Bestie Is Using Me For Taxes

Okay. So basically, it's a little complicated. 3.5 years ago I (22 F) met my best friend (22 M) at college. We met during my last semester in student government. I was the student treasurer and he was the student vice president. We were both 3.9/4 GPA students, took our student positions seriously. Outside of that we had differences but that made things interesting and our personalities just clicked. Within weeks of meeting we were hanging out at work and would plan at least 1 or two fun things to do a week together.

After the semester when I graduated we both knew we wanted to go to the same school and we were planning on moving in together. But about a month latter his boyfriend of only two months told him he either had to move across the country with him or they would breakup. My bestie decided to move. I was devastated but I tried to not let him know that and just support him. I didn't like his boyfriend, but several conversations showed he wasnt going to give up so I gave my support. Obviously, the dynamic changed a lot after graduation and him moving across the country. We would call each other a couple times a month and post throwback photos of each other... And occasionally Instagram DM. I flew out for my birthday and we spent 2 weeks together and it was like old times.

So fast forward to this March, I sent him an engagement party invite (with my bf for 3 years, best friends for 5 years prior) and a week latter his boyfriend told him they were done and he had a month to move out. He was obviously broken hearted and with where my relationship is at felt a lot of pain confiding in me. But he did, we talked a ton. I told him I would come out to him if I only had the money for a ticket... And so he bought a ticket. This was super spontaneous for me. But I flew across the country and we did a week long trip back to my, and his old, home town. He stayed at my studio apartment for 5 weeks while he found a place to live and settled back in.

Now, we hangout about once a week. But they are dinner dates almost always and the whole dynamic of our relationship feels very weird. A lot of friends/people call me "the mom friend". I tend to be a lot more responsible then my peers and just generally am considered by them a "proper adult". This usually means I end up picking up bills and people pay me back, I'm trusted to DD as I don't drink, and I tend to get asked for calendar invites as people know events are already on my calendar.

With my best friend though this has become something more and it feels like we now do nothing actually fun. When we meet he asks my for college application advice, budgeting, planning, etc. This has always been topics for discussion but now they feel like everything.

The kicker and why I'm here is... This past week we made dinner plans and I texted the day before just to check we were still on (he can be flighty sometimes). He didn't answer at all. Or to the text a couple hours before we were supposed to hangout asking if he was okay. He didn't answer and didn't show up. I was crushed. My fiance was rather upset and said I need to talk to my bestie about all this as I'm feeling rather used. What really crushed me though was that my bestie didn't respond until two days latter. He didn't say sorry or address completly ghosting. But he sent about 3 long paragraphs asking questions about how to do his taxes. He goes out and parties with other people every week. He goes to concerts. He still calls me his bestie to my face and on social media. But it's like he forgets I like doing things other then just chores/adulting.

I haven't answered and I am just hurt and feel like talking to him, but I don't know what to say and I don't want to hurt him what with all the changes he's gone through this past year. Please, how do I talk to him about all this? How do I tell him I don't want to be there just to help, but I want to do fun things and just hangout sometimes?

Tl;dr: My (22F) best friend (22M) of 3 years used to be hangout with me and we would have fun. Now all our activities revolve around either my acting as an unpaid therapist, financial advisor or accountant. He has gone through a serious breakup and moved across the country this year so it feels awkward. But I really need advice on how to talk to him about this as I want to have the fun parts of friendship back. I miss him.

Submitted January 27, 2020 at 11:57PM

Okay. So basically, it's a little complicated. 3.5 years ago I (22 F) met my best friend (22 M) at college. We met during my last semester in student government. I was the student treasurer and he was the student vice president. We were both 3.9/4 GPA students, took our student positions seriously. Outside of that we had differences but that made things interesting and our personalities just clicked. Within weeks of meeting we were hanging out at work and would plan at least 1 or two fun things to do a week together.After the semester when I graduated we both knew we wanted to go to the same school and we were planning on moving in together. But about a month latter his boyfriend of only two months told him he either had to move across the country with him or they would breakup. My bestie decided to move. I was devastated but I tried to not let him know that and just support him. I didn't like his boyfriend, but several conversations showed he wasnt going to give up so I gave my support. Obviously, the dynamic changed a lot after graduation and him moving across the country. We would call each other a couple times a month and post throwback photos of each other... And occasionally Instagram DM. I flew out for my birthday and we spent 2 weeks together and it was like old times.So fast forward to this March, I sent him an engagement party invite (with my bf for 3 years, best friends for 5 years prior) and a week latter his boyfriend told him they were done and he had a month to move out. He was obviously broken hearted and with where my relationship is at felt a lot of pain confiding in me. But he did, we talked a ton. I told him I would come out to him if I only had the money for a ticket... And so he bought a ticket. This was super spontaneous for me. But I flew across the country and we did a week long trip back to my, and his old, home town. He stayed at my studio apartment for 5 weeks while he found a place to live and settled back in.Now, we hangout about once a week. But they are dinner dates almost always and the whole dynamic of our relationship feels very weird. A lot of friends/people call me "the mom friend". I tend to be a lot more responsible then my peers and just generally am considered by them a "proper adult". This usually means I end up picking up bills and people pay me back, I'm trusted to DD as I don't drink, and I tend to get asked for calendar invites as people know events are already on my calendar.With my best friend though this has become something more and it feels like we now do nothing actually fun. When we meet he asks my for college application advice, budgeting, planning, etc. This has always been topics for discussion but now they feel like everything.The kicker and why I'm here is... This past week we made dinner plans and I texted the day before just to check we were still on (he can be flighty sometimes). He didn't answer at all. Or to the text a couple hours before we were supposed to hangout asking if he was okay. He didn't answer and didn't show up. I was crushed. My fiance was rather upset and said I need to talk to my bestie about all this as I'm feeling rather used. What really crushed me though was that my bestie didn't respond until two days latter. He didn't say sorry or address completly ghosting. But he sent about 3 long paragraphs asking questions about how to do his taxes. He goes out and parties with other people every week. He goes to concerts. He still calls me his bestie to my face and on social media. But it's like he forgets I like doing things other then just chores/adulting.I haven't answered and I am just hurt and feel like talking to him, but I don't know what to say and I don't want to hurt him what with all the changes he's gone through this past year. Please, how do I talk to him about all this? How do I tell him I don't want to be there just to help, but I want to do fun things and just hangout sometimes?Tl;dr: My (22F) best friend (22M) of 3 years used to be hangout with me and we would have fun. Now all our activities revolve around either my acting as an unpaid therapist, financial advisor or accountant. He has gone through a serious breakup and moved across the country this year so it feels awkward. But I really need advice on how to talk to him about this as I want to have the fun parts of friendship back. I miss him.