How do I get over someone?

I M/21 identify as Demisexual, about 3 years ago I graduated high school and stopped talking to a girl, my best friend, who I would argue I loved, some time passed, I still wasn't over it and messaged her a while later, more as a way to vent my feelings in an effort to move on. Recently she split with the person who was stopping us from being together, started dating someone else, and then reached out to me. I thinking I was entirely over her, quickly realized I wasn't. I've tried getting out into the world of dating but always found her entering my mind. Trust me when I say she's a great person and I value her deeply as a friend, I don't want it to end but at the same time I can't look her in the eye without feeling this existential pain of it never happening. I want this feeling to stop, I want to be able to look at someone else and not have this back of the mind feeling that, if she became available, I could be there.

Dating is already difficult, and It's even harder with my job, online college, and other things on my plate right now, I don't know how or where to meet new people, I'm very closeted when I don't trust someone, making a friend genuinely takes a while and that shell is hard for me to break from the inside, she can pull me right out of it and I have been unable to find anyone that could get close to doing the same. I want to be happy, I want love, but I can't detach those two wants from her. I feel stupid because I can't shake that feeling, and I'd do anything to ensure she's happy, but there are times it just hurts.



Submitted September 20, 2021 at 12:11AM

I M/21 identify as Demisexual, about 3 years ago I graduated high school and stopped talking to a girl, my best friend, who I would argue I loved, some time passed, I still wasn't over it and messaged her a while later, more as a way to vent my feelings in an effort to move on. Recently she split with the person who was stopping us from being together, started dating someone else, and then reached out to me. I thinking I was entirely over her, quickly realized I wasn't. I've tried getting out into the world of dating but always found her entering my mind. Trust me when I say she's a great person and I value her deeply as a friend, I don't want it to end but at the same time I can't look her in the eye without feeling this existential pain of it never happening. I want this feeling to stop, I want to be able to look at someone else and not have this back of the mind feeling that, if she became available, I could be there.Dating is already difficult, and It's even harder with my job, online college, and other things on my plate right now, I don't know how or where to meet new people, I'm very closeted when I don't trust someone, making a friend genuinely takes a while and that shell is hard for me to break from the inside, she can pull me right out of it and I have been unable to find anyone that could get close to doing the same. I want to be happy, I want love, but I can't detach those two wants from her. I feel stupid because I can't shake that feeling, and I'd do anything to ensure she's happy, but there are times it just hurts.
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