needing advice on consent and speaking up

I'm feeling a little unsure about a situation with my partner. he (23M) and I (23F) have been together for 6 months and at the beginning of our relationship we were having quite a lot of sex. we still have a lot of sex, however things in my life have changed a little: ive started antidepressants and I've also just had a lot of personal issues happen over the last two months. this has impacted my sex drive a little. I have always been a very openly sexual person in the sense that I like having sex and I'm comfortable talking about sex around my friends and partner. so communication has never been an issue for me in the past. but recently I've had a lower sex drive and I have had trouble communicating this to my partner for some reason. For example, we will be laying in bed at night and he will just start grabbing my butt, then even though I have provided no response to this he will start rubbing my clit. I don't want to have sex and for some reason I just freeze up and don't know what to do or say, until eventually after about 5 minutes of silence I'll just go along with it and have sex that I don't want. This makes me feel really dirty and uncomfortable, and the next day I'll want to leave his house asap and not talk to him. I feel like I could be partially in the wrong here because I eventually go along with it instead of stopping him, so he would think I'm okay with it. another thing that he does, when I go over to his house he usually takes a Viagra tablet (he is prescribed these for ED) without any discussion on having sex. Like we might be eating dinner or watching tv or something and he will go into his room and take one and then come out and go about things like he didn't just do that. when he does that it makes me feel pressured to have sex with him later because otherwise it would be wasted. he has never said anything like that, but I don't understand why he would just assume I want sex every time I see him as we see each other almost daily.

so I just wanted some advice on how to frame my communication with him around these issues. should I wait until he's trying to have sex with me again to bring it up or should I do it before that? and I don't want to sound accusatory or hurt his feelings, but I do need him to know I'm feeling uncomfortable with this.

sorry for such a long post!

TLDR: My boyfriend is initiating sex without asking and I don't know how to tell him no. he also takes Viagra when we haven't discussed having sex, which makes me feel pressured to have sex later.



Submitted August 19, 2021 at 11:29PM

I'm feeling a little unsure about a situation with my partner. he (23M) and I (23F) have been together for 6 months and at the beginning of our relationship we were having quite a lot of sex. we still have a lot of sex, however things in my life have changed a little: ive started antidepressants and I've also just had a lot of personal issues happen over the last two months. this has impacted my sex drive a little. I have always been a very openly sexual person in the sense that I like having sex and I'm comfortable talking about sex around my friends and partner. so communication has never been an issue for me in the past. but recently I've had a lower sex drive and I have had trouble communicating this to my partner for some reason. For example, we will be laying in bed at night and he will just start grabbing my butt, then even though I have provided no response to this he will start rubbing my clit. I don't want to have sex and for some reason I just freeze up and don't know what to do or say, until eventually after about 5 minutes of silence I'll just go along with it and have sex that I don't want. This makes me feel really dirty and uncomfortable, and the next day I'll want to leave his house asap and not talk to him. I feel like I could be partially in the wrong here because I eventually go along with it instead of stopping him, so he would think I'm okay with it. another thing that he does, when I go over to his house he usually takes a Viagra tablet (he is prescribed these for ED) without any discussion on having sex. Like we might be eating dinner or watching tv or something and he will go into his room and take one and then come out and go about things like he didn't just do that. when he does that it makes me feel pressured to have sex with him later because otherwise it would be wasted. he has never said anything like that, but I don't understand why he would just assume I want sex every time I see him as we see each other almost daily.so I just wanted some advice on how to frame my communication with him around these issues. should I wait until he's trying to have sex with me again to bring it up or should I do it before that? and I don't want to sound accusatory or hurt his feelings, but I do need him to know I'm feeling uncomfortable with this.sorry for such a long post!TLDR: My boyfriend is initiating sex without asking and I don't know how to tell him no. he also takes Viagra when we haven't discussed having sex, which makes me feel pressured to have sex later.
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