I feel like I (21 F) am on my last leg with boyfriend (27 M). I feel like I’m going crazy

Sorry in advance, this is pretty long.

My boyfriend of three years is, objectively, a fantastic dude. He’s nice, smart, funny, and he’s been a positive influence in my life.

My problem here is that sometimes he’s just,.. a little inconsiderate. It shouldn’t even be a big deal, honestly, but I can’t knock it from my head.

For example, here’s some backstory first. My boyfriend works in an office security setting during the day, it’s a very laid back job, all he does is monitor cameras and occasionally stroll the halls of his office. He has lots of free time so he frequently texts/calls me. It’s no biggie, sometimes, but the other day was a little rough.

I do some errands during my morning, calling the bank and grocery shopping and stuff. And I get a phone call from my friend, and she is absolutely losing it, she’s having one of the worst days of her life and I, being her best friend, talk her down and stay on the phone with her for an hour so she isn’t going to do something dangerous.

I don’t have much, like, mental energy left after that. It’s just really draining for me sometimes when people vent to me.

Anyways, I texted my boyfriend and let him know that, hey, I just emptied my people tank for the day so I’m not super talkative right now. I need some time to recharge.

This is common for me so he understood, he said he hopes I have a good day and that he wouldn’t bother me too much.

Except he called me no joke ten times in a four hour shift. Twice to tell me about something funny on the cameras, once to ask me what I got him for his birthday last year, three times to talk about his stock sales and trades (not to ask me, he just talks mostly to himself, because it helps him to have a sounding board), twice to talk about his younger brother’s wife’s drama (an ongoing saga), and two more times to ask me how I’m doing, because I sound stressed.

Now, the calls weren’t long, and it honestly isn’t that big of a deal. I was maybe on the phone 45 minutes total during a four hour period. But it was just... inconsiderate to me. He does other little stuff like this too, like telling jokes with humor I’m not comfortable, telling stories about sex with his exes even though it makes me uncomfortable, I could continue but this is already really long.

I’ve tried talking to him about it, but every time I bring it up, I feel guilty because by all other rights he’s a good boyfriend. He buys me coffee in the morning, surprises me and constantly compliments me. Like, I can tel he genuinely cares about me.

When I bring it up, he normally apologizes and says that he’ll do better because he hates making me sad, and then he will do better for a little. But he always slips.

How can I best bring this up to him and help him understand that I’m getting tired of the little stuff weighing down on me?

TL;DR : my (21f). Boyfriend (27m) of three years does tons of little things that I think are inconsiderate towards me in our relationship. Despite having discussed it, it has been a repeated issue in the last three years. How do I talk to him before I lose my marbles?

Submitted September 28, 2019 at 12:04AM

Sorry in advance, this is pretty long.My boyfriend of three years is, objectively, a fantastic dude. He’s nice, smart, funny, and he’s been a positive influence in my life.My problem here is that sometimes he’s just,.. a little inconsiderate. It shouldn’t even be a big deal, honestly, but I can’t knock it from my head.For example, here’s some backstory first. My boyfriend works in an office security setting during the day, it’s a very laid back job, all he does is monitor cameras and occasionally stroll the halls of his office. He has lots of free time so he frequently texts/calls me. It’s no biggie, sometimes, but the other day was a little rough.I do some errands during my morning, calling the bank and grocery shopping and stuff. And I get a phone call from my friend, and she is absolutely losing it, she’s having one of the worst days of her life and I, being her best friend, talk her down and stay on the phone with her for an hour so she isn’t going to do something dangerous.I don’t have much, like, mental energy left after that. It’s just really draining for me sometimes when people vent to me.Anyways, I texted my boyfriend and let him know that, hey, I just emptied my people tank for the day so I’m not super talkative right now. I need some time to recharge.This is common for me so he understood, he said he hopes I have a good day and that he wouldn’t bother me too much.Except he called me no joke ten times in a four hour shift. Twice to tell me about something funny on the cameras, once to ask me what I got him for his birthday last year, three times to talk about his stock sales and trades (not to ask me, he just talks mostly to himself, because it helps him to have a sounding board), twice to talk about his younger brother’s wife’s drama (an ongoing saga), and two more times to ask me how I’m doing, because I sound stressed.Now, the calls weren’t long, and it honestly isn’t that big of a deal. I was maybe on the phone 45 minutes total during a four hour period. But it was just... inconsiderate to me. He does other little stuff like this too, like telling jokes with humor I’m not comfortable, telling stories about sex with his exes even though it makes me uncomfortable, I could continue but this is already really long.I’ve tried talking to him about it, but every time I bring it up, I feel guilty because by all other rights he’s a good boyfriend. He buys me coffee in the morning, surprises me and constantly compliments me. Like, I can tel he genuinely cares about me.When I bring it up, he normally apologizes and says that he’ll do better because he hates making me sad, and then he will do better for a little. But he always slips.How can I best bring this up to him and help him understand that I’m getting tired of the little stuff weighing down on me?TL;DR : my (21f). Boyfriend (27m) of three years does tons of little things that I think are inconsiderate towards me in our relationship. Despite having discussed it, it has been a repeated issue in the last three years. How do I talk to him before I lose my marbles?