Advice needed on how to open up and stop shutting people out

22F here, for the past 3 and a half years I’ve been single. I’ve had a few flings over this period but the last fling which I had actual feelings for is now coming up to 2 years ago. Around this point whilst things were ending with this fling, something quite traumatic happened to me which really knocked my confidence and gave a lot of fear of intimacy. Since then on, I’ve not slept with anyone and have struggled to find any motivation to form any form of romantic relationships even when I feel lonely and would like to. The last year I’ve really tried to work on myself and my confidence and it has really drastically improved, I know I’m a good looking girl and I’m fun to be around and do get quite a lot of attention from men both online and in person (sorry I know I sound like a bit of a knob here lol), but I have absolutely no desire to continue getting to know any of these people, I’ve been on several dates and they’ve gone well, but as soon as the boy starts to show any interest and express they like me I just completely shut down and get the ‘ick’. I use hinge and think it’s a great app for dating, however I really struggle to reply to match’s, and come across as dull when I do as you just can’t judge someone over a message and whether there would be a spark without seeing their face or voice. I live in England so at the moment and for the foreseeable we can’t really meet anyone in person (which is pretty much the only way Ive become interested in someone in the past), and even when we do go out it’s like a needle in a haystack finding someone I’m really attracted to and want to get to know. I know I’ve stacked the odds against me here, but if anyone has any tips of what I could do to stop my way of thinking towards dating or to open up a bit more and find the fun in it, please let me know. I’m normally okay and happy on my own but the last few months I’ve really started to notice how lonely I am and I just want someone to care about me and accept and love me for who I am and me feel the same.



Submitted March 01, 2021 at 12:04AM

22F here, for the past 3 and a half years I’ve been single. I’ve had a few flings over this period but the last fling which I had actual feelings for is now coming up to 2 years ago. Around this point whilst things were ending with this fling, something quite traumatic happened to me which really knocked my confidence and gave a lot of fear of intimacy. Since then on, I’ve not slept with anyone and have struggled to find any motivation to form any form of romantic relationships even when I feel lonely and would like to. The last year I’ve really tried to work on myself and my confidence and it has really drastically improved, I know I’m a good looking girl and I’m fun to be around and do get quite a lot of attention from men both online and in person (sorry I know I sound like a bit of a knob here lol), but I have absolutely no desire to continue getting to know any of these people, I’ve been on several dates and they’ve gone well, but as soon as the boy starts to show any interest and express they like me I just completely shut down and get the ‘ick’. I use hinge and think it’s a great app for dating, however I really struggle to reply to match’s, and come across as dull when I do as you just can’t judge someone over a message and whether there would be a spark without seeing their face or voice. I live in England so at the moment and for the foreseeable we can’t really meet anyone in person (which is pretty much the only way Ive become interested in someone in the past), and even when we do go out it’s like a needle in a haystack finding someone I’m really attracted to and want to get to know. I know I’ve stacked the odds against me here, but if anyone has any tips of what I could do to stop my way of thinking towards dating or to open up a bit more and find the fun in it, please let me know. I’m normally okay and happy on my own but the last few months I’ve really started to notice how lonely I am and I just want someone to care about me and accept and love me for who I am and me feel the same.
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