I [29F] have fallen in love with my fwb [30 M] of 4 months. We are both poly. Should I tell him?

Okay, so! I divorced last year and decided to get on tinder this spring, mostly because I desperately needed to get out and have fun. I had and still have no intention of getting into a serious relationship. This was the first guy I met and we clicked immediately. We have a ton of the same obscure interests, and can talk for hours with little effort. We're a great match, mind and body. He also made it clear from the start that he didn't want anything serious. I don't believe either of us expected to find such a compatible partner on tinder.

So, fast forward to today. We see each other once or twice a week. He has started spending the night at my place when we get together. Both of us are having sex with other people frequently. I just feel this connection with him that sets my time with him apart. I never want it to end. He on the other hand, has no problem fucking me and leaving right after. I know he hasn't developed the same emotional attachment I have. I just can't help it, I've tried to stop feeling this way. I even stopped seeing him for a couple of weeks but I just felt worse.

What I want to know is, should I tell him how I'm feeling? We're super open with each other and I feel weird keeping this from him, although I do wonder if he can tell already anyway. I wouldn't want anything to change, honestly. I just feel like he should know that I care for him on a deeper level. I don't want to stop sleeping with other people and I wouldn't expect that from him either. But, I'm worried telling him could make things awkward or uncomfortable, or cause him to distance himself from me. It feels risky.

So, tl;dr: fwb and I are both poly. I'm in love with him, he's not in love with me. Should I tell him? Do the benefits of having my feelings out in the open outweigh the risks?



Submitted August 04, 2019 at 12:10AM

Okay, so! I divorced last year and decided to get on tinder this spring, mostly because I desperately needed to get out and have fun. I had and still have no intention of getting into a serious relationship. This was the first guy I met and we clicked immediately. We have a ton of the same obscure interests, and can talk for hours with little effort. We're a great match, mind and body. He also made it clear from the start that he didn't want anything serious. I don't believe either of us expected to find such a compatible partner on tinder.So, fast forward to today. We see each other once or twice a week. He has started spending the night at my place when we get together. Both of us are having sex with other people frequently. I just feel this connection with him that sets my time with him apart. I never want it to end. He on the other hand, has no problem fucking me and leaving right after. I know he hasn't developed the same emotional attachment I have. I just can't help it, I've tried to stop feeling this way. I even stopped seeing him for a couple of weeks but I just felt worse.What I want to know is, should I tell him how I'm feeling? We're super open with each other and I feel weird keeping this from him, although I do wonder if he can tell already anyway. I wouldn't want anything to change, honestly. I just feel like he should know that I care for him on a deeper level. I don't want to stop sleeping with other people and I wouldn't expect that from him either. But, I'm worried telling him could make things awkward or uncomfortable, or cause him to distance himself from me. It feels risky.So, tl;dr: fwb and I are both poly. I'm in love with him, he's not in love with me. Should I tell him? Do the benefits of having my feelings out in the open outweigh the risks?
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