I think my BFF (30 F) of over 20 years may have had a bachelorette party without me (30 F). Should I ask her about it?

My BFF and I have been friends since early elementary school and are still very, very close friends, despite living in different states for most of that time. We were part of a mutual friend group for several years, and about five years ago, one of the other girls and I had a really bad falling out (mutual fault, honestly). She and I are passively civil at parties; the other two girls and I from the friend group get along well.

BFF got married recently, an evening wedding. By design, the wedding was very small--the bride and groom's parents and siblings, me, the three other girls from our old friend group and two of their husbands, and a friend of the groom--less than 20 guests. She described it as not having a wedding party because they only invited the people that would have been in their wedding party. No rehearsal dinner or anything was mentioned on the invites.

A couple of weeks ago, BFF texted me and asked me if I wanted to do something the morning of her wedding, saying she was (very understandably) busy with the groom's family from out of town the day before (I flew in from out of state two days before the wedding). I was kind of baffled that she wanted to do something the day of her wedding, but she made it very clear that she really wanted to do this, so we met for brunch that day. She sat down at the table and basically started crying from last-minute wedding stress. I offered to cancel the brunch, and she said that she really wanted to do this, so we spent the next couple hours with me letting her vent, telling her about my other friends' wedding stress, just catching up, etc. She thanked me repeatedly for brunch and even sent me a really sweet text afterward saying that I had redeemed what had been an "otherwise completely awful" morning of wedding scrambling.

The wedding was awesome. I really enjoyed catching up with her family and our mutual friends (sans the girl with the falling out, but we politely avoided each other), and the wedding is again, really small, so we actually all talked to bride and groom a lot. The only thing was that I noticed that her other friends (the three of them) mad some references to "surviving last night", which makes me wonder if there was some pre-wedding party to which I wasn't invited (I was also seated with his guests at dinner, but again, the wedding was so small that that didn't matter and may have been because my platonic plus-one feel through at the last minute). I'm kind of curious/slightly hurt, but not sure if I should bring it up and potentially sour what was otherwise an awesome experience?

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tl;dr: BFF had very small wedding; I was invited, but I'm not sure if I was excluded from a party the night before.

Submitted December 10, 2019 at 12:08AM

My BFF and I have been friends since early elementary school and are still very, very close friends, despite living in different states for most of that time. We were part of a mutual friend group for several years, and about five years ago, one of the other girls and I had a really bad falling out (mutual fault, honestly). She and I are passively civil at parties; the other two girls and I from the friend group get along well.BFF got married recently, an evening wedding. By design, the wedding was very small--the bride and groom's parents and siblings, me, the three other girls from our old friend group and two of their husbands, and a friend of the groom--less than 20 guests. She described it as not having a wedding party because they only invited the people that would have been in their wedding party. No rehearsal dinner or anything was mentioned on the invites.A couple of weeks ago, BFF texted me and asked me if I wanted to do something the morning of her wedding, saying she was (very understandably) busy with the groom's family from out of town the day before (I flew in from out of state two days before the wedding). I was kind of baffled that she wanted to do something the day of her wedding, but she made it very clear that she really wanted to do this, so we met for brunch that day. She sat down at the table and basically started crying from last-minute wedding stress. I offered to cancel the brunch, and she said that she really wanted to do this, so we spent the next couple hours with me letting her vent, telling her about my other friends' wedding stress, just catching up, etc. She thanked me repeatedly for brunch and even sent me a really sweet text afterward saying that I had redeemed what had been an "otherwise completely awful" morning of wedding scrambling.The wedding was awesome. I really enjoyed catching up with her family and our mutual friends (sans the girl with the falling out, but we politely avoided each other), and the wedding is again, really small, so we actually all talked to bride and groom a lot. The only thing was that I noticed that her other friends (the three of them) mad some references to "surviving last night", which makes me wonder if there was some pre-wedding party to which I wasn't invited (I was also seated with his guests at dinner, but again, the wedding was so small that that didn't matter and may have been because my platonic plus-one feel through at the last minute). I'm kind of curious/slightly hurt, but not sure if I should bring it up and potentially sour what was otherwise an awesome experience?​tl;dr: BFF had very small wedding; I was invited, but I'm not sure if I was excluded from a party the night before.