right and he said no. Fast forward, I told him last week that I needed more communication from him and I needed to see him more than once a week for 2-3 hours if we are trying to work towards a relationship. How can I get to know him if I never see him? Also, all communication was through text. No calls or video chats. If I can’t see him, the least we can do is talk on the phone a few times a week. I respect his relationship with his children and I never complained if he had last minute changes to his schedule. However I felt like I wasn’t a priority and more like an option. I saw him last Tuesday and we had a great time. However, I hadn't heard from him the past 5 days. I text him yesterday to say hey I’m feeling a little confused. I thought we had a great time on Tuesday and I haven’t heard from you since then. Do you not want to see me anymore? If that’s the case then please just say that and we can both move on. I feel like you don’t communicate very well and it confuses me all the time. His response was that he was busy and it was nothing against me. He had also gotten by birthday wrong after I had already texted to him so he said for some reason I thought you said the 18th. He said that he didn’t hear from me either and maybe he’s still not in the same place mentally as I am so he understands what I’m saying. I was really turned off after that text exchange. I shouldn’t be confused as to where I stand with someone after 3 months of dating. I value myself more than that. I have standards and boundaries. I refuse to let anyone treat me like an option. I deserve to be a priority. I can understand taking things slow but this is just crazy slow plus the evasiveness never sat right with me. Also the no calls and only texts. Just a lot of things that didn’t add up. He is a big source of my anxiety and it shouldn’t be that way. I need a partner that makes me feel safe and secure. I’m taking a break from dating and I’m currently looking for therapists. Glad I am finally discovering my self-worth and what I will and won't put up with. Maybe this resonates with someone.