Me [26F] with my gay coworkers [M] who talk about queer and sexual topics constantly and it's kinda annoying

Let me first say that I am not at all homophobic, even though I know not everyone will believe me. I'm not even straight myself, though I don't really identify as queer or have much interest in the 'scene'.

Anyway, so: I started a new job this month. It's in a pretty young, startup, 'hipster-ish' company, most people there are pretty young and the atmosphere is very fun and informal, and I do enjoy that! There are 4 men in my team and one other woman. The woman seems nice but almost never talks, and one of the guys is apparently straight (has a GF) and is also nice but more on the quiet side. The other three guys are the team lead and two people with the same job as me, and they are all very openly and obviously gay. Which in itself again, is not a problem.

The problem for me came in when we had the second afterwork event (essentially there's one every friday). So far they had just been mentioning a boyfriend occasionally. But suddenly as alcohol came in, they and a few more gay guys from elsewhere in the company sat together and talked for hours about pretty much exclusively 'gay man'-topics. In the course of one evening I learned that most of them are in open relationships, some have had sex with each other before, they have all met in a gay 'bathhouse' in the city before etc... I just kinda sat there awkwardly because I simply couldn't participate in the conversation at all lol, and every now and then someone would say 'oooh poor (name), you're the only straight' or apologize as they were talking about something explicit and I was like eeeh it's fine.. but eventually one of the guys started talking about how straight people need to get out of LGBT groups and should really just 'fuck off and die' and everyone laughed and I kinda just left a bit later because I felt so obviously not part of the conversation.

Now, I really don't want to be that 'straight' (even though I'm not) person who forces a topic change or whatever, but ever since they kinda dropped any restraint around me and talk basically nonstop about queer topics or about sex with their Bfs at work and I'm just sitting there getting kinda annoyed. Nobody's really unfriendly to me and occasionally they attempt to include me somehow but also sometimes by asking me things I don't really want to talk about with coworkers (like my Team lead guy asking me if I have a partner and when I said no he asked why not and whether I'm on tinder. Like I get it he's gay but it's still weird for me) Otherwise I really enjoy my job and the company but I'm uncomfortable with so much sex talk around me and also drama (because people have dated each other or apparently occasionally hook up) idk it's just weird!

Do I have to get over it? If I'm the odd one out I can't really bring this up without people thinking I'm the bad guy I suppose.

​

___

**tl,dr:** My gay coworkers constantly talk about queer topics including explicit sexual contents I'm not really comfortable with, and I can't help but feel excluded, help?



Submitted September 28, 2019 at 12:08AM

Let me first say that I am not at all homophobic, even though I know not everyone will believe me. I'm not even straight myself, though I don't really identify as queer or have much interest in the 'scene'.Anyway, so: I started a new job this month. It's in a pretty young, startup, 'hipster-ish' company, most people there are pretty young and the atmosphere is very fun and informal, and I do enjoy that! There are 4 men in my team and one other woman. The woman seems nice but almost never talks, and one of the guys is apparently straight (has a GF) and is also nice but more on the quiet side. The other three guys are the team lead and two people with the same job as me, and they are all very openly and obviously gay. Which in itself again, is not a problem.The problem for me came in when we had the second afterwork event (essentially there's one every friday). So far they had just been mentioning a boyfriend occasionally. But suddenly as alcohol came in, they and a few more gay guys from elsewhere in the company sat together and talked for hours about pretty much exclusively 'gay man'-topics. In the course of one evening I learned that most of them are in open relationships, some have had sex with each other before, they have all met in a gay 'bathhouse' in the city before etc... I just kinda sat there awkwardly because I simply couldn't participate in the conversation at all lol, and every now and then someone would say 'oooh poor (name), you're the only straight' or apologize as they were talking about something explicit and I was like eeeh it's fine.. but eventually one of the guys started talking about how straight people need to get out of LGBT groups and should really just 'fuck off and die' and everyone laughed and I kinda just left a bit later because I felt so obviously not part of the conversation.Now, I really don't want to be that 'straight' (even though I'm not) person who forces a topic change or whatever, but ever since they kinda dropped any restraint around me and talk basically nonstop about queer topics or about sex with their Bfs at work and I'm just sitting there getting kinda annoyed. Nobody's really unfriendly to me and occasionally they attempt to include me somehow but also sometimes by asking me things I don't really want to talk about with coworkers (like my Team lead guy asking me if I have a partner and when I said no he asked why not and whether I'm on tinder. Like I get it he's gay but it's still weird for me) Otherwise I really enjoy my job and the company but I'm uncomfortable with so much sex talk around me and also drama (because people have dated each other or apparently occasionally hook up) idk it's just weird!Do I have to get over it? If I'm the odd one out I can't really bring this up without people thinking I'm the bad guy I suppose.​___**tl,dr:** My gay coworkers constantly talk about queer topics including explicit sexual contents I'm not really comfortable with, and I can't help but feel excluded, help?
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