I’m afraid sex will ruin my wonderful relationship

I (30 F) have been dating my BF (32 M) for a year and a half now. At the start of our relationship, everything was exciting and fun (per usual). The only trouble for me is that our sex life is dwindling a lot. Before we became official, we’d had so much sex. 4xs a week maybe 3xs a day. I know, it sounds excessive, but it was fun (also during a pandemic). He’s a great man, respectful and does everything to make me happy. The only thing that lacks now is our sex life. We can go weeks without having sex, and when we do, it’s only once. Not only are we only having sex once a week, it gets very repetitive. It’s always the same routine of positions. It’s come to the point where we need to include a vibrator Bc I won’t climax without it. I’m afraid to bring it up to him Bc he gets really hurt to hear he’s not satisfying me. Then he’ll try to have sex even when he’s not in the mood. Which, I don’t like either because it makes me feel like a predator. So I’m left not initiating sex anymore. Which feels awful Bc we won’t have sex for weeks at a time. And when we do, it’s very mundane. I’ve tried to tell him that I’d like to spice it up. He’s tried, but he’s afraid to hurt me. I’ve tried him slapping me, pinning me down, or even choking but he can’t. He either is too gentle or he gets overly aroused and can’t physically do it. Am I being unrealistic? Please help, Bc I’d like my relationship to work out.

Submitted July 10, 2021 at 11:36PM

I (30 F) have been dating my BF (32 M) for a year and a half now. At the start of our relationship, everything was exciting and fun (per usual). The only trouble for me is that our sex life is dwindling a lot. Before we became official, we’d had so much sex. 4xs a week maybe 3xs a day. I know, it sounds excessive, but it was fun (also during a pandemic). He’s a great man, respectful and does everything to make me happy. The only thing that lacks now is our sex life. We can go weeks without having sex, and when we do, it’s only once. Not only are we only having sex once a week, it gets very repetitive. It’s always the same routine of positions. It’s come to the point where we need to include a vibrator Bc I won’t climax without it. I’m afraid to bring it up to him Bc he gets really hurt to hear he’s not satisfying me. Then he’ll try to have sex even when he’s not in the mood. Which, I don’t like either because it makes me feel like a predator. So I’m left not initiating sex anymore. Which feels awful Bc we won’t have sex for weeks at a time. And when we do, it’s very mundane. I’ve tried to tell him that I’d like to spice it up. He’s tried, but he’s afraid to hurt me. I’ve tried him slapping me, pinning me down, or even choking but he can’t. He either is too gentle or he gets overly aroused and can’t physically do it. Am I being unrealistic? Please help, Bc I’d like my relationship to work out.