I (22M) had a thing with a co-worker (22F) at our summer job last year. We're both back and things have changed between us. Do I keep trying or move on?

I've been so upset the last few days. This girl and I who work at the same place were together last year. Near the end of the summer, we decided to become exclusive. But then school started and fucked everything up. It's just such a huge burden for me and after a month or two of seeing her only sporadically, I ended it because I thought it was unfair to keep her in a commitment that I couldn't hold up. She didn't tell me this at the time, and indeed I need to work on my emotional intelligence, but apparently that ordeal fucked her up for a couple months.

​

Well we're working together again. And here's the thing: she's with someone. Not dating, just fucking, I think. It's so hard seeing her at work, but even harder when we all go out and we're at the same bar together. It usually devolves into me telling her how much I like her, her saying the same thing, etc. Our mutual friend and co-worker is the intermediary through which we've both shared a lot of feelings. He tells me she still likes me but is just confused. She thought I didn't like her, that I didn't want anything to do with her. The girl herself tells me she finds it hard to trust that we'll be together and then something will suddenly change where I can balance school and personal life. That sticks out to me: if she can't trust me, what is the point of trying? I also often find it hard to talk to her -- I become sad/angry/shy -- and she takes this as proof that I'm not seriously interested.

​

She says she wants to be friends, to wait and see and then something might happen. But until then she doesn't want to ruin a good thing. This is made more confusing by her mixed signals (touching, constantly texting), saying that "obviously" she still has feelings for me and is just confused. She's also asked me not to get together with another co-worker of ours over whom she gets upset when I simply talk to. That part sounds strange, but I understand, and while I'm attracted to this other girl (on a purely physical level), I'd never want to make the girl this post is about upset.

​

I just don't know what to do. Yeah, she's saying wait but it kills me every time I see her. The question of whether this is just a hopeless cause has been on my mind all the time. Am I supposed to move on? How do I do that when I see her every day, most nights, and get texts like "sorry about being awkward" or "why are you acting weird" every other evening. I keep telling myself I'll forget about her but I can't bring myself to do it. I keep thinking about last summer, how much I like her, etc. I'm wondering whether anyone has advice on how to proceed? Am I being an entitled misogynist fuck? Do I continue? Do I be petulant and completely stonewall her, knowing she already thinks my not talking to her means I don't like her, and ruining even the slightest prospect of getting together? God, this fucking sucks.

​

Appreciate the help.

​

TL;DR a co-worker who I was exclusive with last year--and who's with someone but still maintain she likes me and gives me a lot of signals as such--thinks my difficulty with commitment last year means she shouldn't give up this current thing. Do I move on? How?

Submitted June 28, 2019 at 11:52PM

I've been so upset the last few days. This girl and I who work at the same place were together last year. Near the end of the summer, we decided to become exclusive. But then school started and fucked everything up. It's just such a huge burden for me and after a month or two of seeing her only sporadically, I ended it because I thought it was unfair to keep her in a commitment that I couldn't hold up. She didn't tell me this at the time, and indeed I need to work on my emotional intelligence, but apparently that ordeal fucked her up for a couple months.​Well we're working together again. And here's the thing: she's with someone. Not dating, just fucking, I think. It's so hard seeing her at work, but even harder when we all go out and we're at the same bar together. It usually devolves into me telling her how much I like her, her saying the same thing, etc. Our mutual friend and co-worker is the intermediary through which we've both shared a lot of feelings. He tells me she still likes me but is just confused. She thought I didn't like her, that I didn't want anything to do with her. The girl herself tells me she finds it hard to trust that we'll be together and then something will suddenly change where I can balance school and personal life. That sticks out to me: if she can't trust me, what is the point of trying? I also often find it hard to talk to her -- I become sad/angry/shy -- and she takes this as proof that I'm not seriously interested.​She says she wants to be friends, to wait and see and then something might happen. But until then she doesn't want to ruin a good thing. This is made more confusing by her mixed signals (touching, constantly texting), saying that "obviously" she still has feelings for me and is just confused. She's also asked me not to get together with another co-worker of ours over whom she gets upset when I simply talk to. That part sounds strange, but I understand, and while I'm attracted to this other girl (on a purely physical level), I'd never want to make the girl this post is about upset.​I just don't know what to do. Yeah, she's saying wait but it kills me every time I see her. The question of whether this is just a hopeless cause has been on my mind all the time. Am I supposed to move on? How do I do that when I see her every day, most nights, and get texts like "sorry about being awkward" or "why are you acting weird" every other evening. I keep telling myself I'll forget about her but I can't bring myself to do it. I keep thinking about last summer, how much I like her, etc. I'm wondering whether anyone has advice on how to proceed? Am I being an entitled misogynist fuck? Do I continue? Do I be petulant and completely stonewall her, knowing she already thinks my not talking to her means I don't like her, and ruining even the slightest prospect of getting together? God, this fucking sucks.​Appreciate the help.​TL;DR a co-worker who I was exclusive with last year--and who's with someone but still maintain she likes me and gives me a lot of signals as such--thinks my difficulty with commitment last year means she shouldn't give up this current thing. Do I move on? How?