I'm [22F] getting increasingly frustrated at my boyfriend's [28M] nonchalant attitude about safety in our dangerous neighborhood and I don't know how to deal with it.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I live in a dangerous neighborhood (like, a few muggings and breakins a day kind of dangerous) and I ask him to take basic precautions like not leaving his phone or other expensive devices in the front seat of his car, or not walking our dog in the park near our house at night because dangerous incidents have taken place there. I grew up in a dangerous city, and have lived in several dangerous neighborhoods, so I've seen this sort of stuff happen. He grew up in a safe neighborhood, and thereby thinks that everyone is actually exaggerating how dangerous the world actually is, and actually gets very annoyed with me for asking him to be more careful as if I'm pushing some kind of agenda. I don't know how to deal with this.

I grew up in a city with one of the highest homocide rates in the USA (New Orleans, Louisiana), and have lived in some dangerous neighborhoods and living situations. My boyfriend grew up in a mostly safe little suburb in the outskirts of Atlanta, GA. The two of us live somewhat close to the inner-city, and the city has began to slowly creep into our neighborhood. We hear gunshots almost every night, have had not one, but TWO drive-by's in front of our house, I've had my moped stolen, and he's had tools stolen out of his work truck (he's a foreman). Suffice to say, we're working on moving out of this neighborhood since I finally got my first post-graduation job and we have more money to work with, but my boyfriend's lack of investment towards safety is just frustrating considering where we live.

For example, I was taught growing up that you should NEVER leave anything of even moderate value on your dashboard or in the seats of your car. Plenty of people creep around parking lots peeping into car windows to see if there's anything worthwhile inside to steal. My SO will regularly leave his phone on the dash of his car, or on the front seat, and has even left his Nintendo Switch out this way once. I'm constantly getting on him about it, and he's always saying something like, "What's REALLY the statistics on something like that happening?" He'll leave his $50-80 vape kit on our side-porch overnight. He'll walk our dog far from our house at night. I've warned him about this time and time again, and his attitude is always, "I really think you're worried about nothing."

Anyway, last night, something like 10 cop cars, 2 firetrucks, and an ambulance showed up at the entrance to the park next to our house. And by next to our house, I do mean something like 300 yards from our house. I had no clue what was going on, but on Nextdoor (something like a neighborhood watch app), people regularly report things like people being mugged/shot at gunpoint, car breakins, etc. I knew it really could have been anything. When I told my boyfriend this morning, he seemed understandably shaken, saying, "Damn, I won't be walking Eevee over there at night anymore..." Lo and behold, night comes, and he's about to walk her down to the park, as he claims he couldn't get her to go to the bathroom in our yard. I have always managed to do this -- I just pace her back and forth around the 20 yards and she eventually understands that we're not going to the park, and she goes. He fought me and fought me on this, even though literally last night, the most amount of police cars I have ever seen in my life were at that park. Parks are known as shady places anyway where muggings and drug dealings happen. I feel like any time any concrete evidence of there actually being danger occurs, he waves it off because he "feels like" nothing bad will happen. Because he's had an ideal life where nothing bad has ever happened to him, he'll completely ignore history and facts and recommendations of actual police officers and assume that if he says "Everything will be okay" that it'll be okay. He claims that those crimes "Couldn't have been random", (as in, the muggings, the attacks, the shootings, the break-ins, etc.) and that since he's not associated with any dangerous people, he can't possibly be targeted or attacked.

I've tried conveying my point to him that I'm not only terrified for him and our dog, but that if something bad does happen to him, I'll have to deal with the fact that this was a totally preventable incident. That if we'd have taken account of the most basic fact that a serious crime happened next door just last night, and that maybe we shouldn't walk our dog in that park anymore at night, then things could be prevented. I mean, imagine the conversation with a cop if his car windows were broken and his phone stolen. "What...? You left your $300 phone on the seat in plain sight, and are surprised someone stole it? Are you serious?" He tried making a comparison of driving and getting into a car accident. "Well, should I not drive my car anymore because accidents happen around the city?" I told him that that was comparing apples and oranges, because you SHOULDN'T drive your car on the road that has 60 accidents a day compared to the road that has 3. We live in a neighborhood that has gotten progressively more dangerous each year, and he knows this. I've asked him to at least entertain how I'll feel if I lose him, or his family will feel. He's refused to acknowledge that it's even possible that someone will do anything to him. Earlier, he promised to walk our dog in front of our house but made it VERY clear he was only doing it to get me to chill out, not because he actually thought there was a point to doing so.

I was so frustrated that I just told him I don't care anymore. That I care about his safety, but that I'm tired of arguing with someone over common sense. It's especially insulting because he acts like I'm being an overly-emotional about these things and actually gets annoyed with me when I'm literally doing this to keep him from having bulletholes in him. Part of me suspects he's doing this because he has some weird complex about control and having people "tell him what to do", because he gets really touchy at times when you advise him to do one thing, and he'll seemingly do the opposite just to spite you. I don't know how to reach him on this, or what to do.

Submitted January 16, 2020 at 12:16AM

TLDR: My boyfriend and I live in a dangerous neighborhood (like, a few muggings and breakins a day kind of dangerous) and I ask him to take basic precautions like not leaving his phone or other expensive devices in the front seat of his car, or not walking our dog in the park near our house at night because dangerous incidents have taken place there. I grew up in a dangerous city, and have lived in several dangerous neighborhoods, so I've seen this sort of stuff happen. He grew up in a safe neighborhood, and thereby thinks that everyone is actually exaggerating how dangerous the world actually is, and actually gets very annoyed with me for asking him to be more careful as if I'm pushing some kind of agenda. I don't know how to deal with this.I grew up in a city with one of the highest homocide rates in the USA (New Orleans, Louisiana), and have lived in some dangerous neighborhoods and living situations. My boyfriend grew up in a mostly safe little suburb in the outskirts of Atlanta, GA. The two of us live somewhat close to the inner-city, and the city has began to slowly creep into our neighborhood. We hear gunshots almost every night, have had not one, but TWO drive-by's in front of our house, I've had my moped stolen, and he's had tools stolen out of his work truck (he's a foreman). Suffice to say, we're working on moving out of this neighborhood since I finally got my first post-graduation job and we have more money to work with, but my boyfriend's lack of investment towards safety is just frustrating considering where we live.For example, I was taught growing up that you should NEVER leave anything of even moderate value on your dashboard or in the seats of your car. Plenty of people creep around parking lots peeping into car windows to see if there's anything worthwhile inside to steal. My SO will regularly leave his phone on the dash of his car, or on the front seat, and has even left his Nintendo Switch out this way once. I'm constantly getting on him about it, and he's always saying something like, "What's REALLY the statistics on something like that happening?" He'll leave his $50-80 vape kit on our side-porch overnight. He'll walk our dog far from our house at night. I've warned him about this time and time again, and his attitude is always, "I really think you're worried about nothing."Anyway, last night, something like 10 cop cars, 2 firetrucks, and an ambulance showed up at the entrance to the park next to our house. And by next to our house, I do mean something like 300 yards from our house. I had no clue what was going on, but on Nextdoor (something like a neighborhood watch app), people regularly report things like people being mugged/shot at gunpoint, car breakins, etc. I knew it really could have been anything. When I told my boyfriend this morning, he seemed understandably shaken, saying, "Damn, I won't be walking Eevee over there at night anymore..." Lo and behold, night comes, and he's about to walk her down to the park, as he claims he couldn't get her to go to the bathroom in our yard. I have always managed to do this -- I just pace her back and forth around the 20 yards and she eventually understands that we're not going to the park, and she goes. He fought me and fought me on this, even though literally last night, the most amount of police cars I have ever seen in my life were at that park. Parks are known as shady places anyway where muggings and drug dealings happen. I feel like any time any concrete evidence of there actually being danger occurs, he waves it off because he "feels like" nothing bad will happen. Because he's had an ideal life where nothing bad has ever happened to him, he'll completely ignore history and facts and recommendations of actual police officers and assume that if he says "Everything will be okay" that it'll be okay. He claims that those crimes "Couldn't have been random", (as in, the muggings, the attacks, the shootings, the break-ins, etc.) and that since he's not associated with any dangerous people, he can't possibly be targeted or attacked.I've tried conveying my point to him that I'm not only terrified for him and our dog, but that if something bad does happen to him, I'll have to deal with the fact that this was a totally preventable incident. That if we'd have taken account of the most basic fact that a serious crime happened next door just last night, and that maybe we shouldn't walk our dog in that park anymore at night, then things could be prevented. I mean, imagine the conversation with a cop if his car windows were broken and his phone stolen. "What...? You left your $300 phone on the seat in plain sight, and are surprised someone stole it? Are you serious?" He tried making a comparison of driving and getting into a car accident. "Well, should I not drive my car anymore because accidents happen around the city?" I told him that that was comparing apples and oranges, because you SHOULDN'T drive your car on the road that has 60 accidents a day compared to the road that has 3. We live in a neighborhood that has gotten progressively more dangerous each year, and he knows this. I've asked him to at least entertain how I'll feel if I lose him, or his family will feel. He's refused to acknowledge that it's even possible that someone will do anything to him. Earlier, he promised to walk our dog in front of our house but made it VERY clear he was only doing it to get me to chill out, not because he actually thought there was a point to doing so.I was so frustrated that I just told him I don't care anymore. That I care about his safety, but that I'm tired of arguing with someone over common sense. It's especially insulting because he acts like I'm being an overly-emotional about these things and actually gets annoyed with me when I'm literally doing this to keep him from having bulletholes in him. Part of me suspects he's doing this because he has some weird complex about control and having people "tell him what to do", because he gets really touchy at times when you advise him to do one thing, and he'll seemingly do the opposite just to spite you. I don't know how to reach him on this, or what to do.