Is this all there is?

I am recently divorced (34). During the one year of separation that is state law, I began dating a man in his latter 30s who was also finalizing a divorce, however, his had dragged on for several years. After 2-3 months of dating, he canceled plans we had made for an international trip. I was crushed. He told me he wasn’t ready to commit, had moved too quickly, and needed time. Then the cycle of dating off and on for the following several months ensued. I admit, I allowed it. After months of the back and forth, I cut things off. Within a few weeks, another man (35) asked me on a date through OLD. This guy had been divorced for several years. I thought we were really hitting it off and moving toward something good when he stopped short a few weeks later and said while I am an amazing woman, he didn’t want a relationship at this point in his life.

While they are both different men, different personalities, and I know it’s only two examples...I am starting to really get discouraged that this is going to be the norm with dating from now on. It’s as if these men didn’t properly get to live their 20s, so they feel, and now they want freedom to do as they please. They don’t want to be responsible for another person’s happiness (their words) and want to see what they’ve “missed out on.”

I’m trying to pump myself up that both of these men are clearly just not my person, but it’s difficult to not just give up. I’m tired of being told “you’re so amazing...but I don’t want to date you.” I’m taking it personally, and I don’t want to become cynical that every man I meet with a past marriage isn’t going to be ready to date me.

I don’t want another marriage. Just someone to enjoy life with at this time. Does anyone else feel they keep getting told that it’s asking for too much?



Submitted May 20, 2020 at 11:03PM

I am recently divorced (34). During the one year of separation that is state law, I began dating a man in his latter 30s who was also finalizing a divorce, however, his had dragged on for several years. After 2-3 months of dating, he canceled plans we had made for an international trip. I was crushed. He told me he wasn’t ready to commit, had moved too quickly, and needed time. Then the cycle of dating off and on for the following several months ensued. I admit, I allowed it. After months of the back and forth, I cut things off. Within a few weeks, another man (35) asked me on a date through OLD. This guy had been divorced for several years. I thought we were really hitting it off and moving toward something good when he stopped short a few weeks later and said while I am an amazing woman, he didn’t want a relationship at this point in his life.While they are both different men, different personalities, and I know it’s only two examples...I am starting to really get discouraged that this is going to be the norm with dating from now on. It’s as if these men didn’t properly get to live their 20s, so they feel, and now they want freedom to do as they please. They don’t want to be responsible for another person’s happiness (their words) and want to see what they’ve “missed out on.”I’m trying to pump myself up that both of these men are clearly just not my person, but it’s difficult to not just give up. I’m tired of being told “you’re so amazing...but I don’t want to date you.” I’m taking it personally, and I don’t want to become cynical that every man I meet with a past marriage isn’t going to be ready to date me.I don’t want another marriage. Just someone to enjoy life with at this time. Does anyone else feel they keep getting told that it’s asking for too much?
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