Autistic Partner

Been with my SO(F32) for a couple years now, we have been in constant disagreements lately. I have not been happy for a year or so in our relationship as well. She seems to be stressed out all the time from work and other factors that make her have anxiety, and then lashes out at me because of the stress. I reached a boiling point where I told her this won’t work, because of the way you treat me and take me for granted and don’t appreciate me. So we broke up...

I initially want us to continue to work on this together because we have been together for a few years and it means we do care for each other and have something good (outside of her lashing). She told me she did not want to, and was adamant on ending it, that she too was not happy and she don’t think there is anything we can do to fix it. I told her I am not mad we are ending but I’m mad that she don’t even want to fight for us, and instead chose to a)give up b)throw it on to me as to why she was not happy and I always stress her out. She explained how I don’t do xyz, to which I explained xyz is because of your stress and you lashing and you had dictated on a lot of things in our relationship that we can’t change or else you’ll be mad.

I get a text and she wanted to call me, I said sure. She told me she thinks she knows what we have been having these issues, and that she thinks she is autistic, which is why she isn’t as affectionate as I hope she is (one of my complaints), her getting upset over tiny things and how these things can stress her out because her dial is always on high, she likes her routines and if i do things that throws it off, it stresses her out. She said she has been monitoring it since last year and suspect she might have been but never told me, which I got mad, because why would you not tell me so we can work on how to help you solve issues and cope with issues. She said she is afraid I wouldn’t believe her, but I said that’s silly because I won’t suspect you of lying about issues like this. So I asked her what’s the point of telling me this now cause you’re adamant on ending it, and she said she just wanted to tell me so i know it’s not me that was bad to her. She then wanted us to go for a walk, which we did, we chatted and she said she still wants us to work it out, and asked me what I think.

So now, being logical, I understand how all of this may have affected her and made her act a certain way, though it seems like I am excusing her for her behavior, for me to not be happy and never making it better for me, while when she isn’t happy I do my best to make her happy. She said she will go to the doctors and have it diagnosed and checked out, which may take a couple months(?), and I said I can be by her side still to help her if she needs. She said she didn’t want to hold me back, in finding someone while still being with her. I mean I love her no matter what so I still want her to be healthy. But as of this moment I need time to figure out what to do and I can’t say yes or no to being together still.

A part of me wants to stay still and help her better herself so we can have a better relationship and hope to get that spark back, but other hand i feel I have been neglected and not happy for a while and it’s stupid to stay in it.

Reddit experts please help with any advice. Is it her autism (or maybe another issue?) for lack of better wording “blame” and I should try still or I should leave cause things might not change?

Submitted February 28, 2021 at 11:21PM

Been with my SO(F32) for a couple years now, we have been in constant disagreements lately. I have not been happy for a year or so in our relationship as well. She seems to be stressed out all the time from work and other factors that make her have anxiety, and then lashes out at me because of the stress. I reached a boiling point where I told her this won’t work, because of the way you treat me and take me for granted and don’t appreciate me. So we broke up...I initially want us to continue to work on this together because we have been together for a few years and it means we do care for each other and have something good (outside of her lashing). She told me she did not want to, and was adamant on ending it, that she too was not happy and she don’t think there is anything we can do to fix it. I told her I am not mad we are ending but I’m mad that she don’t even want to fight for us, and instead chose to a)give up b)throw it on to me as to why she was not happy and I always stress her out. She explained how I don’t do xyz, to which I explained xyz is because of your stress and you lashing and you had dictated on a lot of things in our relationship that we can’t change or else you’ll be mad.I get a text and she wanted to call me, I said sure. She told me she thinks she knows what we have been having these issues, and that she thinks she is autistic, which is why she isn’t as affectionate as I hope she is (one of my complaints), her getting upset over tiny things and how these things can stress her out because her dial is always on high, she likes her routines and if i do things that throws it off, it stresses her out. She said she has been monitoring it since last year and suspect she might have been but never told me, which I got mad, because why would you not tell me so we can work on how to help you solve issues and cope with issues. She said she is afraid I wouldn’t believe her, but I said that’s silly because I won’t suspect you of lying about issues like this. So I asked her what’s the point of telling me this now cause you’re adamant on ending it, and she said she just wanted to tell me so i know it’s not me that was bad to her. She then wanted us to go for a walk, which we did, we chatted and she said she still wants us to work it out, and asked me what I think.So now, being logical, I understand how all of this may have affected her and made her act a certain way, though it seems like I am excusing her for her behavior, for me to not be happy and never making it better for me, while when she isn’t happy I do my best to make her happy. She said she will go to the doctors and have it diagnosed and checked out, which may take a couple months(?), and I said I can be by her side still to help her if she needs. She said she didn’t want to hold me back, in finding someone while still being with her. I mean I love her no matter what so I still want her to be healthy. But as of this moment I need time to figure out what to do and I can’t say yes or no to being together still.A part of me wants to stay still and help her better herself so we can have a better relationship and hope to get that spark back, but other hand i feel I have been neglected and not happy for a while and it’s stupid to stay in it.Reddit experts please help with any advice. Is it her autism (or maybe another issue?) for lack of better wording “blame” and I should try still or I should leave cause things might not change?