The "I need more time to figure this out" situation

I (21F) met this guy (26M) online where we played games and talked for about half a year before established a connection (not official, we were taking things slowly). We were planning to meet each other this Christmas, and we already video called and voice called each other weekly.

I came out from a badly-ended relationship with my ex, and so I avoided my ex for a while until we both agreed to resume the friendship, like, started to play games and talk again without yelling or talking trash about each other again. The reason is because me and my ex share the same circle of friends and there's no use trying to erase him from my life. We both hated each other a lot till recently we admitted that we have to grow up and stop letting our past relationship mingles into the conversation among our group of friends. This means that we endure each other while taking part in common activities with our mutual friends, and not intentionally seek the other one out. We don't want to get back together, my ex is dating someone else and I am with my partner.

My current partner told me that he cannot see a future where my actions and my words don't match with each other, that he need to stop contacting me to have time for himself, to figure whether we should see each other again or not. He also said that he didn't fit in my group of friends and that made him really insecure, since I was the only girl in this group and he didn't like to "share" me with other guys.

What should I do now? I like this guy and the whole situation was my fault for not talking to him first, but he didn't accept my explanation so I'm currently stressed out. Should I contact him now or just wait till we both calm down and talk again? Am I an asshole for making amends with my ex, without talking to my partner first?

tl;dr my current partner said he need time to figure our relationship after I started to play games and talk to my ex. What should I do now?



Submitted September 30, 2019 at 12:07AM

I (21F) met this guy (26M) online where we played games and talked for about half a year before established a connection (not official, we were taking things slowly). We were planning to meet each other this Christmas, and we already video called and voice called each other weekly.I came out from a badly-ended relationship with my ex, and so I avoided my ex for a while until we both agreed to resume the friendship, like, started to play games and talk again without yelling or talking trash about each other again. The reason is because me and my ex share the same circle of friends and there's no use trying to erase him from my life. We both hated each other a lot till recently we admitted that we have to grow up and stop letting our past relationship mingles into the conversation among our group of friends. This means that we endure each other while taking part in common activities with our mutual friends, and not intentionally seek the other one out. We don't want to get back together, my ex is dating someone else and I am with my partner.My current partner told me that he cannot see a future where my actions and my words don't match with each other, that he need to stop contacting me to have time for himself, to figure whether we should see each other again or not. He also said that he didn't fit in my group of friends and that made him really insecure, since I was the only girl in this group and he didn't like to "share" me with other guys.What should I do now? I like this guy and the whole situation was my fault for not talking to him first, but he didn't accept my explanation so I'm currently stressed out. Should I contact him now or just wait till we both calm down and talk again? Am I an asshole for making amends with my ex, without talking to my partner first?tl;dr my current partner said he need time to figure our relationship after I started to play games and talk to my ex. What should I do now?
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