Stepsons father came to house causing a scene. How do I handle this? Need advice.

TL;DR; Stepsons dad and I had an altercation. (not physical). Just need advise on how to go about this with the stepson.

​

So Ill start by saying I've been with the stepsons Mom for 7 years and he is 11. He is technically not my actual stepson as me and his mother are not married but I've heard him secretly call me his stepdad to friends and stuff before. His mother and her ex husband have 50/50 custody. Ill be honest we don't have the strongest bond, we have very few things in common and I try but it always just feels awkward a lot but to be honest I could probably try harder. He respects me and him and I have never raised a voice at each other and I have a bunch of time explained to him he is like my child and this home is as much his as his sisters (me and his moms child) and his mothers. I have sat him down and had talkings to him when he has done bad in school and explained to him how to be a responsible person (i consider myself responsible as i have never been in trouble with the law. Have a good job and own a home and other things and treat his mother with respect). We are currently in the process of trying to get full custody because his biological father has gone off the deep end over the past 3 years. He was caught with drugs, has gone to jail more times than I can count, can't hold a job, and keeps moving around. That being said he does love his son just isn't a good role model and is a total asshole to my girlfriend. They do not get along, he does not follow the custody agreement at all and my personal feelings are all but negative about him as a person. I am not a confrontational person so honestly I wish we could get along but he gets along with no one.

So its stepsons weekend with us as we swap weekends and weekdays due to the 50/50 custody. He's sick and goes back to his dads tomorrow morning by the custody agreement. He says my girlfriend needs to drop him off now because he's sick and starts with his bullshit which is never thought out and is just rattling off at the mouth. Girlfriend says No its our day I will drop him off in the morning (also she has the very motherly instinct and wants him here because he is sick). Hidsdad shows up at the house even though my girlfriend told him NO. He gets to the house I answer the door and he ignores me and starts yelling for his son to come out. I tell him to get the hell off the property and he said ill beat your ass. As it was the heat of the moment I did call him a fat ass and a bitch and told him he's a shit father and I think my stepson heard all this. He said I'm not even his dad and I have no right and we had some heated words and I said ive been in your sons life just as much as you for the past 7 years then I called the police because he refused to leave. Police came I told them I wanted to press any kind of charges possible for what he did and they make him leave. Obviously police make him leave.

Thats the story in a nut shell. Now the rational not adrenaline pumped version of me would have handled this differently and im very up set my stepson and my daughter had to witness this very childish like thing that happened between two adults but what bothers me is if I have jeopardised what little relationship I have with my stepson. I don't want him to feel awkward in his own home. I hate that his father can't just be a rational human and all of us have a normal co parenting relationship. What do I do here? What is the best course of action. What should I say to my stepson. I told him I was sorry that this happened and I'm not very good in this type of situation and I wanted him to know that this is his house and i don't hold him accountable for his fathers actions and won't treat him any differently.

​

TL;DR;

Submitted September 30, 2019 at 12:19AM

TL;DR; Stepsons dad and I had an altercation. (not physical). Just need advise on how to go about this with the stepson.​So Ill start by saying I've been with the stepsons Mom for 7 years and he is 11. He is technically not my actual stepson as me and his mother are not married but I've heard him secretly call me his stepdad to friends and stuff before. His mother and her ex husband have 50/50 custody. Ill be honest we don't have the strongest bond, we have very few things in common and I try but it always just feels awkward a lot but to be honest I could probably try harder. He respects me and him and I have never raised a voice at each other and I have a bunch of time explained to him he is like my child and this home is as much his as his sisters (me and his moms child) and his mothers. I have sat him down and had talkings to him when he has done bad in school and explained to him how to be a responsible person (i consider myself responsible as i have never been in trouble with the law. Have a good job and own a home and other things and treat his mother with respect). We are currently in the process of trying to get full custody because his biological father has gone off the deep end over the past 3 years. He was caught with drugs, has gone to jail more times than I can count, can't hold a job, and keeps moving around. That being said he does love his son just isn't a good role model and is a total asshole to my girlfriend. They do not get along, he does not follow the custody agreement at all and my personal feelings are all but negative about him as a person. I am not a confrontational person so honestly I wish we could get along but he gets along with no one.So its stepsons weekend with us as we swap weekends and weekdays due to the 50/50 custody. He's sick and goes back to his dads tomorrow morning by the custody agreement. He says my girlfriend needs to drop him off now because he's sick and starts with his bullshit which is never thought out and is just rattling off at the mouth. Girlfriend says No its our day I will drop him off in the morning (also she has the very motherly instinct and wants him here because he is sick). Hidsdad shows up at the house even though my girlfriend told him NO. He gets to the house I answer the door and he ignores me and starts yelling for his son to come out. I tell him to get the hell off the property and he said ill beat your ass. As it was the heat of the moment I did call him a fat ass and a bitch and told him he's a shit father and I think my stepson heard all this. He said I'm not even his dad and I have no right and we had some heated words and I said ive been in your sons life just as much as you for the past 7 years then I called the police because he refused to leave. Police came I told them I wanted to press any kind of charges possible for what he did and they make him leave. Obviously police make him leave.Thats the story in a nut shell. Now the rational not adrenaline pumped version of me would have handled this differently and im very up set my stepson and my daughter had to witness this very childish like thing that happened between two adults but what bothers me is if I have jeopardised what little relationship I have with my stepson. I don't want him to feel awkward in his own home. I hate that his father can't just be a rational human and all of us have a normal co parenting relationship. What do I do here? What is the best course of action. What should I say to my stepson. I told him I was sorry that this happened and I'm not very good in this type of situation and I wanted him to know that this is his house and i don't hold him accountable for his fathers actions and won't treat him any differently.​TL;DR;