How to come together when we are dealing with everything differently?

So my husband and I have had a pretty crappy 3 years. In 2017 he was diagnosed with cancer and treated, thankfully he was put into remission in Jan 2018. In April 2018 we found out he was sterile and we would need IVF if we ever wanted biological kids. We got married in August (it was a great day, second only to the day he was put into remission). We started IVF in September 2018. I got pregnant in May 2019 with identical twins. I miscarried the twins in August, we found out 3 days after our 1 year anniversary. Had a chemical pregnancy the month after that. Then we did another round of IVF with not so great results and a failed transfer.

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Anyways, all of this takes a toll on us as a couple but also individually. My husband jumped into work. He just got a new job, which he loves, but requires him to travel a lot and he volunteers to travel more. His reasoning is that the only thing he can do to help us have a child is to work to afford it, and traveling gives overtime pay. I became more and more depressed and stressed, the miscarriage was the straw that broke the camels back and I have finally started getting help. I also have jumped head first into treatment looking up everything and asking our doctors about any little thing. But I feel like we are just growing apart. We do talk about these things sometimes but it always feels strained and awkward and like neither of us really get what we need from it. This coupled with him being gone all the time is just hard but I'm not sure what we can do. I love my husband and I know he loves me and I don't WANT us to grow apart, I can just tell its starting to happen.



Submitted January 14, 2020 at 12:08AM

So my husband and I have had a pretty crappy 3 years. In 2017 he was diagnosed with cancer and treated, thankfully he was put into remission in Jan 2018. In April 2018 we found out he was sterile and we would need IVF if we ever wanted biological kids. We got married in August (it was a great day, second only to the day he was put into remission). We started IVF in September 2018. I got pregnant in May 2019 with identical twins. I miscarried the twins in August, we found out 3 days after our 1 year anniversary. Had a chemical pregnancy the month after that. Then we did another round of IVF with not so great results and a failed transfer.​Anyways, all of this takes a toll on us as a couple but also individually. My husband jumped into work. He just got a new job, which he loves, but requires him to travel a lot and he volunteers to travel more. His reasoning is that the only thing he can do to help us have a child is to work to afford it, and traveling gives overtime pay. I became more and more depressed and stressed, the miscarriage was the straw that broke the camels back and I have finally started getting help. I also have jumped head first into treatment looking up everything and asking our doctors about any little thing. But I feel like we are just growing apart. We do talk about these things sometimes but it always feels strained and awkward and like neither of us really get what we need from it. This coupled with him being gone all the time is just hard but I'm not sure what we can do. I love my husband and I know he loves me and I don't WANT us to grow apart, I can just tell its starting to happen.
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