To all the virgins/inexperienced people who are afraid of being bad at sex:

I see a few posts on here every month about worries involving not being good enough in the bedroom and I thought I should share my perspective. If this only helps one out every hundred people that see this, then I think this is worth posting. I'm a woman in my early 30s who has had a fair amount of sexual partners. I'm currently married to a man that I have been with for the last 7 years. i would consider myself pretty experienced in sex. I've had bad sex, meh sex, and amazing sex with men of varying levels of experience.

​

I know sex is pretty daunting when you don't have much, or any, experience. In fact, sex with anyone new can be full of anxiety. You worry about how you will perform, how your partner will think of you naked, whether they will regret it or not, etc. I admire anyone who can go into sex with someone new, even if they are experienced, without any feelings of anxiety, however I don't think that's the norm.

​

You WILL have bad sex, and you will be bad in bed. That's a given and applies to both men and women. And guess what: you will have bad sex with one night stands, FWBs, AND long term significant others. I love sex with my husband and I try to have it as much as I can. But sometimes, it's just bad. Maybe one of us had too many glasses of wine, we're tired, he cums quickly or not all, I can't get into it because I have a lot on my mind, or any other number of reasons. Sometimes, my husband and I will be having sex, and we'll both look at each other and we both know that it's better to just stop and cuddle up and watch a movie.

​

Shit happens.

​

Sex and arousal can often be very fickle. You my try your best to have amazing sex and please your partner, and it just won't happen. Therein lies the key though: trying to please your partner. I've had a great many hookups when I was younger, and I can tell you that I never looked down on a guy who didn't leave me fulfilled but tried anyway. As I got more and more sexual experience, I realized that the people who want you to have a good time and listen to what you want are the ones you want to keep around, even if they aren't able to do so immediately. My second serious relationship, which started when I was in my mid 20s, was with a guy who was a complete virgin, hadn't ever kissed anyone but me. Thankfully he told me, and when it came time to have sex, it wasn't great. However, he tried and he listened. When he tried to have sex after only a minute or two of foreplay, I told him to slow down and he did. When he went down on me, I told him what I like and he tried to do just that and went down on me for maybe 15 minutes. I didn't get off from oral or PiV that night, but I left happy knowing that he tried and listened. A short while after that, we were having amazing sex, as amazing as it would be if he had been experienced too.

​

I can't speak for everyone and I'm sure there are some people out there who ditch potential partners after bad first sex, but frankly I think that's just a bullet dodged. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and you deserve a partner who knows this and wants you anyway. To be clear, I'm not saying there is anything wrong in not wanting to have sex with someone who is a virgin/inexperienced, just that everyone deserves to have a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship, and if a man or woman does not want to be with you because of said virginity/inexperience, you are better off anyway.

​

Sorry for the long wall of text. I always see posts relating to this and I have a close friend who is dealing with something similar, so I thought I'd share my perspective.



Submitted April 28, 2019 at 05:32AM

I see a few posts on here every month about worries involving not being good enough in the bedroom and I thought I should share my perspective. If this only helps one out every hundred people that see this, then I think this is worth posting. I'm a woman in my early 30s who has had a fair amount of sexual partners. I'm currently married to a man that I have been with for the last 7 years. i would consider myself pretty experienced in sex. I've had bad sex, meh sex, and amazing sex with men of varying levels of experience.​I know sex is pretty daunting when you don't have much, or any, experience. In fact, sex with anyone new can be full of anxiety. You worry about how you will perform, how your partner will think of you naked, whether they will regret it or not, etc. I admire anyone who can go into sex with someone new, even if they are experienced, without any feelings of anxiety, however I don't think that's the norm.​You WILL have bad sex, and you will be bad in bed. That's a given and applies to both men and women. And guess what: you will have bad sex with one night stands, FWBs, AND long term significant others. I love sex with my husband and I try to have it as much as I can. But sometimes, it's just bad. Maybe one of us had too many glasses of wine, we're tired, he cums quickly or not all, I can't get into it because I have a lot on my mind, or any other number of reasons. Sometimes, my husband and I will be having sex, and we'll both look at each other and we both know that it's better to just stop and cuddle up and watch a movie.​Shit happens.​Sex and arousal can often be very fickle. You my try your best to have amazing sex and please your partner, and it just won't happen. Therein lies the key though: trying to please your partner. I've had a great many hookups when I was younger, and I can tell you that I never looked down on a guy who didn't leave me fulfilled but tried anyway. As I got more and more sexual experience, I realized that the people who want you to have a good time and listen to what you want are the ones you want to keep around, even if they aren't able to do so immediately. My second serious relationship, which started when I was in my mid 20s, was with a guy who was a complete virgin, hadn't ever kissed anyone but me. Thankfully he told me, and when it came time to have sex, it wasn't great. However, he tried and he listened. When he tried to have sex after only a minute or two of foreplay, I told him to slow down and he did. When he went down on me, I told him what I like and he tried to do just that and went down on me for maybe 15 minutes. I didn't get off from oral or PiV that night, but I left happy knowing that he tried and listened. A short while after that, we were having amazing sex, as amazing as it would be if he had been experienced too.​I can't speak for everyone and I'm sure there are some people out there who ditch potential partners after bad first sex, but frankly I think that's just a bullet dodged. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and you deserve a partner who knows this and wants you anyway. To be clear, I'm not saying there is anything wrong in not wanting to have sex with someone who is a virgin/inexperienced, just that everyone deserves to have a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship, and if a man or woman does not want to be with you because of said virginity/inexperience, you are better off anyway.​Sorry for the long wall of text. I always see posts relating to this and I have a close friend who is dealing with something similar, so I thought I'd share my perspective.
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