Am I (21F) over-reacting by not wanting my mother (43F) in my life?

Throwaway account as some of those close to me know my usual account. Also apologies for formatting as I’m on my mobile.

Growing up I’ve (21F) never been close to my mother (43F), let’s call her ‘B’. She always used to pawn me off on my grandmother (67F), who we’ll call ‘W’. B would much prefer to be with her friends and acting as if she didn’t have a child. So in my eyes, W was the only permanent mother figure in my life. B was in a relationship with my father (49M) until I was 7, but then they separated. I continued to have a close relationship with my father afterwards which B tried to sabotage multiple times, but to no avail.

B is an extremely selfish person and as long as she gets what she wants, she doesn’t care what happens to anyone else. She had a baby girl 7 years ago with her current partner. But just like with me she would pawn her off on W. B would keep my sister up until 1am as a child just so she could sleep-in the following morning and W would look after my sister for the morning. I called B out on the toll this was having on W and it resulted in an argument where she pinned me against the wall by my throat twice. I was only 16 at the time. That was the day I walked out on B. And I’ve never looked back. B says I made all this up and it never happened. B and W also had a falling out after this.

Growing up B would also ask me to perform songs I was learning in school and on the tin whistle. Then when I was done she’d laugh in my face and tell me how rubbish I am and how I should give up. That she doesn’t know how I’ve the nerve to perform them in school and should save myself from embarrassment. She would also emotionally abuse me in other ways where I spent some of my nights growing up crying myself to sleep. B denies all emotional and physical abuse and says I was an attention seeking teenager.

Recently, W and B have come into contact again. And W keeps pressuring me to meet up with B and have her back in my life as ‘she’s my mother’. I’ve point blank refused. I don’t want my abuser in my life, which W cannot understand. As far as she’s concerned B is my mother and I should have a relationship with her. My father completely agrees with me. But am I over-reacting here, Reddit? The years of emotional and physical abuse at the hands of B are just too much for me to go back and forgive her.

So Reddit, am I over-reacting by not wanting B back in my life? We’ve had no contact since I walked out.

TL;DR- my (21F) mother (43F) emotionally and physically abused me for years and I walked out on her 5 years ago. She denies all abuse and says I made it up for attention. But my grandmother (67F) has recently gotten back into contact with my mother and wants us to have a relationship which I’m point blank refusing. Am I over-reacting?

Submitted December 27, 2019 at 12:12AM

Throwaway account as some of those close to me know my usual account. Also apologies for formatting as I’m on my mobile.Growing up I’ve (21F) never been close to my mother (43F), let’s call her ‘B’. She always used to pawn me off on my grandmother (67F), who we’ll call ‘W’. B would much prefer to be with her friends and acting as if she didn’t have a child. So in my eyes, W was the only permanent mother figure in my life. B was in a relationship with my father (49M) until I was 7, but then they separated. I continued to have a close relationship with my father afterwards which B tried to sabotage multiple times, but to no avail.B is an extremely selfish person and as long as she gets what she wants, she doesn’t care what happens to anyone else. She had a baby girl 7 years ago with her current partner. But just like with me she would pawn her off on W. B would keep my sister up until 1am as a child just so she could sleep-in the following morning and W would look after my sister for the morning. I called B out on the toll this was having on W and it resulted in an argument where she pinned me against the wall by my throat twice. I was only 16 at the time. That was the day I walked out on B. And I’ve never looked back. B says I made all this up and it never happened. B and W also had a falling out after this.Growing up B would also ask me to perform songs I was learning in school and on the tin whistle. Then when I was done she’d laugh in my face and tell me how rubbish I am and how I should give up. That she doesn’t know how I’ve the nerve to perform them in school and should save myself from embarrassment. She would also emotionally abuse me in other ways where I spent some of my nights growing up crying myself to sleep. B denies all emotional and physical abuse and says I was an attention seeking teenager.Recently, W and B have come into contact again. And W keeps pressuring me to meet up with B and have her back in my life as ‘she’s my mother’. I’ve point blank refused. I don’t want my abuser in my life, which W cannot understand. As far as she’s concerned B is my mother and I should have a relationship with her. My father completely agrees with me. But am I over-reacting here, Reddit? The years of emotional and physical abuse at the hands of B are just too much for me to go back and forgive her.So Reddit, am I over-reacting by not wanting B back in my life? We’ve had no contact since I walked out.TL;DR- my (21F) mother (43F) emotionally and physically abused me for years and I walked out on her 5 years ago. She denies all abuse and says I made it up for attention. But my grandmother (67F) has recently gotten back into contact with my mother and wants us to have a relationship which I’m point blank refusing. Am I over-reacting?