Mom [50F] seemingly hates my [19F] younger sister [11F]. How can I help?

TLDR: Sister is a difficult child, mom makes it worse. I'm worried for how my sister will grow up if this behaviour from both of them continues. What should I do?

Sister [11F] was born at an inopportune time for my parents. We were short on money, our electricity/heating would go out every couple months, and my parent's business was failing. My mom's pregnancy was also very complicated, because unfortunately, sister [11F] has a heart condition (which added some expense to her birth). We got evicted 3 years after sister [11F] was born, and 2 years after sister [11F] was born, we both got a new younger sister [0F].

Sister [11F] has always been a "problem child". She struggles to make/keep friends in school. She is angry because she is constantly yelled at, which makes her yell more, parents punish her instead of trying to understand her, etc. She is bullied; kids steal her lunch and the teacher doesn't do much about it. Kids post mean things about her online. She struggles academically sometimes as well, but mostly socially.

Other sister [9F] is completely the opposite. Fairly quiet kid, she'll do what you ask usually without question, easy time making friends. So my parents constantly compare [9F] to [11F] and you can tell who is the favourite. I'm sure if I can tell, [11F] can as well.

The reason for writing this post is that my boyfriend and I decided to take my two sisters to an amusement park last Monday. This has been planned for a while, my parents both knew about it. I told my sisters Sunday night what the plans were for Monday (it was a surprise for them) and apparently my sister [11F] broke out in tears (I no longer live with my parents or siblings, which is why I say "apparently"). My mother could not figure out why she was crying, so my mom just screamed at her that "fine, you arent going tomorrow and that's it". Which of course, makes her cry more.

I eventually figured out that [11F] was upset that her younger sister [9F] had already been to this amusement park twice with her friends, and [11F] was upset because she had never gone before, because she doesn't have friends to take her. I told her I understood her frustration. She apologized to my mom for not communicating. My mom accepted the apology, but then said to me over the phone that "it was good she apologized, but shes still not going, because she was in a bad mood anyway so she doesn't deserve to go." (We ended up going after much much convincing. I also already had the tickets which are 40 dollars each, so I didn't want to waste my money as well).

These types of situations happen quite often. My family is very toxic. As another example, when we went to the amusement park my mom packed us all a lunch. She forgot [11F]'s lunch but nobody elses, so I gave my mom a

call and said "Hey, did you pack [11F]'s lunch?"

My mom said "No, I forgot, sorry."

I said "Oh. Well, we'll figure something out for her then."

My mom said "Is she upset [that she didn't get her lunch]?"

I said "well, sort of. She is hungry and she was looking forward to it"

Mom says "Oh well, she can starve for all I care."

Like who says that?

I am so worried for how [11F] will grow up in this toxic household. Sometimes I regret moving out because I feel like maybe I could have protected them better. I don't know what I can do to help.

Submitted June 29, 2019 at 12:10AM

TLDR: Sister is a difficult child, mom makes it worse. I'm worried for how my sister will grow up if this behaviour from both of them continues. What should I do?Sister [11F] was born at an inopportune time for my parents. We were short on money, our electricity/heating would go out every couple months, and my parent's business was failing. My mom's pregnancy was also very complicated, because unfortunately, sister [11F] has a heart condition (which added some expense to her birth). We got evicted 3 years after sister [11F] was born, and 2 years after sister [11F] was born, we both got a new younger sister [0F].Sister [11F] has always been a "problem child". She struggles to make/keep friends in school. She is angry because she is constantly yelled at, which makes her yell more, parents punish her instead of trying to understand her, etc. She is bullied; kids steal her lunch and the teacher doesn't do much about it. Kids post mean things about her online. She struggles academically sometimes as well, but mostly socially.Other sister [9F] is completely the opposite. Fairly quiet kid, she'll do what you ask usually without question, easy time making friends. So my parents constantly compare [9F] to [11F] and you can tell who is the favourite. I'm sure if I can tell, [11F] can as well.The reason for writing this post is that my boyfriend and I decided to take my two sisters to an amusement park last Monday. This has been planned for a while, my parents both knew about it. I told my sisters Sunday night what the plans were for Monday (it was a surprise for them) and apparently my sister [11F] broke out in tears (I no longer live with my parents or siblings, which is why I say "apparently"). My mother could not figure out why she was crying, so my mom just screamed at her that "fine, you arent going tomorrow and that's it". Which of course, makes her cry more.I eventually figured out that [11F] was upset that her younger sister [9F] had already been to this amusement park twice with her friends, and [11F] was upset because she had never gone before, because she doesn't have friends to take her. I told her I understood her frustration. She apologized to my mom for not communicating. My mom accepted the apology, but then said to me over the phone that "it was good she apologized, but shes still not going, because she was in a bad mood anyway so she doesn't deserve to go." (We ended up going after much much convincing. I also already had the tickets which are 40 dollars each, so I didn't want to waste my money as well).These types of situations happen quite often. My family is very toxic. As another example, when we went to the amusement park my mom packed us all a lunch. She forgot [11F]'s lunch but nobody elses, so I gave my mom acall and said "Hey, did you pack [11F]'s lunch?"My mom said "No, I forgot, sorry."I said "Oh. Well, we'll figure something out for her then."My mom said "Is she upset [that she didn't get her lunch]?"I said "well, sort of. She is hungry and she was looking forward to it"Mom says "Oh well, she can starve for all I care."Like who says that?I am so worried for how [11F] will grow up in this toxic household. Sometimes I regret moving out because I feel like maybe I could have protected them better. I don't know what I can do to help.