Has the term "rough sex" become conflated with ideas of s&m and male dom?

I can remember before Internet porn was widespread, "rough sex" was generally thought of as like a form of vigorous sex mixed with fighting. Two people struggling against one another, wrestling, playing dirty and trying to one-up the other for supremacy in a way.

Nowadays, it seems like rough sex has become synonymous with this very particular sexual scenario of s&m, most commonly where the guy is dominant and the girl is submissive, and the sexual acts associated all play into that specific dynamic. Guy ties girl up, guy slaps girls around, guy call girl a worthless whore, guy proceeds to "use" girl like an inanimate, sexual object.

To me that's not rough sex, that's just classic s&m style. That kind of sex is about the sadism and masochism. Maybe some of the acts associated with this s&m have gotten a bit more bold and frankly a bit more violent, and I assume for that reason people get the idea that therefor this must be what rough sex is, but I disagree.

I don't like this because I feel it does not accurately describe the kind of sex happening, and also because it seems to obfuscate the nature of s&m, and relegate it to much simplified and accessible terms which to me is a bit unnerving. It's also a bit disconcerting that so many seem to be stuck in this one-dimensional view of rough sex, where it's almost always male domineering and it's almost always female masochism. If you read through many of r/sex posts on the term, it's routinely described in exactly those perimeters. A Redditer asks for advice on rough sex, the recommendations listed off, "choke her, slap her, spit on her", etc. Just automatically assuming that kind of one-sided power dynamic, commonly in the guy's favor.

I have to blame this on the bulk of modern Internet porn. Because there, you will almost always find descriptions of rough sex that follow this same formula time and time again. I rarely see rough sex being referred to, or described in a way where both partners play an active, or aggressive role against one another. Where both struggle for physical dominance and pleasure. I suppose that on occasion people do still refer to this as "hate fucking", but overall it's not a popular point of discussion, nor a popular genre of porn. That kind of sex seems to have fallen out of favor almost, and now we prefer to think of s&m style sex as being the definitive idea of "rough sex". I don't particularly care for this shift in perception.

What do you think?

Submitted April 28, 2019 at 05:38AM

I can remember before Internet porn was widespread, "rough sex" was generally thought of as like a form of vigorous sex mixed with fighting. Two people struggling against one another, wrestling, playing dirty and trying to one-up the other for supremacy in a way.Nowadays, it seems like rough sex has become synonymous with this very particular sexual scenario of s&m, most commonly where the guy is dominant and the girl is submissive, and the sexual acts associated all play into that specific dynamic. Guy ties girl up, guy slaps girls around, guy call girl a worthless whore, guy proceeds to "use" girl like an inanimate, sexual object.To me that's not rough sex, that's just classic s&m style. That kind of sex is about the sadism and masochism. Maybe some of the acts associated with this s&m have gotten a bit more bold and frankly a bit more violent, and I assume for that reason people get the idea that therefor this must be what rough sex is, but I disagree.I don't like this because I feel it does not accurately describe the kind of sex happening, and also because it seems to obfuscate the nature of s&m, and relegate it to much simplified and accessible terms which to me is a bit unnerving. It's also a bit disconcerting that so many seem to be stuck in this one-dimensional view of rough sex, where it's almost always male domineering and it's almost always female masochism. If you read through many of r/sex posts on the term, it's routinely described in exactly those perimeters. A Redditer asks for advice on rough sex, the recommendations listed off, "choke her, slap her, spit on her", etc. Just automatically assuming that kind of one-sided power dynamic, commonly in the guy's favor.I have to blame this on the bulk of modern Internet porn. Because there, you will almost always find descriptions of rough sex that follow this same formula time and time again. I rarely see rough sex being referred to, or described in a way where both partners play an active, or aggressive role against one another. Where both struggle for physical dominance and pleasure. I suppose that on occasion people do still refer to this as "hate fucking", but overall it's not a popular point of discussion, nor a popular genre of porn. That kind of sex seems to have fallen out of favor almost, and now we prefer to think of s&m style sex as being the definitive idea of "rough sex". I don't particularly care for this shift in perception.What do you think?