sticky roommate situation - need advice on how to navigate

I'm in a sticky situation is and am looking for advice on how to best navigate it.

I (23m) met a wonderful girl (23f) on a dating app that I've been seeing since may. I have real feelings for her but have at times felt like I've been getting mixed signals. We're both at busy times of our lives but she is significantly busier. Because of her schedule we don't see each other very often (every 8 or 9 days) and sleep together infrequently. Additionally we rarely communicate digitally. We mostly text to schedule. I'm making this sound bad but in person everything is really really great. My feelings are so strong I'm slightly nervous I'm lovestruck and not thinking clearly.

​

The biggest problem thus far has been getting some time with her. We did plan a weekend getaway trip that went really well and had me feeling a little better about things but after the trip, she went away for a 10 days (over 2 weekends) and we had very little contact. Prior to this trip we had the first "what are we" talk and it ended with her telling me she's not looking for anything serious but she's having fun right now with me and wants to keep getting to know me. It's been continuously difficult to read because we don't really talk digitally and I see her sporadically so it's left me feeling like mixed signals are a bad sign.

​

During this period of time she was away I was feeling very vulnerable from my last relationship + this situation and majorly messed up by getting drunk and hooking up with my (25f) roommate. I thought I had a good conversation with her about this as we were good friends before this and agreed that this shouldn't happen and that we should have a roommate boundary. She's been acting upset ever since and I'm nervous about my relationship with the first girl. I'm not sure if either of us can realistically move out because we're 2mo into a 10mo lease. I do have another male roommate that we initially agreed to not share this info with. I plan to talk to my roommate live tonight to try and clear the air a little bit. Would really like some perspective on what to say to her - I feel like she has more feelings invested in this than I do and I'm not totally sure how to proceed.

I'm upset but realizing I will probably lose the girl I have feelings for over this. I'm really torn on whether or not to tell her. Thus far, we've had really good open and honest communciation when we have the more serious talks about dating, etc but I can't imagine she wants to hear about this. I wanted to talk to her live about everything so I tried to make plans for when she got back. She got sick when she was traveling so she pushed the original plan back a day. Last minute she let me know that the plan was to meet up with some of her friends (some that I haven't met before). I was a little upset because I felt like I didn't have any opportunity for 1on1 time to talk to her about this stuff but before I could bring anything up she had something stolen from the restaurant that we were in. So I decided I couldn't possibly bring this up this second because she's dealing with all this other stress and theres no way we would be able to have a good honest and level headed conversation about things. Long story short, we ended up going home our separate ways after that night after the group dinner (took a lot of time to file the police report from the theft) so I asked her before we left if i could maybe see her one more time this weekend. She said she's still sick but that she could do something on Sunday. I texted her good morning on Sunday and she said "2 is good".

When I showed up she was a little surprised and didn't seem to be expecting me which definitely made me a little sad. She welcomed me in though and we hung out for a little and then we had a conversation about maybe speaking more often because I was feeling like she was sending me mixed signals. She was super receptive to this and agreed that she's been hard to get ahold of. I didn't want to bring up this situation yesterday because she was still dealing with the stolen stuff situation so I didn't want to just pile on stress to her plate.

My main concern is if things progress with the girl I have feelings with, I want honesty and trust to be a foundation of our relationship and I'm not sure the right way to fill her in on this drama. I also need to remedy my home situation as this it's uncomfortable with the roommate. What should I do?



Submitted August 13, 2019 at 12:16AM

I'm in a sticky situation is and am looking for advice on how to best navigate it.I (23m) met a wonderful girl (23f) on a dating app that I've been seeing since may. I have real feelings for her but have at times felt like I've been getting mixed signals. We're both at busy times of our lives but she is significantly busier. Because of her schedule we don't see each other very often (every 8 or 9 days) and sleep together infrequently. Additionally we rarely communicate digitally. We mostly text to schedule. I'm making this sound bad but in person everything is really really great. My feelings are so strong I'm slightly nervous I'm lovestruck and not thinking clearly.​The biggest problem thus far has been getting some time with her. We did plan a weekend getaway trip that went really well and had me feeling a little better about things but after the trip, she went away for a 10 days (over 2 weekends) and we had very little contact. Prior to this trip we had the first "what are we" talk and it ended with her telling me she's not looking for anything serious but she's having fun right now with me and wants to keep getting to know me. It's been continuously difficult to read because we don't really talk digitally and I see her sporadically so it's left me feeling like mixed signals are a bad sign.​During this period of time she was away I was feeling very vulnerable from my last relationship + this situation and majorly messed up by getting drunk and hooking up with my (25f) roommate. I thought I had a good conversation with her about this as we were good friends before this and agreed that this shouldn't happen and that we should have a roommate boundary. She's been acting upset ever since and I'm nervous about my relationship with the first girl. I'm not sure if either of us can realistically move out because we're 2mo into a 10mo lease. I do have another male roommate that we initially agreed to not share this info with. I plan to talk to my roommate live tonight to try and clear the air a little bit. Would really like some perspective on what to say to her - I feel like she has more feelings invested in this than I do and I'm not totally sure how to proceed.I'm upset but realizing I will probably lose the girl I have feelings for over this. I'm really torn on whether or not to tell her. Thus far, we've had really good open and honest communciation when we have the more serious talks about dating, etc but I can't imagine she wants to hear about this. I wanted to talk to her live about everything so I tried to make plans for when she got back. She got sick when she was traveling so she pushed the original plan back a day. Last minute she let me know that the plan was to meet up with some of her friends (some that I haven't met before). I was a little upset because I felt like I didn't have any opportunity for 1on1 time to talk to her about this stuff but before I could bring anything up she had something stolen from the restaurant that we were in. So I decided I couldn't possibly bring this up this second because she's dealing with all this other stress and theres no way we would be able to have a good honest and level headed conversation about things. Long story short, we ended up going home our separate ways after that night after the group dinner (took a lot of time to file the police report from the theft) so I asked her before we left if i could maybe see her one more time this weekend. She said she's still sick but that she could do something on Sunday. I texted her good morning on Sunday and she said "2 is good".When I showed up she was a little surprised and didn't seem to be expecting me which definitely made me a little sad. She welcomed me in though and we hung out for a little and then we had a conversation about maybe speaking more often because I was feeling like she was sending me mixed signals. She was super receptive to this and agreed that she's been hard to get ahold of. I didn't want to bring up this situation yesterday because she was still dealing with the stolen stuff situation so I didn't want to just pile on stress to her plate.My main concern is if things progress with the girl I have feelings with, I want honesty and trust to be a foundation of our relationship and I'm not sure the right way to fill her in on this drama. I also need to remedy my home situation as this it's uncomfortable with the roommate. What should I do?
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