My (22F) boyfriend (22M) doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore

For background, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. We don’t live together but I just graduated and he’s in a 5 year program so he graduates next year. We live about 30 minutes apart now that I’m no longer in college. At the beginning of our relationship, the sex was literally amazing. Multiple times a day and he is really attentive to my body and needs. Over time, the occurrences became less and less, but honestly I wasn’t concerned because the amount changed as we grew as a couple. It was still 1-2 times a week.

Since last fall, the frequency decreased to about once a month which was still fine. Now, we haven’t been intimate since January. I automatically blamed myself and convinced myself it had to do with me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it multiple times but he just won’t give me anything to work with. First, he didn’t know why he didn’t want to be intimate, now all he says is he doesn’t want to tell me why..... I just feel like that’s such an immature way to handle it.

Please call me out if I’m wrong because I know sexuality is a sensitive topic and I never want to make him do something he doesn’t want to, and have never tried to. But all I want are answers and he refuses to give them to me. It doesn’t seem fair and it’s just making me even more upset. He says he’s still attracted to me and wants to be in this relationship, but it’s just not giving me peace of mind when I don’t know the actual reason.

I’ve tried to send him sexy messages which are just met with “okay”. I don’t even try to initiate anything in person.

I still want to be with him and don’t want to say this is a dealbreaker for me, but I’ve learned that I need intimacy in a relationship and I’ve been going kinda crazy without it, even with taking matters into my own hands. It more so has to do with feeling close to him. All other aspects of our relationship are completely fine, which makes this even more confusing. Please help me on how to approach this, and feel free to call me out (kindly please) if I’m wrong for being upset about this

tl;dr my boyfriend of 3.5 years and I haven’t had sex since January and he won’t tell me why he doesn’t want to



Submitted August 17, 2020 at 12:14AM

For background, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. We don’t live together but I just graduated and he’s in a 5 year program so he graduates next year. We live about 30 minutes apart now that I’m no longer in college. At the beginning of our relationship, the sex was literally amazing. Multiple times a day and he is really attentive to my body and needs. Over time, the occurrences became less and less, but honestly I wasn’t concerned because the amount changed as we grew as a couple. It was still 1-2 times a week.Since last fall, the frequency decreased to about once a month which was still fine. Now, we haven’t been intimate since January. I automatically blamed myself and convinced myself it had to do with me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it multiple times but he just won’t give me anything to work with. First, he didn’t know why he didn’t want to be intimate, now all he says is he doesn’t want to tell me why..... I just feel like that’s such an immature way to handle it.Please call me out if I’m wrong because I know sexuality is a sensitive topic and I never want to make him do something he doesn’t want to, and have never tried to. But all I want are answers and he refuses to give them to me. It doesn’t seem fair and it’s just making me even more upset. He says he’s still attracted to me and wants to be in this relationship, but it’s just not giving me peace of mind when I don’t know the actual reason.I’ve tried to send him sexy messages which are just met with “okay”. I don’t even try to initiate anything in person.I still want to be with him and don’t want to say this is a dealbreaker for me, but I’ve learned that I need intimacy in a relationship and I’ve been going kinda crazy without it, even with taking matters into my own hands. It more so has to do with feeling close to him. All other aspects of our relationship are completely fine, which makes this even more confusing. Please help me on how to approach this, and feel free to call me out (kindly please) if I’m wrong for being upset about thistl;dr my boyfriend of 3.5 years and I haven’t had sex since January and he won’t tell me why he doesn’t want to
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