How to approach the wife on letting her explore other options....

My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers, we are in our 50's now. I was her 1st and only sex partner. We have had some rough relationship years in the past....like a decade worth. Basically because a perceived slight against me, I ignored and neglected her for 10-15 years. I really can't believe she didn't leave me or cheat on me. She recently made an off hand comment that while she would never cheat, she understood how it could happen. That really stung and I deserved it. Our life the last few years has been pretty awesome. We communicate a lot better, we've talked out a lot of our past issues and look forward to spending time together.

The only thing that is off right now is our sex life. I am ready to go daily , but medical issues have hurt my performance. She still orgasms multiple times but its mostly from oral and minimal ic. Her sex drive is also slowing down as it does with a lot of women that hit her age that experience hot flashes and such. But I also think there is something missing as she hasn't been into it for quite a while. She sorta goes along with flow and that's it. I ask her if everything is ok and get the typical everything is fine reply. (side note, women should not be allowed to use the word fine..lol)

After reflecting back on some off handed comments , I wonder if she is trying to come to terms with the fact I will be her only sexual partner, even if subconsciously. This bothers me a lot now. I want her happy. I have grown to love this woman more than I ever thought possible, and seeing her not totally happy is painful. I'm trying to decide if I should broach the subject of letting her go on a "date" with someone if the right situation arose. She is very conservative, and I'm afraid she will take it the wrong way and it will hurt our relationship if I suggest it. I'm looking for the right way to approach her to not make her feel defensive that she is doing anything wrong. Anything sex related is hard to get any dialog going with her.

As for me, at one time this would of meant insta divorce. I was the typical jealous husband and didn't want anyone near my wife. But I believe I have evolved way beyond that. I also am not interested in a swap or any other women to play with. I would be interested in being in the same room with her if something did work out. Not as a cuck or even a MFM but to make sure she is safe and enjoy the happiness she would hopefully get. If I could join in a little as well that would be great.

Any suggestion on how to approach this? Should I just leave it alone and go the next 20 years as we are? Am I dumb and overthinking it? Looking for advice....sorry for the length....



Submitted November 16, 2021 at 12:57AM

My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers, we are in our 50's now. I was her 1st and only sex partner. We have had some rough relationship years in the past....like a decade worth. Basically because a perceived slight against me, I ignored and neglected her for 10-15 years. I really can't believe she didn't leave me or cheat on me. She recently made an off hand comment that while she would never cheat, she understood how it could happen. That really stung and I deserved it. Our life the last few years has been pretty awesome. We communicate a lot better, we've talked out a lot of our past issues and look forward to spending time together.The only thing that is off right now is our sex life. I am ready to go daily , but medical issues have hurt my performance. She still orgasms multiple times but its mostly from oral and minimal ic. Her sex drive is also slowing down as it does with a lot of women that hit her age that experience hot flashes and such. But I also think there is something missing as she hasn't been into it for quite a while. She sorta goes along with flow and that's it. I ask her if everything is ok and get the typical everything is fine reply. (side note, women should not be allowed to use the word fine..lol)After reflecting back on some off handed comments , I wonder if she is trying to come to terms with the fact I will be her only sexual partner, even if subconsciously. This bothers me a lot now. I want her happy. I have grown to love this woman more than I ever thought possible, and seeing her not totally happy is painful. I'm trying to decide if I should broach the subject of letting her go on a "date" with someone if the right situation arose. She is very conservative, and I'm afraid she will take it the wrong way and it will hurt our relationship if I suggest it. I'm looking for the right way to approach her to not make her feel defensive that she is doing anything wrong. Anything sex related is hard to get any dialog going with her.As for me, at one time this would of meant insta divorce. I was the typical jealous husband and didn't want anyone near my wife. But I believe I have evolved way beyond that. I also am not interested in a swap or any other women to play with. I would be interested in being in the same room with her if something did work out. Not as a cuck or even a MFM but to make sure she is safe and enjoy the happiness she would hopefully get. If I could join in a little as well that would be great.Any suggestion on how to approach this? Should I just leave it alone and go the next 20 years as we are? Am I dumb and overthinking it? Looking for advice....sorry for the length....
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