Need some Advice

Alright guys, help me out here. About three years ago, give or take a few months, I started dating my best friend. She was like no other woman I've ever been with, spontaneous, loving, and adventurous (both in life and sexually). She would do things all the time to let me know how special she thought I was, and she brought an energy to my life that I didn't know I needed. Setting the scene a bit, I'd just gotten through a monstrous divorce where my ex wife cheated because I had cancer and couldn't have kids (her words). I'm an emotional wreck at this point, and then here comes this girl who, with a wave of her hand, dispels all of the damage my ex had done.

But she has her baggage too.

Two kids, and she was in a relationship. One night she confesses to me that he's abusive. That same night we hook up after a lot of emotional exchange, and it kicks off into a full blown affair. She gets away from the abuse, and we start dating in earnest. Best year of my life. Then one night we sit down to hash some things out, she bursts into tears, saying that she doesn't think she can be in a relationship, still too much baggage left over from the ex, and she needs time to focus on herself and the kids. I can't help but agree, but I'm crushed for all the reasons I mentioned. We end up parting ways after one last night together.

I'm trying to move on, got a job at a bar, basically drinking away all the bullshit (Cancer, Divorce, etc.) When she reaches out to me, saying she missed her friend. I was drunk, angry, and basically said "You wanted this to end, so let it end" and didn't return her calls. Fast forward to three weeks ago. She had ran into my dad (very small town) and he updated her on me, cue the message asking how I am. I caved and replied. We talked as if nothing had ever happened, and I realized that I haven't gotten over her. When she hung up the phone it was almost like losing her again.

To put a fine point on it, I want to be friends, I want to stay cordial, but I feel like I'm setting myself up in a big way by tiptoeing through this emotional minefield. Any opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone.

Submitted October 22, 2019 at 12:10AM

Alright guys, help me out here. About three years ago, give or take a few months, I started dating my best friend. She was like no other woman I've ever been with, spontaneous, loving, and adventurous (both in life and sexually). She would do things all the time to let me know how special she thought I was, and she brought an energy to my life that I didn't know I needed. Setting the scene a bit, I'd just gotten through a monstrous divorce where my ex wife cheated because I had cancer and couldn't have kids (her words). I'm an emotional wreck at this point, and then here comes this girl who, with a wave of her hand, dispels all of the damage my ex had done.But she has her baggage too.Two kids, and she was in a relationship. One night she confesses to me that he's abusive. That same night we hook up after a lot of emotional exchange, and it kicks off into a full blown affair. She gets away from the abuse, and we start dating in earnest. Best year of my life. Then one night we sit down to hash some things out, she bursts into tears, saying that she doesn't think she can be in a relationship, still too much baggage left over from the ex, and she needs time to focus on herself and the kids. I can't help but agree, but I'm crushed for all the reasons I mentioned. We end up parting ways after one last night together.I'm trying to move on, got a job at a bar, basically drinking away all the bullshit (Cancer, Divorce, etc.) When she reaches out to me, saying she missed her friend. I was drunk, angry, and basically said "You wanted this to end, so let it end" and didn't return her calls. Fast forward to three weeks ago. She had ran into my dad (very small town) and he updated her on me, cue the message asking how I am. I caved and replied. We talked as if nothing had ever happened, and I realized that I haven't gotten over her. When she hung up the phone it was almost like losing her again.To put a fine point on it, I want to be friends, I want to stay cordial, but I feel like I'm setting myself up in a big way by tiptoeing through this emotional minefield. Any opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone.