There’s nothing wrong with my relationship but somethings not right. What do I do???

I’ve (25F) been dating my boyfriend (28M) for just over a year now and I can’t get out of my head. He’s a great guy, really considerate and we’ve never argued (I’ve dated some real winners in the past), but I can’t shake this weird feeling I have about the relationship. We started dating basically by accident, he was a friend of a close friend and there were some things I didn’t love about his lifestyle or like the vibe I guess, and on paper he’s not great but I ignored it because he’s a nice guy and friends, ya know? But a year later I love him so much, I just still have trouble picturing endgame with him when he’ll talk about the future. I don’t know if it’s because sometimes it feels like he doesn’t want to spend time with me, because he doesn’t have his life all the way together (but neither do I), because our sex life is kinda boring, because we don’t have a ton in common or because I’m getting older and looking for problems. I have some serious self esteem issues that I’ve never dealt with. But sometimes I wonder if he’s only with me because he likes having a girlfriend or because I’m a little more put together than he is, so I’m more reliable for the future. And sometimes I wonder if I’m with him because I’m afraid I won’t find someone as good to me as he is. I know people might say just talk to him but how do you bring this up without basically ruining the relationship?? He gets really anxious when he thinks I’m mad at him (which I never really am) and I don’t want to hurt him or make him anxious unnecessarily. Am I sabotaging my own relationship? I’m happy when I’m with him and I do love him but I can’t turn my brain off. Please help!

TL;DR - My relationship is good and there are no major issues I’m just having some trouble picturing this relationship being endgame.



Submitted December 26, 2019 at 11:57PM

I’ve (25F) been dating my boyfriend (28M) for just over a year now and I can’t get out of my head. He’s a great guy, really considerate and we’ve never argued (I’ve dated some real winners in the past), but I can’t shake this weird feeling I have about the relationship. We started dating basically by accident, he was a friend of a close friend and there were some things I didn’t love about his lifestyle or like the vibe I guess, and on paper he’s not great but I ignored it because he’s a nice guy and friends, ya know? But a year later I love him so much, I just still have trouble picturing endgame with him when he’ll talk about the future. I don’t know if it’s because sometimes it feels like he doesn’t want to spend time with me, because he doesn’t have his life all the way together (but neither do I), because our sex life is kinda boring, because we don’t have a ton in common or because I’m getting older and looking for problems. I have some serious self esteem issues that I’ve never dealt with. But sometimes I wonder if he’s only with me because he likes having a girlfriend or because I’m a little more put together than he is, so I’m more reliable for the future. And sometimes I wonder if I’m with him because I’m afraid I won’t find someone as good to me as he is. I know people might say just talk to him but how do you bring this up without basically ruining the relationship?? He gets really anxious when he thinks I’m mad at him (which I never really am) and I don’t want to hurt him or make him anxious unnecessarily. Am I sabotaging my own relationship? I’m happy when I’m with him and I do love him but I can’t turn my brain off. Please help!TL;DR - My relationship is good and there are no major issues I’m just having some trouble picturing this relationship being endgame.
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