Sharing a bed in parents home

I (21f) live with my parents (50s). I work full time and pay rent. I've had one previous serious relationship, and currently I am 2 months into dating someone new. My ex was always allowed to sleep in my bed, although I waited longer to invite him to stay over.

One of the only things I disagree on with my (usually very liberal) mom is sex and relationships. She hasn't been single since the late 70s, and I think she's very out of touch with modern dating. I remember she was shocked when I slept with my ex after a perfectly average number of dates, by modern standards.

So, I mentioned that I was staying over at my new SO's place the other week, and she assumed I was staying in the spare room. I'm usually very open with my parents but... I didn't correct her. Ironically, I'm shy and haven't actually slept with my new guy yet- we just cuddled- but I didn't want to cause the drama that would inevitably come from admitting I slept in his bed.

Now, the issue. My parents haven't met my new SO yet but, in a couple of weeks, he'll be staying over, after a concert we're both attending. I'm looking forward to them meeting him. The only issue is... the sleeping arrangements. I think he should be allowed to sleep in my room, but I think mom might automatically place him in the spare room, on the grounds that we haven't been together very long. Given we are two consenting adults, and my ex was allowed to sleep in my room, I think this is unfair. What I'm looking for, is advice on how to have this conversation sensibly. Ideally, I'd explain that nothing inappropriate will even happen under her roof, given it hasn't happened full stop yet. I just don't know how to open this dialogue sensibly, given it's a VERY sensitive topic for her. In my mind, I'm a consenting adult, so is he, and I'm old enough to make my own choices. The only thing is, I can't use my sleeping arrangements at his house as leverage, since I let mom think I slept in the spare room. (I think part of the reason my ex always slept in my bed without question was that I'd already slept in his bed by the time he stayed over).

The other issue I have, as an alternative- how best to explain this to my SO (24 M)? His family are very relaxed about this stuff, and I don't want to make him think my family will always be super strict. I don't know how to explain to him that mom has it in her head that I shouldn't share a bed with him yet, and that I don't even know when she'll allow that, given her seeming hatred of discussing sex and relationships. However, I also want to assure him that things won't be awkward forever, given I've previously had a boyfriend stay in my room.

I should add that I will ultimately respect my mom's wishes, and my SO can sleep in my spare room if she won't budge, but I don't even know how to open the conversation.

TLDR- Mom may well try to put my (21F) new SO (24 M) in the spare room.

Submitted January 22, 2020 at 12:25AM

I (21f) live with my parents (50s). I work full time and pay rent. I've had one previous serious relationship, and currently I am 2 months into dating someone new. My ex was always allowed to sleep in my bed, although I waited longer to invite him to stay over.One of the only things I disagree on with my (usually very liberal) mom is sex and relationships. She hasn't been single since the late 70s, and I think she's very out of touch with modern dating. I remember she was shocked when I slept with my ex after a perfectly average number of dates, by modern standards.So, I mentioned that I was staying over at my new SO's place the other week, and she assumed I was staying in the spare room. I'm usually very open with my parents but... I didn't correct her. Ironically, I'm shy and haven't actually slept with my new guy yet- we just cuddled- but I didn't want to cause the drama that would inevitably come from admitting I slept in his bed.Now, the issue. My parents haven't met my new SO yet but, in a couple of weeks, he'll be staying over, after a concert we're both attending. I'm looking forward to them meeting him. The only issue is... the sleeping arrangements. I think he should be allowed to sleep in my room, but I think mom might automatically place him in the spare room, on the grounds that we haven't been together very long. Given we are two consenting adults, and my ex was allowed to sleep in my room, I think this is unfair. What I'm looking for, is advice on how to have this conversation sensibly. Ideally, I'd explain that nothing inappropriate will even happen under her roof, given it hasn't happened full stop yet. I just don't know how to open this dialogue sensibly, given it's a VERY sensitive topic for her. In my mind, I'm a consenting adult, so is he, and I'm old enough to make my own choices. The only thing is, I can't use my sleeping arrangements at his house as leverage, since I let mom think I slept in the spare room. (I think part of the reason my ex always slept in my bed without question was that I'd already slept in his bed by the time he stayed over).The other issue I have, as an alternative- how best to explain this to my SO (24 M)? His family are very relaxed about this stuff, and I don't want to make him think my family will always be super strict. I don't know how to explain to him that mom has it in her head that I shouldn't share a bed with him yet, and that I don't even know when she'll allow that, given her seeming hatred of discussing sex and relationships. However, I also want to assure him that things won't be awkward forever, given I've previously had a boyfriend stay in my room.I should add that I will ultimately respect my mom's wishes, and my SO can sleep in my spare room if she won't budge, but I don't even know how to open the conversation.TLDR- Mom may well try to put my (21F) new SO (24 M) in the spare room.