Am I (28F) being fair or super inconsiderate towards my husband (30M)?

Husband an I had a fight this morning and I can’t work out if I’m totally insensitive or not.

My baby (10 months old) still wakes up twice a night. I’m tired, he tired and that’s what it’s all about. So My husband has Wednesdays and Sunday off work. On Wednesday bub has swimming in the morning and so we both get up 6.30/7 (bub wakes at this time so we just use him as an alarm) and on Sundays my husband and I wake up normal time. I fed bub, change his nappy and play with him while my hubby takes 30+ minutes to toilet, shower and dress. Then he takes bub on a walk to the local cafe and buys breakfast and a coffee. This takes 20-30 minutes.

So my issue is.... I’m soooooooo tired. I want to go back to sleep and have a sleep in on Sundays but for that to happen I would need him to get up and ready (toilet/shower/dress) in 10 minutes or maybe just skip the shower and have it later. The problem is once I’m up for 30 minutes in the morning (it’s light/bubs awake and crawling around) there is no way I’m going back to sleep. I’m so tired and desperately want a sleep in... it’s been 10 months!!!

I think it would be fair if we should take it in turns to have sleep ins on Sundays.

My husbands point of view is that we just don’t get them anymore. I need to live with it and get over it. He believes he has the short end of the stick. I snore at the moment as it’s hayfever season here and I can’t take my meds as I’m breastfeeding. That causes me to snore. He also thinks that there is no way he could have one as he would wake up to us just being awake in the lounge. So if he could never have one I shouldn’t either.

So basically my husband goes to sleep at 8-9pm I go to bed at 10 (so he can have a couple of hours sleep). I rarely am asleep by 11 as it just takes me time to switch off. Bub is up at 12 which I wake up and do. I’m back asleep at 1. Bub Wakes up at 3. I get up and am back to sleep around 3.30. I usually start snoring around 4 so hubby has on-off sleep until 6.30. He has ear plugs but he finds it hard to sleep with them. He’s also wakes up when bub starts crying and rarely sleeps through me getting him.... but he doesn’t need to get up or anything and is asleep when I get back into bed. Every second/third night I sleep on the couch so he has a better sleep. I can’t sleep there every night as I have back issues.

Now he thinks I’m super selfish for even asking for a sleep in and refuses to change his routine to accommodate one. I feel like he’s punishing me. I haven’t sleep properly in 10 months and I feel like he should help me out. I’m sorry I snore but until bub weans I can’t take meds so I really am just stuck..

Should I just get over it and realize it’s just not going to happen or do you think I should talk to him more about it? He’s super angry at me for even asking in the first place.

Tl:dr We both super tired. Husband refuses to change his morning routine to let me sleep because he’s lacking in sleep also.

Sorry for the mistakes.. I’m tired.

Submitted July 06, 2019 at 11:58PM

Husband an I had a fight this morning and I can’t work out if I’m totally insensitive or not.My baby (10 months old) still wakes up twice a night. I’m tired, he tired and that’s what it’s all about. So My husband has Wednesdays and Sunday off work. On Wednesday bub has swimming in the morning and so we both get up 6.30/7 (bub wakes at this time so we just use him as an alarm) and on Sundays my husband and I wake up normal time. I fed bub, change his nappy and play with him while my hubby takes 30+ minutes to toilet, shower and dress. Then he takes bub on a walk to the local cafe and buys breakfast and a coffee. This takes 20-30 minutes.So my issue is.... I’m soooooooo tired. I want to go back to sleep and have a sleep in on Sundays but for that to happen I would need him to get up and ready (toilet/shower/dress) in 10 minutes or maybe just skip the shower and have it later. The problem is once I’m up for 30 minutes in the morning (it’s light/bubs awake and crawling around) there is no way I’m going back to sleep. I’m so tired and desperately want a sleep in... it’s been 10 months!!!I think it would be fair if we should take it in turns to have sleep ins on Sundays.My husbands point of view is that we just don’t get them anymore. I need to live with it and get over it. He believes he has the short end of the stick. I snore at the moment as it’s hayfever season here and I can’t take my meds as I’m breastfeeding. That causes me to snore. He also thinks that there is no way he could have one as he would wake up to us just being awake in the lounge. So if he could never have one I shouldn’t either.So basically my husband goes to sleep at 8-9pm I go to bed at 10 (so he can have a couple of hours sleep). I rarely am asleep by 11 as it just takes me time to switch off. Bub is up at 12 which I wake up and do. I’m back asleep at 1. Bub Wakes up at 3. I get up and am back to sleep around 3.30. I usually start snoring around 4 so hubby has on-off sleep until 6.30. He has ear plugs but he finds it hard to sleep with them. He’s also wakes up when bub starts crying and rarely sleeps through me getting him.... but he doesn’t need to get up or anything and is asleep when I get back into bed. Every second/third night I sleep on the couch so he has a better sleep. I can’t sleep there every night as I have back issues.Now he thinks I’m super selfish for even asking for a sleep in and refuses to change his routine to accommodate one. I feel like he’s punishing me. I haven’t sleep properly in 10 months and I feel like he should help me out. I’m sorry I snore but until bub weans I can’t take meds so I really am just stuck..Should I just get over it and realize it’s just not going to happen or do you think I should talk to him more about it? He’s super angry at me for even asking in the first place.Tl:dr We both super tired. Husband refuses to change his morning routine to let me sleep because he’s lacking in sleep also.Sorry for the mistakes.. I’m tired.