Am I (26F) too emotional for online dating?

Okay guys, I need advice, because this same shit keeps happening to me and I'm gonna lose my mind. Bare with me here people...

I'm an extreme empath at my core, I feel everything on a ridiculously deep level. Here's an example and the basis of my dilemma...

I started using the dating app Plenty of Fish and let me tell you it was a fucking nightmare. Within the first 30 minutes of having a profile I had over 50 messages in my inbox and they just kept coming. I'm not trying to be cocky or boastful here, but I'm a decent looking chick, I'm photogenic I guess, and I'd like to think I'm a catch, but this app was honestly horrendous. I'd say about 80% of the messages I received were just "hey" "hi" "what's up" or some kind of shallow compliment about my appearance. Another 15% of the message were from vulgar men, saying vulgar things... Gross (why do dudes do that shit. Fucking nasty...) Then we come to final 5% of the messages and one of them was from the man who inspired me to create this post... We'll call him Joe.

Joe sent me an amazing opening message, asking me about art and life and music and all things I love, so I of course struck up a conversation. We talked and connected on a level I've never experienced on a dating app before. He was kind and attentive and seemingly genuine. We continued to chat and flirt and make plans to get together and I could already feel myself falling for him within the first day. He was everything I was looking for and more. I felt lucky and grateful to have found him on such a garbage app and he told me the same. This sweet flirty bliss went on for about 10 days, texting and snap chatting daily, trying to figure out our work schedules so we could meet up (since they're pretty much opposite of each other it was tough to find a time for us to meet). And if you're wondering I was so convinced Joe could be right for me that I deleted the Plenty of Fish app immediately after he asked for my number (that place is toxic as hell anyways so good riddance)

Everything seemed lovely and I was so so hopeful that he could be an amazing match for me. He was the first guy in months to give me any sense of hope for something real. Until a few days ago. Suddenly his messages were short, uninterested, and it was taking him longer and longer to reply. Obviously people get busy, and life happens but it was starting to bother me that he was leaving me on "read" and not responding all day. So I sent him a message asking what was up... If he was even interested in meeting me. To sum it up his response was "I don't have time for you or a relationship right now, sorry."

I am absolutely fucking crushed.... I didn't even meet this man in real life and he has brought me to tears. Full on ugly crying, wanting to rip my skin off, crawl in bed, eat ice cream and watch sad movies all night kind of sad.

Here is what I'm asking... I obviously have issues with getting too emotionally invested too quickly so what in the hell do I do?? How do I attempt to find my person out there when I can let a man I didn't even meet destroy my sense of self worth and confidence in one simple text message...? How do I keep my overly emotional self in check?? Am i too emotional to use dating apps at all? And if the answer is yes then how in this day and age do I find my person?? I'm so lost and so distressed and I just don't know what to do with myself. I know I probably seem a little crazy to many of you but I'd appreciate some construction criticism or maybe I'm not alone and some of you are feeling the same as me? Any advice from Reddit Land for this sad girl? Much appreciated people 🖤



Submitted January 14, 2020 at 12:15AM

Okay guys, I need advice, because this same shit keeps happening to me and I'm gonna lose my mind. Bare with me here people...I'm an extreme empath at my core, I feel everything on a ridiculously deep level. Here's an example and the basis of my dilemma...I started using the dating app Plenty of Fish and let me tell you it was a fucking nightmare. Within the first 30 minutes of having a profile I had over 50 messages in my inbox and they just kept coming. I'm not trying to be cocky or boastful here, but I'm a decent looking chick, I'm photogenic I guess, and I'd like to think I'm a catch, but this app was honestly horrendous. I'd say about 80% of the messages I received were just "hey" "hi" "what's up" or some kind of shallow compliment about my appearance. Another 15% of the message were from vulgar men, saying vulgar things... Gross (why do dudes do that shit. Fucking nasty...) Then we come to final 5% of the messages and one of them was from the man who inspired me to create this post... We'll call him Joe.Joe sent me an amazing opening message, asking me about art and life and music and all things I love, so I of course struck up a conversation. We talked and connected on a level I've never experienced on a dating app before. He was kind and attentive and seemingly genuine. We continued to chat and flirt and make plans to get together and I could already feel myself falling for him within the first day. He was everything I was looking for and more. I felt lucky and grateful to have found him on such a garbage app and he told me the same. This sweet flirty bliss went on for about 10 days, texting and snap chatting daily, trying to figure out our work schedules so we could meet up (since they're pretty much opposite of each other it was tough to find a time for us to meet). And if you're wondering I was so convinced Joe could be right for me that I deleted the Plenty of Fish app immediately after he asked for my number (that place is toxic as hell anyways so good riddance)Everything seemed lovely and I was so so hopeful that he could be an amazing match for me. He was the first guy in months to give me any sense of hope for something real. Until a few days ago. Suddenly his messages were short, uninterested, and it was taking him longer and longer to reply. Obviously people get busy, and life happens but it was starting to bother me that he was leaving me on "read" and not responding all day. So I sent him a message asking what was up... If he was even interested in meeting me. To sum it up his response was "I don't have time for you or a relationship right now, sorry."I am absolutely fucking crushed.... I didn't even meet this man in real life and he has brought me to tears. Full on ugly crying, wanting to rip my skin off, crawl in bed, eat ice cream and watch sad movies all night kind of sad.Here is what I'm asking... I obviously have issues with getting too emotionally invested too quickly so what in the hell do I do?? How do I attempt to find my person out there when I can let a man I didn't even meet destroy my sense of self worth and confidence in one simple text message...? How do I keep my overly emotional self in check?? Am i too emotional to use dating apps at all? And if the answer is yes then how in this day and age do I find my person?? I'm so lost and so distressed and I just don't know what to do with myself. I know I probably seem a little crazy to many of you but I'd appreciate some construction criticism or maybe I'm not alone and some of you are feeling the same as me? Any advice from Reddit Land for this sad girl? Much appreciated people 🖤
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