I (24F) don’t know how to say no to my sister (25F)

My sister is always asking me for money. I graduated from college May 2019, and started my first full time job about a year ago. I have noticed that since I started, my sister has been asking me for money often. She has a two year old girl and she does not work full time. I don’t think she has worked full time since she was pregnant. Her husband is in college so he does not have a job either. She has had classes for cosmetology and has started to do nails as of lately.

The problem is that, anytime she needs food, diapers, or anything random that comes up, she asks me for money. I do not get paid a lot. I get paid $13/hr. I do believe it is partially mine and my mothers fault. Once she for pregnant, she stopped working and my mother gave her our childhood home since she was buying a new house. My mom helped her with bills and expenses. I gave them copy of my card since they live about 12 hours away from me and sometimes my mom would deposit money to help me pay for school. It was easier to just deposit straight into my bank account. The problem now is that I’m out of school and they still have the card. My sister is always asking for money or she will just tell me “I took some money out that I needed for .....” My mom tells me to stop giving her money, but she still gives her whatever she asks for. I don’t know how to tell her to stop. I want to help her, but I also have expenses and student loans.

How do I set boundaries with her when even my mom doesn’t set them either?

TL;DR: my older sister financially depends on me. I don’t know how to say no to her.



Submitted August 17, 2020 at 12:14AM

My sister is always asking me for money. I graduated from college May 2019, and started my first full time job about a year ago. I have noticed that since I started, my sister has been asking me for money often. She has a two year old girl and she does not work full time. I don’t think she has worked full time since she was pregnant. Her husband is in college so he does not have a job either. She has had classes for cosmetology and has started to do nails as of lately.The problem is that, anytime she needs food, diapers, or anything random that comes up, she asks me for money. I do not get paid a lot. I get paid $13/hr. I do believe it is partially mine and my mothers fault. Once she for pregnant, she stopped working and my mother gave her our childhood home since she was buying a new house. My mom helped her with bills and expenses. I gave them copy of my card since they live about 12 hours away from me and sometimes my mom would deposit money to help me pay for school. It was easier to just deposit straight into my bank account. The problem now is that I’m out of school and they still have the card. My sister is always asking for money or she will just tell me “I took some money out that I needed for .....” My mom tells me to stop giving her money, but she still gives her whatever she asks for. I don’t know how to tell her to stop. I want to help her, but I also have expenses and student loans.How do I set boundaries with her when even my mom doesn’t set them either?TL;DR: my older sister financially depends on me. I don’t know how to say no to her.
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