Advice needed on how to open up and stop shutting people out

22F here, for the past 3 and a half years I’ve been single. I’ve had a few flings over this period but the last fling which I had actual feelings for is now coming up to 2 years ago. Around this point whilst things were ending with this fling, something quite traumatic happened to me which really knocked my confidence and gave a lot of fear of intimacy. Since then on, I’ve not slept with anyone and have struggled to find any motivation to form any form of romantic relationships even when I feel lonely and would like to. The last year I’ve really tried to work on myself and my confidence and it has really drastically improved, I know I’m a good looking girl and I’m fun to be around and do get quite a lot of attention from men both online and in person (sorry I know I sound like a bit of a knob here lol), but I have absolutely no desire to continue getting to know any of these people, I’ve been on several dates and they’ve gone well, but as soon as the boy starts to show any interest and express they like me I just completely shut down and get the ‘ick’. I use hinge and think it’s a great app for dating, however I really struggle to reply to match’s, and come across as dull when I do as you just can’t judge someone over a message and whether there would be a spark without seeing their face or voice. I live in England so at the moment and for the foreseeable we can’t really meet anyone in person (which is pretty much the only way Ive become interested in someone in the past), and even when we do go out it’s like a needle in a haystack finding someone I’m really attracted to and want to get to know. I know I’ve stacked the odds against me here, but if anyone has any tips of what I could do to stop my way of thinking towards dating or to open up a bit more and find the fun in it, please let me know. I’m normally okay and happy on my own but the last few months I’ve really started to notice how lonely I am and I just want someone to care about me and accept and love me for who I am and me feel the same.



Submitted March 01, 2021 at 12:04AM

22F here, for the past 3 and a half years I’ve been single. I’ve had a few flings over this period but the last fling which I had actual feelings for is now coming up to 2 years ago. Around this point whilst things were ending with this fling, something quite traumatic happened to me which really knocked my confidence and gave a lot of fear of intimacy. Since then on, I’ve not slept with anyone and have struggled to find any motivation to form any form of romantic relationships even when I feel lonely and would like to. The last year I’ve really tried to work on myself and my confidence and it has really drastically improved, I know I’m a good looking girl and I’m fun to be around and do get quite a lot of attention from men both online and in person (sorry I know I sound like a bit of a knob here lol), but I have absolutely no desire to continue getting to know any of these people, I’ve been on several dates and they’ve gone well, but as soon as the boy starts to show any interest and express they like me I just completely shut down and get the ‘ick’. I use hinge and think it’s a great app for dating, however I really struggle to reply to match’s, and come across as dull when I do as you just can’t judge someone over a message and whether there would be a spark without seeing their face or voice. I live in England so at the moment and for the foreseeable we can’t really meet anyone in person (which is pretty much the only way Ive become interested in someone in the past), and even when we do go out it’s like a needle in a haystack finding someone I’m really attracted to and want to get to know. I know I’ve stacked the odds against me here, but if anyone has any tips of what I could do to stop my way of thinking towards dating or to open up a bit more and find the fun in it, please let me know. I’m normally okay and happy on my own but the last few months I’ve really started to notice how lonely I am and I just want someone to care about me and accept and love me for who I am and me feel the same.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more